With autism awareness month upon us, one of the questions I often get from those not familiar yet with autism is, what does autism look like? There are several different reasons for asking. Some folks want a list of thing to "look for" in their own family and friends, for a sort of self-diagnosisof things they see. This is a difficult reason to answer, because autism does not manifest in one single way; every autistic person is unique, just like the rest of us.
Also, when I start making that list, I am often interrupted by comments such as "well, I do that, and I'm normal! (or not autistic!)" because so many of the red flags are not a matter of doing or not doing, but a matter of degree. I wind up in the discussion of the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. It is hard to explain to someone who has never seen one or the other. Where does one draw the line between "very focused" and "hype-focused"? Sometimes it is not so obvious. And some people are just not very bright, and trying to tease the knife edge between them is useless. Sometime you just have to say, "yes, I know you really like cats, but it doesn't get in the way of you doing other things, like eating." Which isn't the boundary at all, but at least they get the idea.
Then there are people who ask this question because they want to look at random strangers and diagnose them. After all, with many disabilities, you can see the person is disabled. They have visible differences- wheelchairs, for instance. Or distinctive facial features. Also, I get a lot of comments about how Joey doesn't look disabled- especially when I pull into the handicapped parking spot and get out our hangtag.
Autism is an invisible disability. You can't look at someone and say, "oh, s/he must be autistic!" You need other cues. That is something to keep in mind as you walk around in the wide world- just because that person doesn't look disabled, doesn't mean they might not have special needs. Be prepared to meet them so they can join in the working of the world. After all, you want your special needs met, right? In fact, people who don't meet them often get labeled very quickly in your mind as a person to steer clear from, right?
Anyone you meet might or might not be autistic. Autism occurs in people with or without other disabilities. Because autism is a pervasive neurological disorder, other disabilities can be bundled into the issues. Or not. Consequently, autism looks different for everyone- as uniquely as you and I look from each other. Autism is a diagnostic label related to certain behaviors and deficits; it may not even be a single condition or state, but a variety of pervasive issues that have similar results. Social connection/social skill difficulties, communication disorders, issues of movement. Neurology is pervasive in our bodies, so anything inside or out might be affected- sensory systems, digestive systems, respiratory systems, endocrine systems... I could go on.
So there is no one way autism "looks". I can only tell you what it looks like for us. And for us, JOey is the ultimate face of autism; autism is intrinsic to who Joey is and how he experiences the world. Watching him, listening to him, accepting him helps us to have new eyes and see from new angles, to understand the world from a point of view we could never have imagined without him.
What does autism look like? It looks like birthday parties and video games and days at the beach. It looks like grins and giggles and sparkly blue eyes. It looks like round rosy cheeks and running around the bases. It looks like homework and balloons and tricycles. It looks like a boy, growing up fast.
To us, autism is a roller-coaster, much like raising any other child, with the difference of the extremes. You notice the difference when you see Joey next to his peers; the things they do oh-so-easily (such as, say, talking and walking), are not as easy and free with Joey. But when you just have him, can you see it?
Well, can you?