Thursday, May 02, 2013

Where The Air Is Filled With Sandalwood

I just finished filling out a pile of questionnaires, screening tools, and parent evals for Andy, I still find it difficult to grapple with ADHD and how it affects Andy. I think because in so many ways, our life is "normal" for us, I still have trouble understanding that my experience of parenting is so far off the beaten track. I am in India, not Italy.

We are in an odd place for out family right now. One of my jobs has taken a severe hit, and I in definite danger of losing another. On top of that, the job that has been the stopgap for some of this is ending... today. Jus gave the final exam this morning. Eep. This puts a serious damper on planning for summer and therapy schedules. My current plan is for me to eat less and cook more as a money-saving strategy (and a health strategy- I really do not need a bedtime snack. Seriously.)

At the same time, my boys keep growing, and it is time to plan for new experiences and getting them re-familiar with old favorites. We need to start thinking about colonial history when we go to Wakefield and Williamsburg. We need to explore more science a Skyline Drive and the Smithsonian. WE need to start appreciating and understanding the world around us at the next level, beyond that early recognition of novelty.

That is more difficult for my kids than for most. It takes more planning, more preparation, and more readiness.

Andy has a field trip to the zoo coming up. Hes asked me to go. If I don't get picked as a formal chaperone, I will likely drive up on my own. I will have my Zoo Bag ready and with me: extra water, fruit snacks, crackers, cheese sticks, a noisemaker, a squishy ball, paper and markers, a damp cloth, wipes, and a spare set of clothes and sunglasses. Most of my friends haven't carried a Zoo Bag with them to the zoo since their kids were infants. They often toss some wipes and a camera into their purse or pack and off they go with their nine-year-olds. THey aren't fighting a constant battle against Glassman, RockBrain, and HyperBunny. Their kids remember their underwear.

All too often, they don't understand the difference between a high-energy kid and a hyperactive one. They don't get that there is more to ADHD than just bouncing off the walls. And they aren't afraid to say it. Society gives them license to say it. Not only is my kid's special need invisible, it is openly denied to exist at all. Yay, me.

Looking down those questionnaires, the vague "often/sometimes/never" of screens and evals, knwing that each and every answer needs qualification and context, more specific information to really understand, you want to think the folks who score them will understand. I have learned otherwise- the hard way. Hard for my boys.

The good thing is it also gives me a better idea of how to help. Thee evals are reminders of skills and challenges, things that may need to be addressed and supported that we might forget are challenges for my guys. They serve as a reminder that expectations should be high, but you need to plan for success- it doesn't always come intuitively. That more often than not, we are still packing our Zoo Bag for situations other families have long taken for granted and easy. We need to be prepared to succeed. After all, India is wonderful, and beautiful, and full of life, color, and the scents of ginger and cardamom. We enjoy it as it is, as long as we don't expect it to be the Mediterranean.

1 comment:

farmwifetwo said...

Have you ever used the meds? Remember there's a number of kinds and variations and what works for one does not work for others.

We had quite the discussion when our eldest was 6 about it. Finally, we put him on Risperdal for 2+yrs. He couldn't cope, couldn't sit, couldn't think. All it did was shut down the excess. They told us when they rebounded and we removed them we'd be lucky to last 4 weeks... we lasted 4 years (puberty) before he lost control of his thoughts again.

Both times that control has allowed him to learn. He's still himself, still moody, still narcissistic, still thinks the world should revolve around him... still, still, still... but atleast he can think, play, eat, deal with the world and his thoughts.

Doesn't mean I still don't plan for the "just in-case" situations.