Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Stress is a funny thing

One thing about being a special needs parent is the constant attention it requires. I mentioned last time about not being able to just put the kids outside and fix dinner; in fact, not only an you not do that, but if you put the child outside, often you have to be out there engaging them. Children like Joey have few tools for entertaining himself. He cannot just think up something to do. Activities must be structured and organized for him to be able to participate. What will he do if I don't pay constant attention? Well, I found him in the middle of the street once. Screaming is popular. Tracking is a great favorite. That may be all fine and dandy, except that he gets frustrated with not being able to engage himself. Boredom is a terrible thing.

Another thing is the decided lack of sleep. I am not alone; most of the special needs parents I know suffer from the lack of sleep. I can't tell you the last time I slept four hours straight through. Children need covers adjusted. They need to crawl into bed with you. For other families, there are seizures to worry about, real sleep issues to deal with, medical procedures and medications to administer and all sorts of fun things in the night.

I've been seeing a lot of the doctor recently. Before Christmas, I had an episode of severe costochondritis, and it has persisted ever since. My asthma has returned with a vengeance. I have a bug bite that won't go away. I tried to lose some weight, and ended up gaining some instead (and I cannot afford to gain a single ounce!). Now I apparently have picked up PVCs. Think I have a little stress in my life?

So I now have some little pills. I am not fond of pills. No offense to other folks who take pills and find them a good thing, but I just feel like I've failed my little guys. I dropped the paper off at the pharmacy, I pick them up tonight. With all likelihood, I will stare at the bottle for a few days while my mom quizzes me twice a day about whether I've started them yet, I actually have an excuse to delay, because she also put me on allergy meds, and I have to make sure those won't have side effects before I can start the pills. Nothing I have done is enough. I have pills to get through my day.


1 comment:

ghkcole said...

We could be twins. I feel the exact same way. But take the meds anyway. This is your conscience talking. You don't have to like them. You have to take them, if you trust your doctor. I know a way I get myself to take medicine when I need it: I think, "It's not for me. It's for the kids. they need me to take good care of myself." I do everything I'm supposed to for the kids, so the logic tends to work on me.