The funniest thing of all time.

A frequent perception of autistic kids is that they lack a sense of humor. Joey is not that way, though he has trouble with jokes; understanding them and telling them so that they're funny to others is extremely challenging for him.

So when I arrived back at the homestead after the day's work, I was greeted with, 'Does a snowman zerzer wiener? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA', accompanied by several Andy cackles.

Wha? Can he possibly have said what I thought I heard him say? Oh yes. 'Daddy, hahahaha, does a snowman, ka-ha-ha, have a WIEEEEENERR?' I lost it. Bad daddy, I know.  Apparently this had been a frequent refrain today on the less-than-stressfree outing to the Christmas store in Ashland. My bad. 

Oh, the hilarity. But now, I had to put this particular horse back in the barn. Because things that Joey finds funny can get said at any time, in any situation, in front of any one. I like it that he's developing a sense of humor, even if it is potty humor. It IS age-appropriate, after all. It's the lack of contextual use that is the problem. If he wants to talk like this around his peers and his brother (and me), I'm all about that. It's a vital social skill that will help him make friends and fit in when/if that's what he wants.

But what about if he says it to a girl in his class? Or his grandmother? (which of course he has done!) Or a teacher? People are hyper-sensitive about this kind of thing as it is, and he just doesn't need any more social hurdles to climb.

But no, Joey. Most snowmen definitely do not have wieners. Now we get to ask him why he thinks that is. Good times.

Foot Stimming

You can tell its a holiday around here- the boys are foot stimming a lot more. This is what I call it when they step and stand on things on purpose, or try to get a lot of input through their feet (like jumping a lot). The trampoline is rolled away for the holiday, but it may be time to pull it back out...

Andy likes the lego tub top best. He puts it in front of the TV, then rocks on the raised rim while watching his Zoboomafoo.

Joey likes jumping on things and into the shallow pool at the gym.

They've both been standing on blankie and even skiffing about with blankie under their feet. Blankie is knit, so the texture provides input. They've also been trying to bounce on the sofa a lot.

Shoes and socks seem to be either completely to be banned, or worn constantly. Usually banned.

The foot input also means Andy and Joey both have more trouble sitting without footstools to put their feet on. That little bit of elevation means you lean onto your feet more, thus more input. At lunch yesterday, there was a lot of dancing around the chairs.

My current plan is to track down some bubble wrap and put it on my floor to test my theory, If I find two little guys attracted to it like flies to honey, then I'll know we need to invest in some more. And get the trampoline back out.

What I have learned this Christmas (so far)

1. Don't bother wrapping Joey's presents. The unwrapping process exhausts him, and the overload of excitement means it will take all day to unwrap his presents.
2. Once Joey has the toy he wants, he's done. The rest of the presents can sit there until next Christmas.
3. Boys. Trains. Life is good.
4. Andy, a ball, Joey sitting on the ball, and a pair of loppers left on the porch is not going to turn out well. (No one got hurt, but Joey was heartbroken about the ball.)
5. You can explain socially significant things to Andy using words.
6. Lightsticks make great nightlights.
7. Children really will fall asleep during a story if the story is long enough. And is about girls, and they are boys.
8. In the time it takes me to put Andy's coat on him, Joey can be out the office door, out the building, to the van, and buckling himself into his seat.
9. If you need a toy to distract a child, go for the dancing, singing turkey. Seriously.
10. Even if the tinsel is only on the tree at someone else's house, not yours, and you go to visit that someone, tinsel appears at your house.
11. Tinsel does indeed go undigested through the digestive system of a cat.

You can take a little tour of my Christmas decorations here.

Need a notebook

Over the past couple of days, I thought of at least half a dozen things to blog about.

Now I have a minute and the computer, I can't remember any of them.

I suck.

Merry Christmas!

We had a lovely, quiet Christmas. The boys were very happy to see those presents! Andy was ready to jump right in ad tear that paper off to get to all his treats. Don't worry, Santa brought him his dragon.

Joey was a little more stand-offish, but he was very happy to unwrap that first present and find a large blue car- just what he wanted! Joey wears out faster, and after three packages, he retreated to the quieter kitchen to play some video games before coming out to open more gifts.

Andy was also excited to get this wonderful pirate ship! He has been playing with it, and when he got stickers in his stocking, he turned it into a dinosaur ship!

Yarr! 'Tis a pirate ship, matey!

The ship has sailed all over the first floor in search of adventure. It has been attacked by dragons, laid seize to a castle, and even sailed past the fearful Turkey of Death!

It is always fascinating to watch Andy play and make up his own stories to go with his toys.

Joey got his car, but he also got some other nice toys, like a rocket and the aforementioned castle, and lots of legos.

I think he liked the rocket because Max likes rockets. The boys got personal DVD players from Grandma, and he's been watching himself some Max and Ruby! It was very calming for him, which is always a good thing. Joey did very well remember to take breaks and take his time. The self-regulation is coming right along!

Mom and JoeyAndyDad and Grandma and Uncle Evan got some cool presents, too. Joey gave me a necklace, a ring, a potholder, and a candle holder; Andy got me a lovely winter decoration. Grandma got a salt and pepper shaker set from Joey, and tea towels from Andy. Andy got Dad a mug and a tie that plays Jingle Bells. I also got a cool iPod Nano, and JoeyAndyDad got some Apple gadget thing he wanted. It's not an iPhone, but its everything but the phone.

After the main presents,we had some lunch, then took our time to open up the stockings. They had small goodie bags in their rooms when they woke up, but stockings here are full of small toys, candy, and a clementine in the toe.

The boys got harmonicas from Santa in their stockings. I have been informed that I am not permitted to complain about the cacophony.

Andy likes to perform for the singing, dancing turkeys. Perhaps he will be a musician!

He also liked sneaking up on and pouncing on the turkeys, and preying upon them as a T-Rex. Diving at them and knocking them over so their little feet flapped helplessly in the air was also a popular passtime.

Another popular toy was the shark fan Andy got from Joey's teacher, which also attacked the castle, ship, and Turkey of Death.

We also played a few rounds of the fishing games, and ate lots of chocolate. Oh, and cookies. And roast beef. And more chocolate. I need to bake more cookies next year.

One thing that Joey told us he wanted was snow. Until a couple days before Christmas, "snow" was the only consistent thing he asked for. Santa couldn't control the weather, so he brought Joey some snow in a tub- the kind you add water to.

Andy's stocking also included a volcano and plenty of chocolate, a fishing game, and plenty of dinosaurs.

The boys also got these tin lasers- no batteries required. Andy had a shoot-out with his Daddy. Old-fashioned toys are so cool- all the play value, none of the batteries (so they work better for longer!)

Get him, Andy! Get that Dad!

Watching the guys play is one of the star attractions of Christmas Day. :)

Even Dad got something cool- this solid chocolate Santa! Yum yum yum! Who doesn't want a huge chocolate Santa for Christmas, after all? (yes, I did say "solid"!)

Other hits of the day? The Ladybug game, the faux dissect-a-frog, the remote-control tarantula, and Hyperdash! I hope to get some batteries into Joey's lightning machine machine soon, and let you know what that's like.

Of course, Joey's favorites included the singing stockings- the reindeer and the puppy. As afraid as he is of regular dogs, stuffed toys are an attraction. He took the puppy to bed, singing Jingle Bells!

Wordless Wednesday: Christmas is a-Comin'!

(Or, alternatively, Why are all these fat geese running around?)

Views from Joey's Camera

Coming soon: a good game of "guess what this picture is!" Joey likes all sorts of close-up textures.

Kickin' and Takin': Christmas Edition

So my mom so completely and totally rocks that she helps me pay for a person to come clean my first floor twice a month. Tomorrow is Cleaning Lady Day. I decided to take full advantage of this by getting a ready for Christmas as possible before she comes, so that once she cleans, the house will be "Christmas cleaned." This is two days sooner than I am normally ready for Christmas. I am often putting together my greens arrangements when the bayberry candle whiffs out on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning. But this year? I rock.

Tree up. Garlands up. Bannister garland up. New shelf displayed with my paper village and bottle-brush tree collection. Dining room table cleared and set with past Santa photos and a plate for Santa's cookies and a mug for Santa's milk (or Crown Royal...) Buffet cleared and set with Three Kings collection display. Mantel done. Greens arrangements done. Kitchen table cleared and Christmas tablecloth on. Kitchen (mostly) cleared. Boys' presents, husband's presents, Evan's presents, and Grandma's presents wrapped, except for the couple I just found hiding in the guest room.

Yes, folks, we are totally kickin' and takin' tonight. We'll just ignore the sore throat.

Tis the Season

I wonder why the boys seem to be out-of-sorts.

There is a large, sparkling and blinking tree in the living room. Over every portal in the house is a garland of sparkly, glittery objects. The kitchen is trimmed with lights that have 15 different settings for how fast they blink. The familiar knick-knacks are all packed away and the surfaces crowded with unfamiliar objects in bright colors and glittery highlights. Furniture has been re-arranged. The usual TV shows have been replaced by Charlie Brown, the Grinch, and variations on a story about a greedy old guy who seems absolutely clueless about other people and life in general, until a dark spooky figure scares the crap out of him. Life seems to be moving from party to activity to party. The kitchen is also set up to be an ornament factory and bakery, and the house is filled with the smell of cinnamon, ginger, and clove, until I spray it to add the smell of orange, pine, and balsam.

Can you say "stimulation overload"?

Wordless Wednesday: Preparing for the holidays

Lost Shoes

We missed the bus this morning.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is to not be able to find a pair of scissors. I am so bad at losing scissors, I buy them regularly. I was at an estate sales once and bought ten pairs. When I grandfather died, one of the things I claimed was a pair of scissors. I just bought two new pairs last week.

I have no idea where any of them are.

I have unfortunately passed this talent for losing important things to my son. This morning we needed to find Joey's shoes, like every morning. This had become such a problem over the summer that we designated a spot next to our front stairs for shoes. I have a bench in the front hall, the kind with three cubbies with baskets for holding... well, toys for us. Shoes go next to it. Of course, its been moved a little so I can fit the tree table and stand (the hall opens nicely into the living room). So I head over the the bench to grab Joey's shoes... and no shoes.

Under the couch? No shoes.

Under the kitchen table? The trampoline? The dining room table? No shoes.

Bathroom, bedroom, upstairs hall? No shoes.

Joey only really has one pair of shoes. I buy him good ones form Stride Rite. The good thing is he knows his shoes, and we don't have to worry about wanting one pair or another. The bad thing is if we lose them, they have to be found.

Joey's visual scanning and other skills he needs to find objects in a jumble are not good. I-Spy books frustrate him. He quickly figured out that his shoes were missing... and that I was quickly growing frantic trying to find them. This just made it worse, of course, and we were soon in full-meltdown (level 2). Asking Joey to please find his shoes only escalates the problem; if I can't find them, why should he?

So we tried some questions. Where did you take your shoes off? Where did you put them? When we came in from bike-riding, where did you go? I got nothing but more screaming and random pointing.

And then the bus horn beeped.

With no shoes, I had to send the bus on, which sent us to level 3.

It was another ten minutes before I found the shoes. Where were they?

Jammed behind the bench. Remember I said I moved the bench? He had put his shoes where they would be if I hadn't. Only the bench was now in the way...

Buying in bulk

I wrapped the gifts for Joey's and Andy's educational teams. We had seventeen to wrap for Joey, and four for Andy. How do we do it?

We buy in bulk. When we see a good deal on something, we buy them. Lots of them. I had gotten used to the concept when I was young, and Perrygo Christmas drew near. My dad has a sister and two brothers, and each have multiple children. To get through, we hit all sorts of sales and outlets to get the best deal for our dollars. My mom is a pro at seeking the best deals.

This year's deals were through Williamsburg. We got real Lenox dishes to fit our budget. We ordered 25 of them. I think the folks at the shop were a little freaked out. We also stocked up on some other items on sale for future presents- after all, the boys are going to be in school for a while. The storage problem is solved by keeping everything at my mom's office. I thought about keeping a blog of where the deals are, but then you'd all buy everything out and I'd not get these awesome gifts for my people. ;)

A few years back, Ross Simons was the most awesome site to get gifts in bulk. When Overstock first opened, it was also uber-awesome. Both of these sites are now too big for their britches, kind of like "outlet malls" which are now just retail strip malls, not "outlets." When I was very little, we would drive to Reading , Pennsylvania to go to the real factory outlets, like Carter's- but I wonder if they are still there, or have the factories all gone to China?

One of the tricks is to find websites of companies you like, and look for the online outlet. Decide how much to spend per person. Then stick to that. If they don't have stuff in budget, look for another good site. Most catalogue companies have websites now. Saves you gas an frustration of shopping, too.

Now I need to turn my attention to wrapping for the family. Woo-hoo!

Ten Years.

As I put up the ornaments and wrap the gifts, write the cards and hunt for a bayberry candle, I do think about that last telephone call. You just never know when something is going to be the last.

Here's hoping that it wasn't.

Merry Christmas, Love, Me

Ah, yes, the season of Christmas cards. I actually made plenty of pics to enclose this year, printed plenty of our holiday letter, even bought pens just for the purpose. Weeks ago, I noticed a bag full of boxes of Christmas cards somewhere in the guest room or attic as I was poking around. I also had a few boxes ready to go on the diningroom table. Oh good, I thought. I have a ton cards, I don't need to buy anymore.

This is a big deal. We all have our foibles. One of mine is buying loads and loads of Christmas cards, particularly just after Christmas, and storing them up for the grand Sending of the Cards. Then I would see pretty cards I liked right ater Thanksgiving, so I would buy more. And then the after-Christmas sales would come...

This began partly because I had an obsession with greeting cards when I was younger, and partly because I used to send out almost 250 cards. This year I am down to 127. I need lots of cards. However, I don't need truckloads of them each and every year. The idea that "I don't need to buy cards" would even cross my brain is just huge.

So I sat down to write my cards yesterday. Think I can find that bag o' cards now?

Oh ha ha.

The Witching Hour Strikes Again

It was so cold and raw and rainy and nasty yesterday, we decided it was best to just take Grandma home and pick her up this morning, rather than transfer her from our nice, warm, toasty car to her cold, clammy car to send her home. So we grabbed Joey from the bus and headed to Grandma's.

And then the Witching Hour struck.

I had two thundering elephants strapped into the backseat with no space to thunder in! So naturally, they started beating on each other. Loudly. Andy started throwing toys. Grandma finally has to take a toy away, and he started screaming. Joey started imitating him. You can imagine from there.

Cold. Tired. Wet. Miserable. The perfect storm for a Witching Hour. It was so bad, nobody got enough gold stars to get a prize (they are currently in love with glow sticks).

As the storm passed and we arrived home, my ears heaved a sigh of relief. They were so exhausted, we couldn't even bake cookies. Early story time with a few extra stories, then bed.

The good news is Joey did his homework perfectly this morning. And he's having his sleepover at Grandma's tonight, so we've been having fun talking about it. And Andy is sleeping in.

Wordless Wednesday: First Snow of the Winter

Modern Medicine to the Rescue

Thank you, God, for modern medicine.

My great-grandfather Conway was a Methodist minister, and his first church was to be in Buffalo, New York. He had three young sons (Buster, Bob, and Dick), a baby daughter (Barbie Hope) and a young wife to pack up and take from Baltimore to New York. What happened next is a bit of a mystery, and my clues are only family stories, I have no documentation (yet). What I can document is that the young wife returns without a husband and minus one son (Buster) to Baltimore, to move in with her husband's aunt.

According to family lore, my great-grandfather died of pneumonia from influenza, as did Buster. We originally thought Bob brought it home from school, but we now know they were gone before Bob was sent to school. We don't even think he made it to take on the church we was assigned in Buffalo. My great-grandmother was a single-parent working mother before such a thing was commonplace, trying to raise three children alone in Baltimore.

Joey has had three episodes of turning blue. Once he got severely chilled in school, and went cold. Then he had croup- with an onset like lightning. And now he's had pneumonia. So I find myself wondering if I would have my son if I had been my great-grandmother. Would by little Buddy have met the same fate as Buster?

Return of the Boy: Steel Trap Memory

Joey went to school today. I was a little nervous, and he seemed a little tired when he got home, but otherwise he's been OK. We even got some homework done with minimal grousing. He started money in school today, very exciting.

When he came home, we still had Grandma with us, and had to take her back to her office. He was happy to get to see Grandma and take a ride in the warm car (my house is older and tends to be cold- we need to replace the windows.) He also was happy to ask Grandma if he could come stay at her house!

We agreed that Friday would be a good day for Joey to have his turn at Grandma's. Andy is a little miffed (he wants to stay at Grandma's all the time, too).

"One at a time," Joey confirmed. "Only one can stay at Grandma's."
"That's right," we agreed.
"Yes, Grandma has a bad knee," Grandma offered as an explanation.
"Oh, I thought it was so you could focus the spoiling," I winked at her.

We got to the office with further repetitions of "One at a time" and "Grandma's on Friday!" and Andy suggesting every other day of the week for him to spend the night at Grandma's. It actually wasn't too bad for the Witching Hour.

Grandma started her goodbyes, with more assurances of Friday's big date.

"I'm so glad you are feeling better," Grandma expressed the feelings of us all.
"Does your knee hurt?" Joey asked unexpectedly.
After a blink, Grandma replied, "Well... yes, it does... but... thank you for asking!"
"I want to make your knee feel better."
"Just you asking makes it feel better," Grandma reassured him.
"Smiles make it feel better, too," I suggested- at which Joey promptly smiled wider at her.

That boy sure loves him some Grandma.

Shameless Plug: Holiday Shopping

Don't forget to visit the Joeymom Shop for your holiday shopping this year! If you want things by Christmas, you can still use "economy shipping" through Dec 10, "standard shipping" through Dec 15, Premium shipping through Dec 20, and overnight it through noon on Dec 22.

I especially recommend my snowflakes design for your winter wardrobe, the popular "Yes! You can ask me about Autism!" design to connect with others who need info, and check out our IEP fun section for IEP attitude ("I'm with attorney"!).

Come on, it's great fun, and it helps pay for speech therapy. Tell your friends.

Christmas wishes

The fact is, it is harder to get information from Joey than it is from Andy. When a child has communication issues, you have to really put in the effort to get what you need. Christmas can be one of those moments when I find myself wondering, What does Joey really want from Santa? How much of what I have is projecting what I think he wants?

With Andy, he makes things pretty plain. What he doesn't directly ask for, you can see him getting excited about things. If everything under the tree was a dinosaur, Zoboomafoo, or a construction set (legos, tools, etc), he'd be ecstatic.

But what about Joey? There isn't a lot of merchandise with Max and Ruby, and the books are a bit disappointing. He has a bike. He has his computer, and is very happy with the games there. He has plenty of the kind of blocks he likes. The fact is, as soon as we detect interest in something, we already do our best to support it. He has books and toys of fish, of firetrucks, of cars. What could he want?

So plan B: ask. Joey, what do you want Santa to bring you? What do you want for Christmas?




"Snow."

I can work with that.

Pneumonia update

The doctor switched us from the very icky white medicine to the less icky pink medicine. She said he should be good to go to school on Monday.

In the meantime, we have him camped out today on the livingroom couch. He was happy to see Andy for a while, but little brothers tend to be bouncy, and Joey needs to recover, so Grandma swooped by and bundled him off. Besides, I think Andy is getting a bit jealous of all the attention Joey has gotten. At Grandma's he can be in his glory.

Pneumonia

This morning Joey woke up- the boys slept in just a few minutes- smiling and saying, "School!" Ellora was chirruping for breakfast. Andy was giggling about being a nekkid butt. All was well with the world.

A little later, bundled up and waiting for the bus, without warning, Joey turned to me and said, "No school. Because I am coughing." My mommy sense twitched, but he wasn't feverish, he was smiling, and he was still looking out the window for the bus. So onto the bus he went with a note to his substitute teacher about my cell number, just in case. After all, he had stayed home sick yesterday.

One should not ignore a mommy sense twitch.

I got Andy off to school, finished up some stuff at the office, and picked him up. We went to lunch. We had ordered it when the call came.

Joey "wasn't breathing quite right." We paid, before the food came, and out the door we went. Poor Andy!

When I got there, it was more than "not breathing right." He had turned blue, and the nurse had measured his O2 saturation at 57! (the ER nurse was a bit skeptical about him being conscious with it that low, but the nurse actually wrote the numbers down for me- 57, 74, 94 in a 20-minute period.) They had him take many deep breaths and got it back to 94. Presented with the options available, she recommended the ER. Off to the ER we went. As I locked him in the car, he started another episode- his fingers were blue- but we got him to breathe like the nurse said and dashed to the ER (which is practically across the street). He was pinking up when we got there, no fever, saturation of 88-91, and coughing. We were put in a triage niche and waited.

Adventure one: bloodwork. We had to take him to the lab and I hugged him in the lab chair while three very patient phlebotomists got they blood they needed from him. He screamed the entire time, but held his arm still. I can't say I blame him. The lab folks always say things like "this will pinch" but I feel the $*#^$(^ needle in my arm the whole time (IV lines and shunts drive me to distraction!). I would say Joey does, too.

Adventure two: x-rays. After waiting outside the x-ray lab with a very patient Andy and Grandma at our side, we got our picture taken. He actually did a lot better than I expected, considering he clearly had no clue what the tech was asking him to do. Unlike last time, this tech was willing to set up the guards and help Joey out by holding up his hands, and keeping him in position, and giving him extra demonstration of how to hold his breath. Consequently we got each pic on the first try, and much faster.

Adventure three: nebulizer. Next we had a breathing treatment. At first Joey was OK with it, but as the few minutes wore on, he got anxious about getting the mask and mist in his eyes (which were bothering him because his temperature was starting to creep up), and it got uncomfortable for him. We had a hard time getting him to calm down and breathe instead of crying, fussing, and barking. However, it seemed to work, he was breathing better.

Adventure four: waiting. We were shown back to the waiting room to await test results. Joey's fever shot through the roof, and he fell asleep on a couple of chairs. By now, poor Andy was ravenous, so we sought out the gift shop for food (the cafeteria wasn't open yet, and we had no change for the vending machines). The child survived the afternoon on potato chips, Cheetos, and gummy worms, with apple juice. Joey took a few swallows of orange juice and a gummy shark before we were finally called back to a larger room in the ER (not just a triage chair).

Adventure five: the good news and the bad news. Dad arrived with his iPod, to the joy, relief, and distraction of the boy. He got to watch movies of himself while waiting for the doctor. The PA came to tell us it was a touch of pneumonia in his right lung, and his bloodwork indicated massive infection. The bad news: Joey was getting an antibiotic shot. The good news: by getting a shot, he could go home, because modern medicine rocks. The nurse who came in to give him the shot was the gruffest person we encountered the entire time. I suspect her demeanor had something to do with the three "code yellows" that came in while we were waiting (since something about "trauma" was mentioned, and there were three Stafford ambulances outside, I suspect there was a car accident with multiple injuries), rather than her personality or professionalism. I think we really struck a chord when Joey started really losing it (he was very upset about having to have a shot in the first place, so the actual moment we had worked ourselves into a bit of a fit) after the shot was over, because he was "broken". She got confused and asked, "what's broken?" and I explained that he's autistic and that is his way of saying he wasn't feeling well. She got the oddest look on her face, kind of like when realization smacks you hard. She fetched him a popsicle.

Adventure six: vital signs. After an antibiotic shot, you sit and make sure there will be no allergic reaction, the nurse comes to take your vital signs, then they do the release stuff. Makes sense. However, Joey was very, very, very done, and to have that blood pressure cuff squeeze his arm again, which is very uncomfortable for him, just put him over the edge. We fortunately had an excellent nurse who took good care of Joey and just kept talking and helping Joey understand he had to stay still and quiet. We finally got the stats they wanted, and I could finally take him home and get some advil in him to get the fever down.

He's tucked into bed now. His fever is down, he's feeling better, he got to watch TV in Mom's bed for a while and has five, count them, five glow sticks to play with. He ate crackers and ice cream for me, and drank some pomegranate soda (it's by 7-Up, and yes, you should try some, it's magnificent- and only around for the holidays, which kind of sucks). I got his meds filled and so we are on the road to recovery. Andy is staying with Grandma, so both boys should be getting some R&R.

Wordless Wednesday: Artful Boys

(and the fate of the Turkey Hat)