Life is a Parade

Busy. busy, busy... Christmas is a-comin' and the goose is gettin' fat! Yesterday we went riding around looking at the first Christmas lights. Today we saw Santa, in the flesh! And we went to not one, but two parades!

The boys did better than Mommy this morning with Santa. I called to see when Santa would be starting, and the lady told me ten o'clock. We got there shortly before ten, to find not a soul waiting... there was a breakfast with Santa event, and the pictures wouldn't start until 10:30! I was hot. Really hot. But we made it through, and actually got a decent picture of Andy. Woo-hoo!

Then we dropped Daddy off to do some Christmas shopping, and drove out to Grandma's to see the Spotsy parade. It was OK, but with only one band, Joey's interest didn't hold. In fact, he was pretty scattered and everywhere. Andy did OK.

Then we went to church- Andy sat right in the front row like a perfect little angel the whole time! Not even a flinch! And Joey got to play drums; then we went outside to the Fredericksburg parade. Joey, being his love-the-world self, made himself a friend; a nice lady who helped me keep him on the curb, and made sure he got candy, and even got him into her lap when he got chilly. Andy tried a cinnamon candy, but I don't think he liked it much, too hot. The parade was so long, though, we had to leave, after being there two hours and no end in sight. :P

So a happy opening to the holiday season... Merry Christmas!

On The Brink

Today is the day.

We stand poised between holidays at my house. Today is the day I looked about and thought, "I need to get these fall things packed up." But for our house, its a hair too early to put out Christmas things. Just a cople of days- Advent calendars need to appear on Saturday- but just that moment on the brink, between fall festivities and Christmas holidays.

I should spend this moment cleaning, making the house ready for the decorations to come. I have an extensive Christmas decoration collection, so I need everything cleared and cleaned. I was originally planning a whiz-bang Christmas decorating campaign, but with Andy not in preschool, there's no time. So just normal levels- the door garlands, the trees, the mantel, the greens, the baking... we'll see. Here at the brink, anything is possible.

Fortunately, Joey loves Christmas, and gets happy about the Christmas decorations; but I do think it throws him off. We have increasing trouble with him through Christmas. After all, everything is so exciting and different and strange. New things to do, sparkles everywhere...

I have four weekends between now and Christmas. I'm hoping to work two of them. This weekend, we have the parades; Joey loves parades. We're hoping Andy is well enough to go to at least one of them, too. I might try to sneak a trip to Santa in here, too- but Andy won't like that. Next weekend is our trip to Valley View. Then two Saturdays of working. The tree will probably go up the evening of the 21st, and be done by the evening of the 23rd. That's teh way to open the Christmas break! By then, everything else will need to be done.

Yep, here we are at the brink. Anything is possible.

Food Consumption Resumes

Omnicef. Yay. His ear still hurts, but at least Andy is eating again. Kinda. More than not eating at all. I'll take it. Fruit snacks make headway into the household. Dinosaur-shaped, for extra positive reinforcement and enticement.

Why they don't just print "candy" across the box... oh, right. Marketing.

Need to clean things. House. Disaster. Child needs more tylenol before he starts screaming again. Nothing done. Printer out of toner. No chance of getting to Staples today. Again.

i need to eat something.

Still Sick, Still Not Eating

So we're up to chocolate milk, juice, and lollipops. And the meds, if I use a syringe. Thats it. That's all he'll eat.

Doctor tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

Five Good Things

Ooo, meme games. Cool. I've been working all day, and will be working tomorrow, so being able to fall back on memes is a good thing. I don't have to think too much.

This one is from mcewen (Whitterer): five good things.

1. A long hot bath by candlelight with Sting on the CD player (MP3 player?) and a glass of wine in the hand. Followed by lots of moisturizer, powder, a very thick, soft white towel, and a warm bed.

2. Tickle fights. Whole family tickle fights.

3. Santa entering Herald Square. {That's my tipped hat to Thanksgiving!}

4. A bushel of crabs, a case of good beer (very cold), a long table full of friends, and all night ahead of you.

5. Four rolls of quarters and four rolls of dimes at Marty's Playland in May, when all the Christmas prizes are "half-tickets".


So... what are your five good things?

A Word About Snail

We're in Franklin Mode here, especially Andy, so I see way too much of it. But I have a favorite- Snail.

If you are unfamiliar with Franklin, the series focuses on a turtle who is generally a good kid, but he makes mistakes and then has to learn what to do about them. He has several friends who help with this. Snail is one of Franklin's best friends, and often share in interesting adventures.

Why Snail? Because Snail needs help with some things. He's slow, so he needs a ride to the bus stop or home. He can't be a hider in hide and seek because he'd take too long to hide. He cheers at teh soccer games because he doesn't have feet and can't run.

But best of all, he is never referred to as disabled, handicapped, or otherwise labeled. It's simply part of who he is- he's Snail. He's a snail. It's just the way it is.

I liked best how it was discussed in the episode "Nature Walk"- snail just has his own snail way of doing things. He's been a snail all his life- he's pretty good at it by now.

May that someday be the attitude towards all people. They are the way they are. They have their own way of doing things, and should be allowed to do the things they can do- and yet not be afraid to ask for help when they need it.

Andy Food Update

Today, he ate one french fry.

Perhaps it was a reward for Mommy, who took him to see the dinosaurs at Natural History after dropping Uncle Evan off at his apartment.

And then there were none

Anybody have a child who just completely stopped eating? We are on day three of Andy's Chocolate Milk diet. Granted, he has a bad cold... but to not eat anything? I can't even get this kid to eat cookies. What's the deal?

Wordless Wednesday: Once Upon A Time

A Day In The Life

There's nothing quite like going about one's day, looking up, and seeing this:



Especially when your first thought is: "I wonder how long that's been there?"

Meme x 8

Ok, Stimey. I'll bite.

8 Things I am Passionate About:

1. Allan.
2. South Asian art and culture.
3. Individualized education.
4. Raising my children (not just letting them grow up).
5. History and wildlife conservation.
6. Christmas.
7. Crabs and beer.
8. Spreading smiles. (Ever just walk around a store smiling at people to see if they stop looking so sour?)

8 Things I Say Often:
1. Honey/Hon
2. Oh my goodness.
3. Good job, Buddy!
4. You are going to drive me NUTS.
5. *disdainful grunt at hearing something absolutely ridiculous*
6. What did I come in here for?/I can't remember why I came in here.
7. GUUU-UUYS!
8. Squish a boy!!!

8 Books I have Read Recently:
1. Harry Potter (I just lump them all together...)
2. The Lord of the RIngs (again, I just lump them all together...)
3. Jane Eyre (it doesn't say "for the first time" after all...)
4. North American Indian Art
5. The Camel Who Took A Walk
6. The First Thanksgiving
7. Franklin Stays Up
8. Where the Wild Things Are

Oh, don't bedtime stories count? I don;t get much time for reading...

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. See the Minakshi Temple in Madurai.
2. Start a local school dedicated to individualized education offering services in an inclusive setting.
3. Pay off my credit cards.
4. Go to my daughter's wedding. [Note that I do not currently have a daughter.]
5. Open an herb farm. On 1000 acres With a potter's wheel. Oh, and learn to use said potter's wheel.
6. Write a book about my grandmother and her painting career.
7. Meet the Dalai Lama.
8. Win the lottery, a really big one, to fund all these cool projects.

8 Songs I could listen to over and over:
1. The Good, by Rachel Coleman.
2. A Thousand Years, by Sting
3. Take On Me by A-Ha
4. I'm Alrght by Kenny Loggins
5. No Myth by Michael Penn
6. Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn
7. Quinn the Eskimo by Bob Dylan
8. Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie

I could go on. But this is todays list.

8 Things That Attract me to my Best Friends:
1. Ability to call each and every one of them at 4 am if the need arose.
2. Quirk of character. Normal people are boring.
3. Strength of presence.
4. Ability to laugh... no matter what.
5. Acceptance. After all, I'm a nutcase.
6. Connection. Most folks are so closed off, they just can't connect. At least I can't seem to connect and plug into them.
7. Familiarity. I don't have to put on my Sunday Manners. Makes putting on Sunday Manners all that much more fun.
8. Willingness to share interests. I don't mind folsk who don't have common interests with me, but Ido like to know about them and what they find interesting, and why!

8 People Who Should Totally Do This Meme:
1. The bored person.
2. The blogger with no material for the day.
3. The person who likes memes.
4. The folks who feel they have an interesting list to reply with.
5. Someone who likes to "shift" memes to add interesting new twists.
6. A personwho has never done a meme before.
7. Somebody trying to look busy at work.
8. You.

Other parents

One of the other parents in our school district wrote an editorial in our local paper, and I thought I'd comment here, maybe a first draft of a response.

First, I'd like to be clear that I have mixed feelings about the author of the editorial, and I do know her son, but have not seen him in over a year. My feelings are mixed because I have great admiration for her ability and energy to fight for her son. However, this is a case where this lady got what she wanted at everyone else's expense; her battle casualities included the best preschool teaher I have met, and being on the preschool circuit for three years, I met quite a few- and certainly this lady was the best teacher we had in that preschool. On top of that, clearly we disagree about how to deal with autism. She has a clear agenda for what to do; I, as usual, believe in individualization.

I'll start at the beginning.. the scenario of devastation as the screening comes back "on the spectrum." I am all about fighting this right here. I understand the feeling of devastation. I also know the root of that pain is ignorance. When a child is diagnosed autistic, arents are caught unprepared. It may be the first time they had ever heard the word "autism." They know nothing about it. Until you are in the world of special ed, you have no idea what it is, or who is in it. Our culture values the "beautiful people", and anyone not fitting this mainstream idea of "normal" is cast aside one way or another. Your child is diagnosed with autism, and all you know is you have a long road ahead of you, and have no idea where that road is going.

I started this blog to chip away from the panic. I think the editorial was Gleibys' way of trying to chip away at the panic. There should not be any reason to panic. At least for once, we have the same goal in mind. Get past fear by making it something not completely unknown.

And the next step is, I believe worthy. You are doctor just informing a parent that Little Johnny is autistic. When this happened for us, the doctor gave us a book that we discovered was well out of date, the phone number for his nurse, and advice to call the school. Needless to say, this was woefully inadequate.

So here is my Quick Guide for Parents for the Day After Diagnosis:

(The Day Of Diagnosis, just go home and enjoy your child. Maybe put a fresh pot of coffee on, or take up drinking coffee.)

1. Here are the people to call:
Local Autism clinic, if you didn't get get the diagnosis there. Here, that would both Kluge Children's Rehab and Kennedy Krieger. Some centers, like Kennedy Krieger, take a year to get an appointment for anything. Kluge takes a couple of months. A year is a little long, but a couple of months is OK. This is urgent, but not an emergency. Besides, you have other folks to call and get going.
The local school district. Many of teh supports your child needs are the responsibility of your local school district. You want to get a feel for the place, have an eval, get into the system- even if you decide to homeschool.
Your insurance. KNow what they will cover, and what they will not. Many insurances will cover OT without batting an eye, but will not cover speech therapy because it is "educational." Some insurance see "autism" and cover NOTHING. Some see it and cover EVERYTHING. Some therapies are considered educational and not medical- and this can be different from insurance to insurance, state to state. You may choose interventions that are not covered, and you need to know what you will be paying for, how much it will be, and what you will need to do to cover it.
The speech pathologist. Some centers have them, some local hospitals have them, and there are lots of private practice ones. Be sure they are going to work on communication, not just speech. Do they do sign language, switches, PECS? How do they use these as tools for communication, and not just learning to speak? How do they use them to encourage- but not force- speech? Do they also work with reading and other visual communication?
The physical therapist. Many autistic kids have gross motor problems that need to be addressed. Many don't need a PT (Joey doesn't need a PT).
The occupational therapist. Ask specifically about sensory integration therapies. Most autistic kids have some form of SPD (though not all!). You don't want just a buttons and zippers OT, you want one that will take an integrated approach and can address the needs of your child.
Your pediatrician. Be sure they are immediately aware. Ask questions. What will they do for you? What do they know abotu autism? Are they willing to do some research or attend a conference or workshop about autism? If you have a doctor who seems ignorant of autism- and many are- and is unwiling to beome educated, then you will be needing a new ped.
Psychologist. You may need some testing done in ways the school doesn't accomodate, some understanding of your child's mental health, and yes, you may need medications. Be prepared.
Your local Disability Resource Center. These types of organizations can help you navigate local resources, prepare for things like Medicaid Waivers, even help you understand disability law and rights. They can also help you network with other parents of disabled children.
State agencies for the disabled. Many states have offices specifically geared to helping people with disabilities and protect their rights. Its a good idea to be familiar with these offices and what they actually do in your state or locality.
A Lawyer. You're about to become an expert in disability law. School districts and insurance agencies can be not fun to work with. Be prepared. Find a lawyer and advocate who deal in disability and educational law. BE prepared in case you run into problems- its a lot easier to prepare for a fight if you already have your champion lined up, rather than waiting until you have a problem. I haven't met a parent yet who didn't have a problem.

I know that is a lot of phone calls. Prepare ahead of time- get a big loose-leaf notebook to keep paperwork, evaluations, even phone messages in. Just keep it by date; when you make a call, note it on a sheet with the date and a summary of what was discussed, and put it in the notebook. When the evals come, just put them in the notebook. Bills. Letters. IEPs. Anything. I even have Joey's birth certificate at the front. I'm on our second 3" binder.

2. Here are things you need to do:
Relax. Your child hasn't changed. You just have a new label to point you to resources you might need.
Read. The books I recommend are: From Emotions to Advocacy by Pete Wright.
1001 Great Ideas For Teaching and Raising Children with Autism by Zysk and Notbohm.
That will give you a start. I encourage folks to include their favorite resources in the comments.
Read some more. You will need to research different methods and strategies used with autistic children. Some I can think off the top of my head are ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis), PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System), Floor Time, Sensory Integration, Therapeutic Listening, GFCF (Gluten free/Casein free diets) {and other possible allergies and diets- if your kid has sensory issues, allergies can drive them crazy!], ABLLS (Asessment of Basic Language and Learning Skills), TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and related Communication-disabled[or handicapped] Children).
Get online. Check out the links I have in the sidebar. I've developed a handout for new parents here in Virginia, I'll be happy to email it to you. Also, you can network with more great folks like us. :)
Go out and have some fun! Remember, your child hasn't changed! Go out and do the stuff your child likes to do! Try to introduce your child to new experiences- as you would any child! These outings may take more preparation(and work) than for non-autistic families, but it's worth it. Keeping kids locked in the house will drive you crazy, too, and deny them living. Yes, some folks will stare. You may get unkind comments, or offensive comments. But you know what? You would have gotten them even if you didn't know about autism. Now you know how to support your child in the face of these people- "My kid's doing a great job with this new experience. What's your problem?"

Summary? You now know your child is autistic. Now you have a better plan for moving ahead and educating your child- which now makes your life better, not worse. Yes, now that you know the kinds of resources you need, you now have work to do to tap those resources- but now you have narrowed the field to the resources you may need!

See? Not scary. Just needs a little information!.

The Turkey is a-comin'!!!

We are all excitement here. Evan is coming.

My house is a disaster. Joey is sick. The guest bedroom isn't set up, and is in fact still full of boxes of I-have-no-idea-what-because-I'm-a-packrat-queen. I got the shower re-caulked and a new showerhead, but the showerhead isn't installed. Andy is hoarding again. But it's okay. Evan is coming.

Families are funny things. Families usually have two parts- the part that you were born with, and the part that appears over time. Folks who don't get the whole humanity thing forget about the second part of the family (often while complaining bitterly about the first part). They see them as outsiders, keep them at arm's length, forget to let them in and enjoy them. More and more and more people I meet are like that- there is an isolation of humanity in today's culture. We have become so focused on nuclear "family" that the rest of it drops into a grey abyss, our children not given the skills and understanding to expand their families and relish them. After all, all families are strange. They are full of people. People are here to be loved. Too many folks now expect people to meet certain ideas and expectations before they will even acknowledge the other person's existence, much less refer to the person as a "friend." Instead of taking people as they are, and start from there, and see what happens, they automatically exclude everyone until proven otherwise. Safer? Maybe. But you miss out on a lot of family.

Joey loves the world and the world loves Joey. People like to be accepted, no strings attached. Joey has a knack for that. "Hi, Friend!" he cheerfully calls to all and sundry. You're invited- you’re a friend until proven otherwise. Andy doesn't have this talent. He's far more of a question first, be friends if the answers are OK kind of guy.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is one of those family holiday things. People's families get together and celebrate being on the earth and get to have some time to just hang out and enjoy each other. We can appreciate Aunt Susie's love of carrot cake, the lopsided way Cousin Johnnie smiles, take joy in Grandpa's old war stories and Grandma's taste in clothes. We can pick up on the little clues that speak to who we are.

When we grow up, and go out to make our own little nuclear units, holidays are great times to remember the rest of our families. Those brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins who may not share our bloodlines, but remain our families. Those connections to humanity that remind us that we're all in this together, we might as well enjoy each other for this brief shining moment.

Evan is coming. Christmas is upon us.

I love Christmas.

Wordless Wednesday: Retrospective (Andy)

Moral of the stories: They aren't little for long.

Wordless Wednesday: Retrospective (Joey)

Sending him off to school

As the bus pulled off this morning, I had myself a nice little cry.

I've been sending Joey to school now for three years, this is his fourth. Oct 12, 2004. that was his first day of school. My little two-year-old baby, placed on a big yellow bus to whisk him off into the unknown. Without me.

Folks who read Tibetan Star's Aspie Home-Education know that I am a supporter of schooling. Actually, I'd like to correct that. I believe in individualized education. For everyone. And I believe that education occurs 24 hours a day, seven days a week, so most parents need to remember to be vigilant about educating their child, and what thir child is learning, all of the time. Most of the parents who communicate with me through this blog seem to be doig a very fine job with this. Some folks send their kids to residential schools. Some keep them home. Most mix the school- public or private- and home schooling, with a generous peppering of therapies and activities. We've become experts at individualized education. After all, the laws for our kids require it. We know they have a right to it, and it is our responsibility to preserve their rights.

One of the main advantages I see to school is that Joey learns independence. When at home, if Mom will do it for him and he knows it, he wont do it. Note the period. If I want him to learn to do something independently at home, I put Allan in charge of it. Allan is good at not letting Joey get away with letting others do things for him. You can pull up your own pants, Boy; let's see you do it! [pause] Good job!Allan taught him to drink from a cup. Allan taught him to dress himself. Allan is teaching him to bathe himself, and take a shower. He's a good teacher.

I miss my Joey. I miss having that little face with me, wandering through Tuesday Morning, leaning close together. I miss taking him to the farm, to the zoo, having him all to myself to show him the world at his own pace.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Andy. He's a good little buddy, and he's growing up with lightning speed. He loves seeing the world, too. He loves leaning against Mom while riding in the cart. He loves to look at the fish at Walmart. He loves to chase the chickens at Snead's. He loves to point to things and let me know what is around him. I'm more and more glad that we pulled him out of that preschool every day, because he's so much fun.

But I miss my Joey. We don't have a lot of minutes together, just us. In fact, we go to church for half an hour on Saturday evenings- and otherwise, I always have Andy, too. Andy's pace is so different from Joey's that we can't just slow down and let Joey process and look and do what he needs to do. I have to keep them together.

When Andy does finally go to preschool (and he will, because he has to have some experience at school to be successful in kindergarten these days), I may pull Joey for a couple of mornings. I'm planning little wanderings together. I trip to the farm. A wandering over to the park. Maybe a morning, just us, baking cookies or making playdoh or doing a craft. It won't be as easy as doing these things with Andy, but that would be part of the fun. Seeing Joey take things in his own way, at his own pace. Taking a minute to just be Mom and the Buddy-Boy again.

I miss my little Buddy.

With Love, From Home

Just putting out my plug for Operation Love From Home. Whatever you think about the war, remember that lots of folks over there would rather be over here with their families and friends. Let them know we support them, miss them, and care about them. Send a card. Thanks.

Just a moment of quiet

Andy isn't feeling well. He's fallen asleep on the couch, all nested in the cushions, with Cars on. The house is so quiet. Not quite as quiet as when I have no one here... but very, very still as the baby sleeps.

I thought I would just share a little moment of that quiet with you.

Exhausted

We've been having so many good days with Joey lately that when we get a hiccup, it can be a little jarring. JOey came home from school today absolutely exhausted. I don't know what they di dto the child, but he is tired. Oh, and he had four worksheets to do. Oh, and an assignment to look for things that begin with C. Oh, and we have to do tomorrow;s homework tonight, because tomorrow we have double therapies, one in the Stafford clinic. And we had the drum lesson tonight.

Something was amiss with the toy he decided to play with, and we could not get him distracted from it. Meltdown city. Then we had to do that homework and go to music lesson... yes indeed. One tired boy + way too much to do= not a good thing.

He banged on the drums pretty good. Mr. Shelby wanted him to tap the high hat with his right hand on eighth note counts and the snare with the left on alternate counts. OK, for those of you not familiar with drumming, this would require him to cross his hands, and do two different rhythms with each hand. That lasted all of about two seconds. For one, Joey hates crossing his hands, and dislikes crossing midline. Then trying to get those hand to do two different things? At the same time? Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Of course, that's why I have him in drum lessons. Bilateral coordination and processing and all that. But remember, he was tired before we even got there.

And I had no gum with me, becuase I am an idiot.

These are the kinds of afternoons that remind me not to take good days for granted. Don't forget the emergency sensory support kit. Stay on my toes, because you never know, and trying to get clues about what is going on from Joey when he's having a crazy day is like trying to get a cat to read braille. It's not happening.

Questions

There was a good sale downtown today. One our favorite stores is going out of business. That happens when teh world prefers Walmart. But I digress.

When Joey came home and Andy awakened from his nap (wow... he took a nap!), we (Grandma and I) loaded them both into the car, and headed for the shop. We spent some time explaining about going Christmas shopping and that sort of thing, the usual banter to prepare Joey for an unexpected outing, especially on a Friday (his afternoon off, when he prefers to stretch out on the livingroom floor and watch something preferred, such as Little Bear or Cars.) We've been having some trouble with Joey. He's been eching some phrases that have resulted in us emailing the teachers several times to ask what's happening at school- phreases like, "Stop talking now!" and "Eat your breakfast and leave!" and "You're going to Mrs. T!" [this is a reference to being sent to the principal's office]. This week, he's been parroting these things at the bus aide, who was rather upset this morning, to the point I had to remind Joey to be respectful and behave himself on the bus. Joey loves the bus. What's going on? Anyway, theres been a lot of echoing, a lot of motor-mouth lately, and now we're disturbing his schedule again to get 20% off of a bunch of stuff we don't need and possibly polish off my Christmas shopping list.

From the back seat, a musical little voice wafted:

"Where are we going?"

I automatically replied, "Down to the shop, hon."

Fortunately, we stopped at a stop sign. I looked at Grandma. Grandma looked a me.

Joey asked us a question.

There was no prompts, no cajoling, no setting up. It was a question, like any other five-year-old suddenly whisked from his house into the car and heading down the street. Where are we going? Perfectly natural question, especially if you weren;t really paying attention to teh jabber of your mom, talking about Christmas and stuff. Oh, we're going to the shop. OK. He was satisfied.

We were left to collect our teeth from the floorboards.

The Best-Laid Plans

It was cold and raw outside today, so Andy and I stayed home. My mom had a brilliant idea- we should make Rice Krispie Treats! So out we bundled to get Rice Krispies and marshmallows and butter.

It was going so well. He got the marshmallows- minus one- into the bowl. We watch the marshmallow expand in the microwave. We measured out the Krispies, six cups. We talked about measuring. He liked putting his hands in them, and he decided they tasted good. All systems were go.

Teh marshamllows came out of the microwave, we dumped the Krispies in, and stirred together. We spread them into the pan- my big pan, so they wouldn't be so thick and cut little mouths. So far so good.

Then I cut them. Not so good, as Andy wanted to cut, too, and we had to be told to put th knife down rather sharply. We had to wait a minute so they could cool.

Then Mom tried to hand Andy a Rice Krispie Treat.

No go.

After asking, begging, pleading, modeling, modeling again, more begging, asking, showing... no go. He finally would take one into his hand, but he will not put it in his mouth.

Can I just say, "more for me" and go to bed now?

Wordless... Thursday?

Pics from the Tuesday Adventure. Sorry, i forgot the camera and bought a toss-away, and had to get the *ack* film developed.

Planning an Adventure

Tomorrow is an exciting day. It's Election Day... which means, in Virginia, kids don't have school. I will have my Joey home all day long! So it is time to plan an Adventure!

So tomorrow I will pack my two guys into a car, and head off into the Great Wide Open, hopefully with Grandma kidnapped and safely stowed in the front seat. The world shall be our oyster. Adventure awaits.

The current plan is to take the boys up to DC to see the dinosaurs again. We usually do something new, but we do have to be back for a 3:30 speech appointment, so i kinda need to have an idea of where we are going and how long it will take to get back. This time, I hope to remember to take the camera. I keep forgetting it. I want a shot of Andy's face looking up at a real T-Rex. I want some footage of Joey watching the little video abotu fish mouth evolution. I want to buy overpriced sodas and cookies and eat them in a little cafe with fossils displayed in the tables. It's just one of those things.

But you never know with Adventures. Perhaps we will find something Completely New. Maybe I can entice them into the botanical gardens, or Air and Space. Maybe we'll take a wrong turn and end up at the zoo. Or the children's farm at Oxon Hill. I'll keep you posted!

Systemic

One of those little irritations in life I have is something called systemic poison ivy. The most common form of systemic poison ivy is when you breathe in smoke from a brush fire, the oil gets into the bloodstream, and you have a major breakout EVERYWHERE. I had a firend when i was little actually get poisin ivy INSIDE his mouth and throat, and they think it was even in his stomach. I don't get this kind. You can also get it from being allergic to the substances your body makes in the reaction. My mom gets this- her poison ivy can get so bad that you can jus sit and watch the patches bubble and ooze before your eyes, like some Martian landscape. I don't get that, either (thank GOD).

I get the kind that once I start seeing it anywhere, it starts to pop up as a bubble here, a bubble there, all over my body for the next few months. It is highly annoying.

My yearly poison ivy has begun. I get it this time of year because I am hacking down the autumn clematis, and invariably the ivy gets in it, and somewhere I have an inch of skin uncovered. Only this year I was particularly stupid, and didn't put on my gloves to take down the clematis. So naturally I got angry red welts across the back of my hand. Now it's startd the spreading stage. Its moving up my fingers, and I have single bubbles here... there... yep. The itching has begun.

Too much of my life is like that. Consequences you can do nothing about now, popping up here. There. It all becomes systemic, in a delicate system. But then, sometimes I think, at least I don't get poison ivy like Steve used to. Or my mom. Just an annoyig bubble or two, here and there. I can live with that. No prednisone required.

Caulk

We re in the midst of the joys of old bathrooms. This house is funny that way. The stuff in teh front of the house- built in 1929- gives us little trouble. Stuff in teh addition- circa 1983 downstairs and circa 1994 upstairs- is a mess. I mean a mess. This week its the shower. I think they must have tried to do the tiling themselves. Now we're trying to decide whether to just get a liner and seal the trashwork in, with the assumption that we will be ripping out most of this part of the house in about three to five years, or to do real repairs.

In anticipation of the grand event, we need to shut down teh use of our shower, and use the boy's bathroom. The caulk around the tub was cracking, so if it was about to be heavily used for showers instead of baths, it was time to re-caulk- or face another fun-filled bathroom problem. So I got out my handy-dandy scraper, got the old caulk off, put some fresh caulk down (new caulk is really wild stuff- far less conspicuous than the old stuff. Or I'm doing something really, really wrong.) The new caulk requires 36 hours to cure before exposing to moisture.

It went on so beautifully that it is (clearly) making me a little uncomfortable. So I checked it again this morning, and redid any spots that looked like they might be dodgy. We already had one night of no bathing the boys- two in a row won't do. We need a bathing solution.

That appears to be taking Indian-style showers in our bathroom. You know, the one we're supposed to be shutting down. :P Now imagine this: two boys. Water in a bucket. Soap.

Am I the only one who foresees two small, naked, wet, soapy bodies hurtling through the upstairs with squeals of glee?

Missing the Boy

Yesterday Andy had his first Kaleidoscope class. Kaleidoscope is a series of classes through the rec center for preschoolers. Each week is a different theme. They do crafts, read stories, sing songs, and talk about the different topics. This week was dinosaurs- so Andy was in seventh heaven. He got a new cardboard dinosaur mask, so he's a very happy boy.

It was also interesting for me. For one, I got to see a few more parents who have kids who are not in preschool- at least not on Thursdays. For two, I got to see Andy in action with other kids his age. He did perfectly. He wasn't the best kid, but he did just fine- he sat on the tape line when asked. He talked about his dinosaurs when asked to. He waited as well as everybody else (which, granted, wasn't perfect- but then, they were 3 and 4 years old!) He only had a little trouble when he asked for a T-Rex and got a Pteradactyl instead; but someone who wanted the pteradactyl traded, so that worked out. The teacher kept the lights down, which I think helped a lot. He didn't get flustered with all the kids, he did the coloring and rubbings, and otherwise had a fabulous time- like all the other kids. It was fantastic!

Joey would have loved it, too. He can do all of those things- sit in a circle, listen to a story, color... maybe not perfectly, but then, no one was doing it perfectly. He might not be able to answer questions about his dinosaur, but he would have grinned and charmed everyone anyway- and had a great time. I knw he has fun at school, but I do miss that boy.

Today is Friday- Joey's afternoon off. I'm considering all the things I could do with him. Theymight all be for naught, because my car is in the shop and I might have to disturb the afternoon to go get it, but still... a few hours with both my boys! Should we make playdough? Or pumpkin bread? Or maybe go to Chuck E. Cheese? Or perhaps head out to Wakefield for a little fall stroll? We've been out to Snead's alot, so perhaps something different. Maybe make turkey decorations? Or go to Grandma's and have a nature walk? I could make a fire in teh fireplace, and have them toast marshmallows? Or we could wander over to Aunt Christina's and visit Max and Charlie and Jack? Or go to the playground? We could get out the paints and markers and glue and have an art show. We cold go outside and relax in the sandbox. Perhaps we should start getting into the holiday swing and make a gingerbread house? Maybe we could go shopping and look a the Christimas stuff that's (already!) out? Perhaps we should stick to making pilgrim puppets and cornucopia pictures?

What is the best way to hug my boys and smooch on them and let them have a fabulous time?

Another afternoon where cleaning the house is put off for more important things...

Happy Halloween!

We had a pretty good Halloween.

I had to work, so I missed most of it. But we got the pumpkins carved, and the boys went Trick or Treating pretty early so I could see them in their costumes. I think they were pretty excited. Andy practically ran house-to-house. Joey was just happy to be Little Bear.

Carving the pumpkins is something of an adventure. Andy doesn't like his hands to be icky, but once Joey got home to do his pumpkins, Andy was all about it. Andy preferred the carving. We did a new thing this year, with cookie-cutter like things. You put the cutters on the pumpkin, then beat the crap out of them until they punch through. Needless to say, Andy was in heaven. Joey wasn't so sure, but he loves getting his hands into the pumpkin stuff. Since he usually likes clean hands, too, this love of goo is a real mystery.

Of course, Joey had to wear his Little Bear hood. I think he was pretty pleased to see a whole costume went with it. He even insisted on wearing it during most of the carving festivities. He was pretty pleased with himself.

He insisted on his second pumpkin being a face like a "real jack-o-lantern!" so I had him draw out a face, and then he sat and instructed me as to the carving of his jack-o-lantern... triangle eyes, and a round nose, and a mouth just like a plastic light-up jack-o-lantern the boys were playing with. I usually use a lot of stencils to do pumpkins- simple ones. The complicated ones just never turn out nice for me. Simple ones do fabulous.

I wonder what to do now... do I pack the hood away, hoping to wear the costume next year (I had to pin up the legs)? Or do i let him have his Little Bear hood that makes him so happy, and hope it survives a year of use (and abuse)? Or do I race out to the shop, and try to get another round of fabric to make a new hood for next year? I have the feeling I will be in the fabric store in the morning...

Just as Joey got to be Little Bear, Andy got to be T-Rex. Anything Andy thinks is scary or unknown, especially things with bones, is a "dinosaur" right now. There were some scary decorations up at the gym, and he was fine with them, as long as they were dinosaurs. I didn't disillusion him.

Yes, one Little Bear and one T-Rex. My children's true selves emerged as they danced up the street in search of chocolate and lollipops...

Wordless Wednesday: At the Farm

Tears

Joey had a field trip today to a fancier pumpkin patch than the one we go to. I like ours better, but that's for a different day. The point is, he went. Then he came home.

Another incident occurred between field trip and home. The bus had to take a child back to school. Due to increased press about kids being left strange places by buses around here, such as poor Stimey experienced, instead of returning to school at the end of the route, the bus drivers now must take the child IMMEDIATELY back to school, then go back on their route. When the bus arrived back at school, apparently Joey got himself out of his seat and started to get off the bus, and had to be re-settled.

When Joey arrived home ten minutes late, he got off the bus and practically ran to the house. I thought it a bit strange, but said goodbye to the driver and followed him. I found him in the living room, his face buried in the couch cushions, absolutely inconsolable.

Thus begins a game of Twenty Questions that breaks the heart. Joey is not good at questions, but without them, I have no way of getting any information. Unfortunately, even if he answers a question, the answer may or may not be accurate, relevant, or even make any sense. It becomes a very strange game of Sherlock Holmes, sifting through the words I get to come up with some clues to what occurred with the child over the day, and to see if any of those occurrences might explain the current behavior. To make things more complicated, any incident he describes or offers may or may not have actually happened to him... he can get just as upset about something that happened to a classmate in his presence as something that happens to himself.

The clues I have are that he does not want to be hugged (HIGHLY unusual), something about Andy is not here (Andy was sitting right next to him) and Where is Andy? Something about Mrs. S and Mrs. H (his teachers), the bus, and someone asking him "Do you understand me?", a possibility that he almost missed the bus, and he refuses absolutely to discuss the field trip or look at the pumpkin he brought home. He also says he will miss recess, and will miss "first."

My current theory is that he did not get on the bus like he was supposed to, probably to come back from the field trip, and was threatened with either not having recess or some other threat if he did not get on the bus. He did not respond (probably process what was being said to him); perhaps he was asked to get on, then escalated to telling him his teachers were on the bus, to that inane question ("Do you understand me?"), to threats of punishment. If he was already upset, such a scene would certainly be traumatizing.

However, I have NO IDEA. I emailed the teachers, but have yet to have a response, so I sit here with no way to untangle these threads, and to try to talk to him about what happened- or didn't happen.

The Hood Mommy Made

On Wednesday, I introduced you to this image: Joey wearing the hood to the Halloween costume I made for him.

My mom always made our costumes when we were little, and they were things of wonder. I was Bo Beep with apron and calico dress, fluffy with eyelet lace. I was Tinker Bell, in green velvet complete with little zig-zag hem, a re-make from my brother's Peter Pan costume, complete with little Robin Hood style hat. I was a witch with a lined, zig-zag edged cape and dress and little broom. There was the spotted cat costume. There was the ghost costume with two veils, so that I seemed to drift over the night. There was teh Charlie Brown Ghost costume- complete with a drawing of Snoopy as the Red Baron on the back, and all the eyeholes on the front. There was the caterpillar costume that became the flea in teh flea circus (the school has a circus theme one year). My mom could make costumes. I remember them. They were, to me at the very least, works of art; and I still have that little witch cape to prove it.

When we bought the fabric for the Little Bear costume, my life was looking a little different from now. I have no idea where my mom got time to make my costumes, but I do have some memory of her at the sewing machine. My guys see the sewing machine and their whole goal in life is to touch the needle and work the pedal and steal the thread. But it was OK- it was Andy's first day of school, and I would have a few hours a week to myself, and could spare some to make a costume. It turned out to be cheaper to buy one (and I'm sure my mom made ours when we were little partly because it was far cheaper to do so), but I persevered; I would make my child's Halloween costume. As it should be.

There are some images that the American public hold as icons of normalcy. Norman Rockwell life come home to our own peaceful existance, testiments to tranquility, to liberty, to the American Dream. Moms bake cookies. Kids play on bicycles. Dads take out the trash and mow the lawn. Making Halloween costumes is one of those images. There is nothing that says "peace in life" than a home=made Halloween costume. Yes, I know most of us don't do it. Like I said, these days, its so much cheaper to buy one. But it's just one of those things. Besides, I come from a long history of a search for normalcy- I grew up with the gifted kids. I actually wrote papers in college about how kids labeled "gifted" create subculture based on a search for normalcy- with a skewed sense of what "normal" means. I'll blog about that sometime. Back to the topic at hand...

Even with Andy pulled from school, the loss of those few hours (which we have filled with a grand old time, I must say), and the chaos of life as usual, I have persevered yet again, and the costume is made. Its not as beautiful as the costumes my mom made. The front tummy patch is askew. the legs are not of equal length, nor are the sleeves. But it is done, it zips up, and the hood is made.

So I gave Joey the hood the other day, so he would see he was really going to be Little Bear for Halloween. He promptly put it on. When it was time for bed, he melted down when I told him he had to take it off. He "wanted his Halloween." That nightly complaint has changed to "I want to be Little Bear!" In the morning, he comes down the stairs and puts it on. He quietly takes it off to go to school. He comes home from school, goes the table, fetches the hood, and puts it on. He wears it all afternoon, and cries when bedtime comes, and it is time to take it off.

When Joey is in his hood, he is Little Bear. He loves being Little Bear. It makes him so happy to be Little Bear, and have his brother T-Rex, and relax in his house and have Mom bake him cookies. Before, he just was Little Bear, reminded everyone he was Little Bear, and Andy was T-Rex, and I was Mother Bear, and Janene was Big Bear, and Miss Megan was Medium Bear, and Grandma became Grandmother Bear, and sometimes Andy was Duck. But now... now he has a hood, brown and furry and with ears. He is Little Bear. The transformation is complete.

I wonder what he will do when he realizes there is a whole body costume and mittens to go with the hat.

Wordless Wednesday: Rainy Day Inside

Sorry to have been on hiatus- had to grade midterms.

"No Siblings Allowed"

What is more annoying than people who say one thing, then act completely against those words, while claiming to be "holier than thou"?

We had our quarterly Special Education Parent's Advisory Committee meeting last night. One of our brave school folks used the evening to put forth a new "Where are the parents?" campaign. Precious minutes that could have been spent at the bar where instead wasted with school personnel dragging us into "what can we do to attract parents?" I suppose moving the meeting each time to a different school, so parents would be more comfortable, is a good idea. The rest have been tried. Fliers? Done that each year. Phone calls? Been there, done that. Online links? How many times have I been reminded the majority of parents don’t have computers? Yet it remains the same half-dozen folks sitting here at the table. Yes, we'll put out a flier, and I'll spend hours on the phone and we'll send out emails and take out ads in the paper and put ads into the newsletters. We might get a few new faces for a meeting. But at the end of the day- I'm putting my money on having the same half-dozen faces here.

But why I get really annoyed with these campaigns is because there has also been another round of new policies- all of which discourage parent participation. Parents are not permitted at school parties. Functions that were "parents welcome 'before are now closed. And best of all- this year, siblings are not welcome- not at parties, not at functions, not on field trips, not at meetings. No siblings allowed.

When I was little, younger children often accompanied parent chaperones. Children who are not in daycare have nowhere to go when Mom or Dad is accompanying the older child on a field trip or helping organize the class party. We enjoyed meeting younger siblings (and a few times, I was that younger sibling, who got to meet Big Brother's friends!) It was part of the fun, part of the special moment, part of that community-building and socializing that school is supposed to be fostering. Remember "family values"?

Now that I'm a mom, who {gasp} has more than one child, the impact of this new policy is more sinister. It is isolating. I get no chance to meet other parents, see how my child does in unusual situations, participate and support his school experience. I have no idea who the other families are. As a special needs parent, I'm already pretty separated from the other families. Now I can't come at all.

Want to know where the parents are? We're raising our kids. And clearly, people who are busy raising kids are not welcome at school, anyway.

Never In Doubt

Wordless Wednesday, Part II: A Brother's Love