Sunday, January 31, 2016

Sparkle in Aisle 3

It had been a hard morning.

It was the kind of day where you thought you were going someplace fun, only to find that half the place was closed, the other half too loud, and the claw machines just would NOT grab.

So I got everybody home and re-settled, the oceans calmed, and the lions tamed. After all, I had promised Joey could go grocery shopping with me, and I couldn't do that if he was in melt down mode. Even brittle mode would not work.

He wanted to go to the grocery so he could pick out "healthy food." Joey has been on a weight-loss kick, and he's been working hard to get his exercise and movement up and his diet healthy. Although the middle-of-the-night eating is still an issue, we have been working hard, and he has been working hard- down 20 pounds, and he's terribly proud of it. The last two weeks have been school-free, between him being sick and the Snowzilla of 2016, so he is really ready to go back- and has decided healthy lunches are to be part of the return to school. Lettuce, celery, carrots, low-fat cheese, sunflower seeds, and apples were on his list, though he also asked for chocolate milk, peanut M&Ms (peanuts are healthy, Mom!), and ice cream.

Once he declared himself ready, off we went. By the time we got to the store, he was positively beaming, though scripting. Excitement can do that. He was going to go to the store with Mom, and pick out his very own food for his very own lunches for school and he's going back to school tomorrow- very exciting. Across the parking lot, we talked about lettuce and celery and he doesn't like tomatoes, but trying some roll-up sandwiches might be fun, and no thanks to the salad dressing.

Once we got inside, Joey was totally on. He walked right up to the first lady he saw, a small woman trying to pick out crackers, and started.

"What's zero divided by zero?" he asked proudly, with his big smile. The lady gave him an odd look, so he added, "You can't divide by zero!"

The next lady chuckled, and played along; she got about five minutes of instruction on division by zero, multiplication by zero, and multiplication generally (77x12 is 924! 120 x 4 is 480, because 12 x 4 is 48, and then you have the zero, so you add on the zero!).

As we picked out cheese, and lettuce, and apples, I just let Joey be Joey. I let him talk to people, because he loves to talk to people and engage people. Some answered him and spoke with him a little. Some did not. No one was rude, or mean, or even just ignored him; they at least turned their head and smiled and nodded. So Joey let the sunshine out, and filled the whole store with it. I watched and listened to him in his joy, his desire to connect, his shiny, sparkly personality that loves all the world around him.

I wish we had more days like this. This is my son.

You're welcome.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Yes, we are still here. Please stay tuned... 

And Merry Christmas!

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Flowers in a Bottle

When you reach those years of hormones, aggression, confusion, frustration, wild swings, and moody depressions, it is a good idea to keep something to remind you that you aren't talking about your hormones. It isn't your fault. And you are still a human being, an adult human being who is allowed to like a little something for you.

Mine is a little bottle of perfume.

I'm not a big wearer of beauty products. I don't own any make-up, and haven't worn any since I got married. Well, maybe once since then, I'm not sure; I think I put some on for a job interview once, maybe twice. I'd have to go out and buy it if I wanted to wear any today. I'm not a fashionista. I used to wear jewelry, and plenty of it, but with babies, you have to mostly lay off. My husband gets me some beautiful pieces. Every once in a while I sneak into my jewelry box and watch them sparkle a little, because they are just like his eyes. I don't get to wear them much. Perfume was something else I didn't wear much. I had some nice ones. I wore Anais Anais when I was much younger, and I liked Sunflowers a lot; my sandalwood and mango oils were always nice. For a while I had a kind of spritzer of lilac, and one of honeysuckle, that were lovely, but the scent doesn't last long with those. I like rose water, too. But I could never finish a bottle quick enough, because I just don't wear a lot of anything. Not even perfume.

With showers not as prevalent as they once were, perfumes became more important- after the shower, it was an indulgence, a statement of being human again, to use those spritzers. Ready to jump back into adulting, while smelling super good.

My mom wore KL when I was growing up... on special occasions. Whenever the KL went on, something good was about to happen. Dinner out. See the grandparents. Going shopping. She would dress up and look beautiful and smell awesome, and that was my mom. I can detect KL from a room away, and think, "Mom!!!"

I hope my boys will someday get that whiff of Daisy and think, "Is mom home?"

Mom bought me the first bottle, and it was love at first sniff, after the shower. It had been a rough day, and it was a few minutes I stole for a shower, with Allan home and kids distracted. A few spritzes later, and I was ready to adult again.

And that was when I thought, you know those folks who go about with too much perfume or cologne or whatever on? They must think they smell super. And I bet it makes them feel good to smell super. It must help them be ready to adult again. So I gave myself some more spritzes.

Because the perfume ain't for you. I like it. It smells fantastic. And it's for ME.

Saturday, July 25, 2015


Here we are, knee-deep into it, and where have the posts been? It is getting harder to decide what to post. This has been a bit of a crazy summer, and jam-packed with boy adventures.

Off on summer adventures!
Summer is always an odd time for us. Joey's schedule is different. While having a schedule at all is always good, the ups and downs of things being different remains. We have a new teacher this summer, and we originally were told he would definitely be Joey's teacher in the fall; now he has been offered a contract with the regular school system, so we don't know- we have to wait and see what the new teacher decides to do. Will we have yet another transition? How far will Joey be set back if we do?

So the best thing is to fill what we can with other activities, and keep him busy and thinking. It is a battle- Joey versus Anxiety, and we want Joey to win.

Secret Agent Boys. Not so secret, actually. 
Our arsenal is not without tools and weapons against the foe: after all, we have The Pool. Joining a local private pool has been a really good investment for us. Yes, there are some people there who really need some education, but most of the folks now know Joey, so at least they aren't blindsided by him.

It is a great way to keep cool, get in lots of exercise, and have lots of fun. Most years the boys have kind of done their own thing in the pool unless they were the only ones there (which happens a bit when you're in a small, private pool)- but this year, they have stuck close to each other. This is not always a good thing, as like all siblings, they also get on each other's nerves. But for the better part, we have brothers finding ways to connect and play together.

Bumper cars!
Shy Guy wins the race on the Standard Car.
A new tool in our bag is Funland, a local arcade and amusement park. It includes video games, claw machines, those things where you push the coins along the levels (my dad used to ROCK at those), and some rides. I think they also have mini-golf. Some years ago, when we first tried it, disaster ensued- too loud, too flashy, too everything. We stuck to our beloved Chuck E Cheese (which, you should know, serves beer). However, there are not a lot of teenagers who hang out at the House of Mouse- so we eased our way into another go at the bigger, noisier, crazier step up in the world.

The lure was bumper cars and go-karts. Joey's love of Mario won at last.

Joey also had his beloved theater camp. The last couple of years were not a huge success, with the changes in the staff and the issues with dance camps and art camps and Joey's anxiety. This year, the program we had been participating in more than doubled the price, so we were disappointed to have to skip... until we found that the lady who ran the other program before all the mess had started a new program. Better yet, she had secured funding so that all the campers were able to participate for free.
Boy in his Element

Joy ensued.

Joey was back on stage, in a great Sea Adventure!
He did sea creature dances, and made his very own Koopa Troopa costume (OK, it was sea turtle costume... but now that the play is over, it is back to Mario!), and enjoyed himself thoroughly. A big thank you to STEP-VA and Ms. Monroe, for giving Joey an anxiety break for a week. He needed the breath of air.

Proud Boy. Proud Dad. 
Andy also had a camp, so we had some adventures that were just Joey and Mom. I don't get a lot of Joey Time now- school, school, school, all the time. His favorite adventure was going to the pet store, where he could check out the kitties for adoption (and beg for one), look at the fish, and check out the small pets (you know... mice. Guinea pigs. SNAKES.)
He named it "Slippy." We did NOT take it home. 

Taking photos on the ipod. 
Hi, Fish!

 We also took a trip out to see Allan's family in Tennessee. Long drives are always an adventure, but the treat at the end of the road was well worth it.
Hi, Aunt Emily!
We had the biggest sparklers we have ever seen. 
We spent a good bit of time hanging out with Granny Ann, which mostly consisted of playing Wii, petting Granny Ann's cats, and setting off fireworks that are illegal in Virginia. They were pretty cool.

Showing Granny Ann how to shoot tanks.

Joey has decided Allan grew up in a mansion. I think he enjoyed himself. 

And so the summer is moving along, with school days, pool days, and new headgear. The beach isn't happening until September this year, so we have plenty of lazy days ahead. More adventures to be had, more world to explore, and more Minecraft to build.

Ah, the life of a Boy.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Year One, Done.

Our first year at our new school is complete. Joey finished seventh grade. It was an emotional ceremony, as the students thanked their teachers, therapists, and principals for... well, for us, for saving our child. He was drowning. Now he is moving forward and learning again.

Our Assistant Teacher became emotional, and understandably so- how can you not, when you know a good thing is happening, and you are part of it? And Joey turned to her, and signed "safe" (they use hands, palms toward signer, fingers interlaced and thumbs up, so that it make a "safe wall"), and assured her, "You don't need to cry. You're safe, Ms. S." Then he offered her a hug. They signed about being safe together.

That's when you know you fought the right battle, and won it. Joey feels safe here.

That makes all the difference in the world.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

18 Years

Still going strong.

Saturday, May 23, 2015


Joey has a lot of difficulty processing the whole idea of death. Already a tough subject for young people, this can be extremely daunting for Joey in understanding that life ends, and there is a permanence in death that he just cannot wrap his brain around. It becomes a huge anxiety trigger.

Happy Memorial Day.

This is the 20th year of the Luminaria at Marye's Heights. I feel it is important for my boys to understand that freedom is not free. People die for their country, their families, their ideas. History isn't all cool houses, quaint costumes... and weaponry is not just cool toys.

Wars are real. And they effect everyone.

I had Allan drive us closer to the battlefield to save our energy for climbing the hill. It was a great plan. We made it up just fine. Joey was being Shy Guy for most of the walk to the gate; andAndy wanted to look at more of the plaques about the battle, and the Kirkland Memorial. Anxiety rose as we neared the gate, where the crowd was bottlenecked to enter the cemetery. We got through, and headed up. I was steady talking about what Memorial Day is, and then the Battle of Fredericksburg. We talked about the union soldiers likely reaching our back yard, but only about a block or two closer to the Heights. We talked about Gettysburg. We talked about how the site became a cemetery for soldier who died in the battle, with some burials for later wars. They liked the paper bags and the pretty lit walkways, and Andy wanted to know why some of the headstones were smaller than others, and what the number on the tops meant. We talked about each grave having 2 lights, because often more than one soldier was interred there, and it wasn't always known who was buried where.

Then we reached the top, and both audibly gasped.

There are over 15,000 soldiers buried at Marye's Heights.

Joey understands that cemeteries are solemn places, and that when you see a sea of lights marking graves, he is supposed to feel sad. Confronted with that sea of sacrifice, he was sad. So we then talked a while about what he was seeing, and why it was important. Yes, it is sad. But it also important to remember, and respect, and think about what others do to keep you safe, free, and able to enjoy all the things of life. These were people who sacrificed their lives for their country. For all of us.

 We also talked a bit about the Civil War, and why people were fighting. Andy observed that thinking people are less than human just because their skin is a different color is plain stupid. I must admit, I totally agree with him.

He wandered about the graves, looking at the different stones, the names, the numbers. He was upset when the light failed and he couldn't read the names anymore. As he said: "These are real people. We should know their names." I think he was bit sad that we didn't know all the names. Only 2,473 of the soldiers buried at Marye's Heights are identified in marked graves.

We had to step aside to let the bugler through, and he played a lovely rendition of taps. Both boys managed to stay silent through it. Yes, even Joey. We talked about that silence as a show of respect.

We walked home, two boys quieter than they were coming in. They have a lot to think about.