Fear

We have an interview with a new school on Thursday. It's a well-established Montessori school. I would really like Andy to go there, because the glimpse I had of the facility was really promising, it comes highly recommended from both parents and previous students (who are often the same people), and Montessori does emphasize skills and ideas I would like Andy to have. Self-discipline. Wonder. Interest in learning. Being able to read the map, rather than just know the route to specific destinations.

Andy is three years old. He does not currently possess these skills. We just left a school that seemed to assume kids possessed skills I thought were the goal of preschool- things like sharing, following instructions, self-care. A big worry is the idea that if we go with this school, we are obligated to the full tuition. In other words, if something goes wrong, we're out a lot of money and probably cant afford to try another school. What if the environment turns out to be over-stimulating, so that he can't focus? How common is it for kids to get so interested in new things that they forget the bathroom? I thought it was pretty common, but apparently not. What about the impact on his personality of spending so much of his life in waiting rooms, of having a brother with a disability? The impact of his own weaknesses in sensory integration and communication? What if he melts down? Will they throw him out? Do other kids sometimes melt down in school? What if he becomes aggressive with his frustration? Will they help, or just tell me to come get him? Are these "normal" problems to have?

Having Andy tossed from preschool (well, technically, I pulled him out, but he was clearly unwelcome) has been a real shock. He is so very ready, and yet he has issues. I thought all kids had issues. Now I'm not so sure. What if his issues are considered unacceptable?