Saturday, April 25, 2009

Am I oozing stress yet?

Ever worry about stuff and realize you really shouldn't be worrying about it, because after all, what are you gonna do? Or its taken care of? Or whatever?

I'm still freaking about the class observation. To be honest, with some other events going on at the community college, like having no idea what I am teaching this fall, I'm really suspicious. But what am I going to do? I can't beg for classes, and I can't change my students much. To be honest, I'm a decent teacher, and even my worst FAIL student learns something in my room, if they bother to show up. I know folks with full-time gigs who can't say as much. If they value decent teaching, they'd give me more work, or at least be considerate enough to tell me what work I have. If they are working to sack me, or rip my teaching, or whatever, there isn't much I can do. I'm just an adjunct, anyway. I'll just keep plugging away, making the material fun and relevant, or at least make them remember something cool. Life a professor bouncing all over the room.

IEP is coming up. We'll be doing ESY and next year's plan. I had a frank discussion with Joey's teacher that I would love to share, partly because it was a little vindicating, mostly because it would prove that I have the coolest, most awesome, most on-the-ball case manager in the history o the universe, but I don't think it would be in Joey's best interest to discuss some things on a public blog. Still, I'm worried. The things we had to be so blunt about, and which I cannot make public, are very, very worrying. We have a plan to deal with it. Mrs. H has things totally, totally in hand, and really makes sure Joey has a good plan and a solid IEP. Between now and the meeting, I'll be observing and thinking and researching and asking questions and quizzing therapists. What else can I do?

I have 35 papers left to grade. By undergrads. Finals are coming up. Crunch time.

Oh, did I mention I'm fat? Very, very fat.

And then Joey wanders in, looking around.
"What do you need, Bud?" I ask as he looks all around, then settles his eyes on me.
"I need you."
Then he hopped into my lap. That's my boy.


Sally's World said...

oooh, a perfct example of how one short sentence can make everything okay!!!

Stimey said...

Oh, sweetie. I so completely understand. (Well, except for the teaching politics, but that sounds kind of horrible.) It seems like everything piles up at once. And it's so hard when you work so hard at everything and the people who employ you don't seem to notice. And then with a stressful IEP coming up. Oy. Plus, I know all about body issues. It's really hard sometimes to feel positive about anything if you don't feel good about yourself. It can all be so overwhelming. I totally know what you mean.

Whenever I feel like this and write about it, you always have some wisdom to give me that makes me feel better. You're kind of a rock star to me. All I have to give you are hugs and love. And you have them. (Even if only virtually.)

Niksmom said...

Sending hugs and love. "I need you." Three of the most beautiful words a child could say. :-)