OK, so among this summer's Issues, Joey has decided it is delightful fun to play with seat belts and take the head resters completely off. Nothing to get the heart leaping that to be entering a dangerous intersection, to realize your child has decided to unbuckle his seat belt and play with the head rester, which has two large spikes on the end of it when it is removed from its intended position (who designed that?) Every time we get in the car now, we start with a litany of rules:
1. Get in your seat and lock in.
2. Once you are locked in, you leave the seatbelt alone.
3. Do not play with or touch the head resters.
4. Do not touch any other seatbelts, either.
5. Stay in your seat, sitting upright, with your shoulderbelt properly over your chest and your lapbelt over your lap.
6. Do not duck from under the shoulderbelt to lean forward and remove the head rester.
And then we proceed to have constant reminders of these rules throughout the trip. The length of the trip does not matter. So now a typical fly on the window in my car hears something like this:
Internet! Internet! Internet!
Honey, don't play with the seat belts.
I put glue on Grandma! I put glue on Grandma!* (Wild cackling laughter)
Sweetie, put the headrest back, please.
Head rest ER.
Yes, dear, just put it back.
TOPPIT, DOEY! (smack)
We don't hit. That's a star.
Joey, sit up, please!
Boys have wieners and girls don't.
Joey, stop playing with the seatbelts. Lock in, please.
Joey, put. the. head. rester. BACK.
It's after twelve o'clock. We are late for getting lunch.
Joey, PUT THE HEAD RESTER BACK!!!
Anybody know where I can get locks for headresters and seatbelt buckles? Because the addition to the general cacophony is not good.
*I have no idea why this phrase is funny, what it actually means, or why it has become so prevalent in the chants, other than the amusing alliteration and probably funny visualization. He has never actually put any glue on his grandma.