Looks like there has been a jump in measles outbreaks this year- up from the normal one per yea, to seven already. The majority of the cases are in unvaccinated children.
I especially "liked" the part about doctors being frustrated about people questioning vaccination due to info from television shows. If you don't vaccinate your kid because of something you heard on a tv show, please keep your kid away from my kid. Even vaccines aren't 100% effective, and your kid getting a disease vastly increases the chances of my kid- even with vaccinations- getting sick.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Last Day: ESY
Today is my son's last day as a kindergardener. In one week, he will be a first grader.
Wow. I'm the mom of a first-grader.
How did that happen?
I sent him off with his backpack and his snack, in the shirt he picked out himself this morning. He put on all his clothes himself. He got his own water from the fridge this morning, after he was done with his juice.
My baby is getting all growed up!
Wow. I'm the mom of a first-grader.
How did that happen?
I sent him off with his backpack and his snack, in the shirt he picked out himself this morning. He put on all his clothes himself. He got his own water from the fridge this morning, after he was done with his juice.
My baby is getting all growed up!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
When life gets you down...
Just tell it all to Steve.
Or post a comment. I'm happy to listen, too. :)
Or post a comment. I'm happy to listen, too. :)
Monday, August 18, 2008
New Designs
The holiday season will soon be upon us. By special request, especially by my aunt, I have a new series of designs for the shop. I have Family, Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, and Uncle up. If you guys want something else, just let me know and I'll tweak it and get it up for you!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Issues of Food
Joey is getting a little round. There is no getting around it: I suck as a nutritionist. Trying to take control of what Joey eats has been elusive. His love of mac and cheese does not help.
Joey normally eats both breakfast and lunch at school. The teachers use these meals to help Joey with important skills. He must ask for a tray. He must stand in line. He must communicate with the lunch ladies. He must offer his card to pay for his lunch. He must learn to eat different foods. I could go on.
So I looked up the rules about food programs in Virginia, and what is supposed to be served, because to be honest, it all looks like junk food to me: poptarts, chicken nuggets, spaghetti, potatoes, muffins. How many carbs are they supposed to be pushing on my kid?
The school lunch program is required to provide 1/3 of my child’s daily recommended intake of protein, certain vitamins and minerals, and calories. No more of 30% of the calories can be from fat, and no more that 10% of saturated fat.
The school breakfast program is to provide ¼ of these things (INCLUDING PROTEIN… how do muffins provide protein, exactly?), including calories.
All of this is based on the federal dietary guidelines. According to those guidelines (2005), Joey should be eating 1400 calories if sedentary, 1400-1600 calories is “moderately active” and as much as 2000 calories if “active.” So my first question is: how are they defining school children? Are they feeding them as “sedentary” or “active”? Because folks, it only takes 100 extra calories each day to gain 10 pounds in a year. A 600-calorie difference is huge. It is the difference between him being able to eat dinner and not.
To complicate matters, it isn't calculated daily; it is calculated as an average over the course of a week. One day that lunch could be 1000 calories, as long as over the course of the week there is a lunch with, say, 300 calories.
Let's look at a week of food from my child's school. Finding specific nutritional information about these meals has been elusive, so the calorie and carb count you see is my best guess based on nutrition information I found about similar foods available to the general public. The only information I have about the food being served is all it is listed here, so I cannot assume any of the foods are "diet" (ie, sugar-free, fat-free, etc.) unless it specifically lists the food as such on the menu. Also, I noticed they allow Joey to have chocolate milk, and he usually chooses that, so the "milk" is for chocolate milk.
The Menu: (Calories) [Carbs]
Monday:
BREAKFAST
Breakfast Pizza (420) [41.5] {** “School” pizza can be as high as 530 calories!}
Chilled Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (670) [89.5]
LUNCH
Chicken Patty on Bun (380) [44]
Lettuce & Tomato Cup (4) [1]
Steamed Broccoli (30) [6]
Vanilla Cream Cookie (250) [37]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (824) [113]
Daily Total: (1494) [202.5]
Tuesday:
BREAKFAST
Blueberry Pancake (240) [46]
w/Sausage (85) [0] {**Some sausages can be 270 calories per serving!}
Orange Wedges (62) [15] {**Assuming this means fresh oranges}
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (547) [86]
LUNCH
Hot Turkey/Bacon Sub (400) [47] {**This could be as low as 300 calories, as high as 600 calories!}
Seasoned Corn (67) [16]
Fresh Fruit (65) [20] {Bananas are much higher}
Apple Turnover (260) [34]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (952) [142]
Daily Total: (1499) [228]
Wednesday:
BREAKFAST
Ham & Cheese Croissant (280) [29]
Fresh Fruit Cup (65) [16]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (505) [70]
LUNCH
Hot Dog (240) [18] {**many brands are higher, depending on the filler used}
on Bun (110) [20]
Potato Wedges (147) [31]
Chilled Peaches (80) [10]
Sherbet (120) [28]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (857) [132]
Daily Total: (1362) [192]
Thursday:
BREAKFAST
Bacon & Egg (184) [0]
on English Muffin (189) [30]
Chilled Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (623) [78]
LUNCH
Deep Dish Pizza (478) [57] {**Assuming it is cheese only.}
Tossed Salad (15) [2]
Green Beans (7) [1]
Choice of Pudding (130) [21]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (790) [106]
Daily Total: (1413) [184]
Friday:
BREAKFAST
Chicken Biscuit (170) [18]
Apple Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (420) [66]
LUNCH
Grilled Cheese (200) [40]
Smiley Fries (160) [24]
Fruit Jell-O (70) [17]
Choice of Muffin (180) [22]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (770) [128]
Daily Total: (1190) [194]
*********************
As you can see, my guesstimates seem to be OK, as we are consistently getting around 1400 calories per day, and about 170-200 carbs per day. Friday was the only exception; perhaps they are using a more caloric brand of chicken biscuit or cheese sandwich than I used.
Therefore, the school is assuming ALL of their children are 1. male (girls need about 200-400 fewer calories per day) and 2. active, otherwise I would have no room to feed Joey snack or dinner. We are supposed to send in a snack of a juice-box and food item every day. Normal choices would put this snack at about 100-200 calories; I have chosen more in the 30-calorie range, due to the joys of diet drinks and diet jell-o.
But wait. Is my child really active? He gets PE three days per week, and recess every day. So about an hour of his school day, maybe an hour and a half, is active, assuming he is actively participating- which, I noted in my visits, he spend a good deal of his recess time rambling about the perimeters, not running, climbing, swings, or other "active" activities. Many afternoons are taken up with therapies, not running. Let's say Joey is "moderate." He is allowed 1400-1600 calories per day.
So on many days, he may have consumed all the calories he needs before he ever reaches my door; at best, he needs no more than 200 calories at dinner. Yikes.
If I feed him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner- and nothing else- that is 300-350 calories. I could skimp it to about 250 calories. Double yikes. Skinless chicken breast with broccoli? There's 200 calories. If there is no butter on the broccoli. And he gets only one serving. And nothing else.
No wonder we're having a problem.
Hint to folks screaming about obese kids: try feeding them less at school! Just because there are kids who don't get food at home doesn't give you the right to stuff my kid full of sugar and calories. Have a kid on the free lunch program? Then provide their snack, too. And give them the extra calories there. Not at breakfast and lunch. For breakfast and lunch, assume "sedentary." Its also a good idea to assume there will be food awaiting those sedentary kids at home. Assume mom would like to make cookies once in a while. Or serve mashed potatoes with dinner. Or even peas.
So I think we're going to talk to the teachers about packed lunches, where I can control the calorie count. PB&J with carrot sticks and a sugar-free dessert, eaten with his beloved chocolate milk, is only 500 calories. A hard-boiled egg, piece of fruit, and his beloved chocolate milk is only 300 calories. Plus his 30 calorie snack- that's 850 calories. Even at "sedentary" I can feed him a nice 550-calorie dinner (still light!), and be all good!
Joey normally eats both breakfast and lunch at school. The teachers use these meals to help Joey with important skills. He must ask for a tray. He must stand in line. He must communicate with the lunch ladies. He must offer his card to pay for his lunch. He must learn to eat different foods. I could go on.
So I looked up the rules about food programs in Virginia, and what is supposed to be served, because to be honest, it all looks like junk food to me: poptarts, chicken nuggets, spaghetti, potatoes, muffins. How many carbs are they supposed to be pushing on my kid?
The school lunch program is required to provide 1/3 of my child’s daily recommended intake of protein, certain vitamins and minerals, and calories. No more of 30% of the calories can be from fat, and no more that 10% of saturated fat.
The school breakfast program is to provide ¼ of these things (INCLUDING PROTEIN… how do muffins provide protein, exactly?), including calories.
All of this is based on the federal dietary guidelines. According to those guidelines (2005), Joey should be eating 1400 calories if sedentary, 1400-1600 calories is “moderately active” and as much as 2000 calories if “active.” So my first question is: how are they defining school children? Are they feeding them as “sedentary” or “active”? Because folks, it only takes 100 extra calories each day to gain 10 pounds in a year. A 600-calorie difference is huge. It is the difference between him being able to eat dinner and not.
To complicate matters, it isn't calculated daily; it is calculated as an average over the course of a week. One day that lunch could be 1000 calories, as long as over the course of the week there is a lunch with, say, 300 calories.
Let's look at a week of food from my child's school. Finding specific nutritional information about these meals has been elusive, so the calorie and carb count you see is my best guess based on nutrition information I found about similar foods available to the general public. The only information I have about the food being served is all it is listed here, so I cannot assume any of the foods are "diet" (ie, sugar-free, fat-free, etc.) unless it specifically lists the food as such on the menu. Also, I noticed they allow Joey to have chocolate milk, and he usually chooses that, so the "milk" is for chocolate milk.
The Menu: (Calories) [Carbs]
Monday:
BREAKFAST
Breakfast Pizza (420) [41.5] {** “School” pizza can be as high as 530 calories!}
Chilled Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (670) [89.5]
LUNCH
Chicken Patty on Bun (380) [44]
Lettuce & Tomato Cup (4) [1]
Steamed Broccoli (30) [6]
Vanilla Cream Cookie (250) [37]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (824) [113]
Daily Total: (1494) [202.5]
Tuesday:
BREAKFAST
Blueberry Pancake (240) [46]
w/Sausage (85) [0] {**Some sausages can be 270 calories per serving!}
Orange Wedges (62) [15] {**Assuming this means fresh oranges}
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (547) [86]
LUNCH
Hot Turkey/Bacon Sub (400) [47] {**This could be as low as 300 calories, as high as 600 calories!}
Seasoned Corn (67) [16]
Fresh Fruit (65) [20] {Bananas are much higher}
Apple Turnover (260) [34]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (952) [142]
Daily Total: (1499) [228]
Wednesday:
BREAKFAST
Ham & Cheese Croissant (280) [29]
Fresh Fruit Cup (65) [16]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (505) [70]
LUNCH
Hot Dog (240) [18] {**many brands are higher, depending on the filler used}
on Bun (110) [20]
Potato Wedges (147) [31]
Chilled Peaches (80) [10]
Sherbet (120) [28]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (857) [132]
Daily Total: (1362) [192]
Thursday:
BREAKFAST
Bacon & Egg (184) [0]
on English Muffin (189) [30]
Chilled Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (623) [78]
LUNCH
Deep Dish Pizza (478) [57] {**Assuming it is cheese only.}
Tossed Salad (15) [2]
Green Beans (7) [1]
Choice of Pudding (130) [21]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (790) [106]
Daily Total: (1413) [184]
Friday:
BREAKFAST
Chicken Biscuit (170) [18]
Apple Juice (90) [23]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (420) [66]
LUNCH
Grilled Cheese (200) [40]
Smiley Fries (160) [24]
Fruit Jell-O (70) [17]
Choice of Muffin (180) [22]
Milk (160) [25]
Total: (770) [128]
Daily Total: (1190) [194]
*********************
As you can see, my guesstimates seem to be OK, as we are consistently getting around 1400 calories per day, and about 170-200 carbs per day. Friday was the only exception; perhaps they are using a more caloric brand of chicken biscuit or cheese sandwich than I used.
Therefore, the school is assuming ALL of their children are 1. male (girls need about 200-400 fewer calories per day) and 2. active, otherwise I would have no room to feed Joey snack or dinner. We are supposed to send in a snack of a juice-box and food item every day. Normal choices would put this snack at about 100-200 calories; I have chosen more in the 30-calorie range, due to the joys of diet drinks and diet jell-o.
But wait. Is my child really active? He gets PE three days per week, and recess every day. So about an hour of his school day, maybe an hour and a half, is active, assuming he is actively participating- which, I noted in my visits, he spend a good deal of his recess time rambling about the perimeters, not running, climbing, swings, or other "active" activities. Many afternoons are taken up with therapies, not running. Let's say Joey is "moderate." He is allowed 1400-1600 calories per day.
So on many days, he may have consumed all the calories he needs before he ever reaches my door; at best, he needs no more than 200 calories at dinner. Yikes.
If I feed him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner- and nothing else- that is 300-350 calories. I could skimp it to about 250 calories. Double yikes. Skinless chicken breast with broccoli? There's 200 calories. If there is no butter on the broccoli. And he gets only one serving. And nothing else.
No wonder we're having a problem.
Hint to folks screaming about obese kids: try feeding them less at school! Just because there are kids who don't get food at home doesn't give you the right to stuff my kid full of sugar and calories. Have a kid on the free lunch program? Then provide their snack, too. And give them the extra calories there. Not at breakfast and lunch. For breakfast and lunch, assume "sedentary." Its also a good idea to assume there will be food awaiting those sedentary kids at home. Assume mom would like to make cookies once in a while. Or serve mashed potatoes with dinner. Or even peas.
So I think we're going to talk to the teachers about packed lunches, where I can control the calorie count. PB&J with carrot sticks and a sugar-free dessert, eaten with his beloved chocolate milk, is only 500 calories. A hard-boiled egg, piece of fruit, and his beloved chocolate milk is only 300 calories. Plus his 30 calorie snack- that's 850 calories. Even at "sedentary" I can feed him a nice 550-calorie dinner (still light!), and be all good!
The Prompt Meme
I picked this up from, of course, Maddy.
You write the reaction you have to each prompt- don't change it. I think it is cheating to read mine first, so here are the prompts:
1. My ‘ex’ is still…..
2. I am listening to….
3. Maybe I should….
4. I love………..
5. My best friend(s)……….
6. I don’t understand………..
7. I’ve lost my respect for………..
8. I last ate………….
9. The meaning of my display name is……..
11. Someday………….
12. I will always…………..
13. Love seems to be……….
14. I never ever want to lose………….
15. My mobile phone is………..
16. When I woke up this morning……..
17. I get annoyed at/with……….
18. Parties………..
19. My pets………...
20. Kisses………..
And here are my answers:
1. My ‘ex’ is still….chasing bears.
2. I am listening to…Joey giggling. He’s chasing the cats.
3. Maybe I should… save the cat. Or get Andy up.
4. I love……….Allan.
5. My best friend(s)……… is stuck in the house today .
6. I don’t understand……….why Beau doesn’t call.
7. I’ve lost my respect for……….Cheetos. [You wanted my first response…].
8. I last ate…………last night.
9. The meaning of my display name is…. I’m Joey’s mom. It was chosen before Andy was born.
11. Someday…………I’ll mulch the garden.
12. I will always………….be chubby.
13. Love seems to be……….a squishy boy. Any age.
14. I never ever want to lose…………. my keys. [My sanity is long gone.]
15. My mobile phone is……….lost.
16. When I woke up this morning……..I was thinking of buying a present for the daughter for a high-school friend who just recently tracked me down. [She’s probably the only person from my actual high school that I ever really cared to hear from again.]
17. I get annoyed at/with………stupid people in stores.
18. Parties……….are a vague memory.
19. My pets………..are cats. One of them is diabetic like the rest of us.
20. Kisses……….are awfully sweet when they come from a boy (any age) first thing in the morning.
Give it a go. It's fun.
My husband is gonna laugh his butt off when he sees this. He thinks daisies are daffy.
You write the reaction you have to each prompt- don't change it. I think it is cheating to read mine first, so here are the prompts:
1. My ‘ex’ is still…..
2. I am listening to….
3. Maybe I should….
4. I love………..
5. My best friend(s)……….
6. I don’t understand………..
7. I’ve lost my respect for………..
8. I last ate………….
9. The meaning of my display name is……..
11. Someday………….
12. I will always…………..
13. Love seems to be……….
14. I never ever want to lose………….
15. My mobile phone is………..
16. When I woke up this morning……..
17. I get annoyed at/with……….
18. Parties………..
19. My pets………...
20. Kisses………..
And here are my answers:
1. My ‘ex’ is still….chasing bears.
2. I am listening to…Joey giggling. He’s chasing the cats.
3. Maybe I should… save the cat. Or get Andy up.
4. I love……….Allan.
5. My best friend(s)……… is stuck in the house today .
6. I don’t understand……….why Beau doesn’t call.
7. I’ve lost my respect for……….Cheetos. [You wanted my first response…].
8. I last ate…………last night.
9. The meaning of my display name is…. I’m Joey’s mom. It was chosen before Andy was born.
11. Someday…………I’ll mulch the garden.
12. I will always………….be chubby.
13. Love seems to be……….a squishy boy. Any age.
14. I never ever want to lose…………. my keys. [My sanity is long gone.]
15. My mobile phone is……….lost.
16. When I woke up this morning……..I was thinking of buying a present for the daughter for a high-school friend who just recently tracked me down. [She’s probably the only person from my actual high school that I ever really cared to hear from again.]
17. I get annoyed at/with………stupid people in stores.
18. Parties……….are a vague memory.
19. My pets………..are cats. One of them is diabetic like the rest of us.
20. Kisses……….are awfully sweet when they come from a boy (any age) first thing in the morning.
Give it a go. It's fun.
|
|
My husband is gonna laugh his butt off when he sees this. He thinks daisies are daffy.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Out of sorts
What does one do when one child likes to repeat sounds to calm down, and the other needs absolute silence?
My mom is thinking about buying them both headphones. Joey's will be connected to a CD player, so he can play his favorite songs and chatter and sing to his heart's content.
Andy will get noise-canceling phones so he doesn't have to hear any of it.
Yes, the boys are out of sorts. Friday afternoon, I tried to get the boys outside- something that is usually a very popular idea- and we had a drip of rain. They both ran into the house at the first drop. That is really odd. They retreated to the basement. Any time either of them appeared upstairs, I had him bounce on the trampoline for a minute. Trying to get them calm. It worked a little.
Allan kept them moving a good bit today, in the basement, outside. We went to see Dexter, and that was a good time had by all. BUt I think the wild schedule takes its toll. Tomorrow we'll go see the cousins, and so that will be another tiring, unscheduled day. Then he will go to school, but not usual school, because its only a half-day, with no breakfast or lunch there. Joey finds that really odd. Everything is chaos.
Three months of chaos. The result? Out of sorts. It's only natural. At least we have enough structure to pull him through. The summers before, those preschool summers we failed to get ESY for him, he would be a wild ball of stimming by now. I know some folks don't see anything wrong with stimming, but for Joey, it does become problematic if he only stims.
Right now, it is a matter of management. Joey needs to chatter. It is a sort of stim, but not a distracting, drift-away kind, so I don't really want to stifle it (it would kind of be like taking a kid's teddy bear away- perfectly harmless for a kid to hug a teddy bear to calm himself, right?) Andy needs quiet. having them both stressed out in the same car can be... interesting.
How much are those phones, again?
My mom is thinking about buying them both headphones. Joey's will be connected to a CD player, so he can play his favorite songs and chatter and sing to his heart's content.
Andy will get noise-canceling phones so he doesn't have to hear any of it.
Yes, the boys are out of sorts. Friday afternoon, I tried to get the boys outside- something that is usually a very popular idea- and we had a drip of rain. They both ran into the house at the first drop. That is really odd. They retreated to the basement. Any time either of them appeared upstairs, I had him bounce on the trampoline for a minute. Trying to get them calm. It worked a little.
Allan kept them moving a good bit today, in the basement, outside. We went to see Dexter, and that was a good time had by all. BUt I think the wild schedule takes its toll. Tomorrow we'll go see the cousins, and so that will be another tiring, unscheduled day. Then he will go to school, but not usual school, because its only a half-day, with no breakfast or lunch there. Joey finds that really odd. Everything is chaos.
Three months of chaos. The result? Out of sorts. It's only natural. At least we have enough structure to pull him through. The summers before, those preschool summers we failed to get ESY for him, he would be a wild ball of stimming by now. I know some folks don't see anything wrong with stimming, but for Joey, it does become problematic if he only stims.
Right now, it is a matter of management. Joey needs to chatter. It is a sort of stim, but not a distracting, drift-away kind, so I don't really want to stifle it (it would kind of be like taking a kid's teddy bear away- perfectly harmless for a kid to hug a teddy bear to calm himself, right?) Andy needs quiet. having them both stressed out in the same car can be... interesting.
How much are those phones, again?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Disappointment
You know, I was really looking forward to seeing this for my birthday:
But now, it looks like I will be stuck seeing this:
Yes, that is how my week is going. Thanks.
But now, it looks like I will be stuck seeing this:
Yes, that is how my week is going. Thanks.
Life is Good.
Things that make life good here:
"My tummy hungy."
Boys on red bikes at the park.
Morning tickle-fests. In my bed. With both boys. Added bonus if Daddy is home.
"I'm a clue! I'm a clue!"
A cat going by at 100 miles an hour- because you know a giggling boy isn't far behind.
An hour at the Bug Box. Especially if the snake moves.
Red cherry tomatoes that mysteriously disappear, even though tomatoes are currently "yucky."
Wimoweh. We get most of the parts in between the three of us.
Very wet boys coming to give me a hug for taking them to the beach.
Shoes on feet, and I never touched the shoes or the feet.
Answers to questions. Any answer to any question.
"I love you, Mommy." Even when it comes after just doing something naughty.
Yep. Life is good.
"My tummy hungy."
Boys on red bikes at the park.
Morning tickle-fests. In my bed. With both boys. Added bonus if Daddy is home.
"I'm a clue! I'm a clue!"
A cat going by at 100 miles an hour- because you know a giggling boy isn't far behind.
An hour at the Bug Box. Especially if the snake moves.
Red cherry tomatoes that mysteriously disappear, even though tomatoes are currently "yucky."
Wimoweh. We get most of the parts in between the three of us.
Very wet boys coming to give me a hug for taking them to the beach.
Shoes on feet, and I never touched the shoes or the feet.
Answers to questions. Any answer to any question.
"I love you, Mommy." Even when it comes after just doing something naughty.
Yep. Life is good.
Language Matters III: Things I Usually Avoid
There are some things I usually don't talk about here on my blog. I sometimes allude to them, but rarely discuss them, such as specific encounters with idiotic people and negative experiences with other people. I would far rather talk about positives. It sets an example. Teaching by positive model is far more effective around here than saying, "Don't do that!"
The issue of Tropic Thunder has caught my attention because I have had negative experiences. After all, what do I care, it isn't a movie I would have gone to see, even without the offensive language; and offensive language never stopped me from seeing South Park. In reading over the remarks made on my iReport and other surrounding reports on CNN and other news sites, I have caught the pulse of something disturbing. People seem to be ignorant of the use of "retard" towards disabled people.
We have all worked hard here to help and support Joey, and Joey has done a ton of work to be able to function in everyday situations that most people take for granted. We can go to a store. We can eat in a restaurant. Most people don't know he's autistic unless something is said, or something goes really wrong. However, there is no missing that he is unusual. Eccentric. He sometimes comes off looking spoiled, because he gets antsy and needs to move, or doesn't return immediately when I call. He sometimes dashes off and has to be called back. He sometimes needs to be contained in a shopping cart, even at six years old (and big enough to look 8 or 9). He sometimes babbles nonsense. For some reason, people think any of this is any of their business.
Which is fine, we're in public, we're not invisible. It is how the questions are sometimes asked.
"Why is he acting so retarded?"
"Why don't you tell him to sit down and stop acting like a 'tard?"
"That is so retarded! Why is he saying that?"
Excuse me? And it isn't even the question itself; it is the tone of voice when it is asked. They are not asking me if my son is intellectually challenged, and if they can help or get more information about his challenges. It is a judgment against him, against me, said with a broiling distaste and hate that results in just one response from me: we walk away. I don't even dignify such questions with a response.
Yes, this word is directed at people with disabilities. Yes, it has been directed towards us. Yes, it hurts.
I'm not out to ban movies like Tropic Thunder, or Something About Mary, or anything like that. People have a right to make movies. People have a right to ask me these questions. This is a country with free speech, and no-one will go to jail for coming up to me in a Wal-mart and asking, "Why is he acting so retarded?" That's wonderful. I like knowing who the bigots are. I also have the right to write this blog. I have the right to tell those people they are bigots, jerks, and even... well, fill in the colorful metaphor of your choice. That is free speech.
I find it disturbing that people don't realize this term is used to disparage disabled people. It is. We have the right to free speech, but with rights comes responsibility.
Just because you can say something, doesn't mean you should.
Just walk away.
The issue of Tropic Thunder has caught my attention because I have had negative experiences. After all, what do I care, it isn't a movie I would have gone to see, even without the offensive language; and offensive language never stopped me from seeing South Park. In reading over the remarks made on my iReport and other surrounding reports on CNN and other news sites, I have caught the pulse of something disturbing. People seem to be ignorant of the use of "retard" towards disabled people.
We have all worked hard here to help and support Joey, and Joey has done a ton of work to be able to function in everyday situations that most people take for granted. We can go to a store. We can eat in a restaurant. Most people don't know he's autistic unless something is said, or something goes really wrong. However, there is no missing that he is unusual. Eccentric. He sometimes comes off looking spoiled, because he gets antsy and needs to move, or doesn't return immediately when I call. He sometimes dashes off and has to be called back. He sometimes needs to be contained in a shopping cart, even at six years old (and big enough to look 8 or 9). He sometimes babbles nonsense. For some reason, people think any of this is any of their business.
Which is fine, we're in public, we're not invisible. It is how the questions are sometimes asked.
"Why is he acting so retarded?"
"Why don't you tell him to sit down and stop acting like a 'tard?"
"That is so retarded! Why is he saying that?"
Excuse me? And it isn't even the question itself; it is the tone of voice when it is asked. They are not asking me if my son is intellectually challenged, and if they can help or get more information about his challenges. It is a judgment against him, against me, said with a broiling distaste and hate that results in just one response from me: we walk away. I don't even dignify such questions with a response.
Yes, this word is directed at people with disabilities. Yes, it has been directed towards us. Yes, it hurts.
I'm not out to ban movies like Tropic Thunder, or Something About Mary, or anything like that. People have a right to make movies. People have a right to ask me these questions. This is a country with free speech, and no-one will go to jail for coming up to me in a Wal-mart and asking, "Why is he acting so retarded?" That's wonderful. I like knowing who the bigots are. I also have the right to write this blog. I have the right to tell those people they are bigots, jerks, and even... well, fill in the colorful metaphor of your choice. That is free speech.
I find it disturbing that people don't realize this term is used to disparage disabled people. It is. We have the right to free speech, but with rights comes responsibility.
Just because you can say something, doesn't mean you should.
Just walk away.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Language Matters II
As Joey learned to talk, my husband decided to teach him to say "let go, please" when he was done with being hugged. We would catch him, hug him tight, and then just hold on until he said (usually through his giggles), "Let go, please!"
Now he uses this phrase whenever he is done playing with us, and is ready to move on. Andy does, too. And we always let go, even if we aren't really done hugging yet (is one ever done hugging a boy?)
The purpose of this exercise was multi-fold. It provided Joey with words to end a situation and control his environment. It encouraged him to talk and use words. It provided the lesson that words have meaning. Words are tools, and used correctly, have results.
In some ways, self-advocates are just now starting to garner words and expect results. This is partly a "Horton Hears A Who" effect- you need enough people using words at once for people to hear you. And it is partly because improvements in interventions, supports, and communication skills among persons with disabilities- particularly communication disorders- is improving at a rate that many new voices are being added to the chorus.
It is a sad comment on society that people are not protected unless they yell loud enough to be heard. But there it is. We add our voices to the cry: "We are all unique! We are all human! We all have rights!"
That is really what the din over Tropic Thunder is all about. A tip over the top of the volume to, "Being mean is not funny!"
Now he uses this phrase whenever he is done playing with us, and is ready to move on. Andy does, too. And we always let go, even if we aren't really done hugging yet (is one ever done hugging a boy?)
The purpose of this exercise was multi-fold. It provided Joey with words to end a situation and control his environment. It encouraged him to talk and use words. It provided the lesson that words have meaning. Words are tools, and used correctly, have results.
In some ways, self-advocates are just now starting to garner words and expect results. This is partly a "Horton Hears A Who" effect- you need enough people using words at once for people to hear you. And it is partly because improvements in interventions, supports, and communication skills among persons with disabilities- particularly communication disorders- is improving at a rate that many new voices are being added to the chorus.
It is a sad comment on society that people are not protected unless they yell loud enough to be heard. But there it is. We add our voices to the cry: "We are all unique! We are all human! We all have rights!"
That is really what the din over Tropic Thunder is all about. A tip over the top of the volume to, "Being mean is not funny!"
Monday, August 11, 2008
Language Matters
Battles over what is a semantics problem, and what is a real language problem, rattle about the blogosphere all the time. What is a meltdown? Autistic or person with autism? What do our words really say?
One thing I am telling Joey a lot is "words have meaning." It is important to use words carefully, and think before you speak. Words have meaning. Why is that so hard to remember?
One thing I am telling Joey a lot is "words have meaning." It is important to use words carefully, and think before you speak. Words have meaning. Why is that so hard to remember?
Farewells: A New Year Turns
As summer draws to its close and a new school year dawns, it is time for Andy to say goodbye to old friends. First, a goodbye to his first successful preschool teacher, who has also run his summer camp classes, Andy's Mrs. S (not to be confused with Joey's Mrs. S). We brought Andy to her class with some trepidation, as he had a lot of sensory issues and an unsuccessful preschool experience. Fortunately, Mrs. S runs a tight ship, and Andy learned what was expected of him double-quick. She was sensitive enough to his sensory needs that together, they were able to negotiate a successful preschool experience! Andy loves his school, he loves Mrs. S, and we will miss her. At least he will see her around and about next year!
However, we will not be seeing MIss Cindy any more. Sadly, she is moving to Texas. We said goodbye to Miss Cindy on our final visit on Friday. I don't think Andy really understands, but we're going to handle it just like another new teacher, because he will get a new therapist. We don't know who just yet. The difference Miss CIndy has made in our lives is earth-shattering. Without other serious issues to address, sensory integration OT really does work wonders with sensory integration disorder. We have gone from a child we thought would be going into special ed, to an excellent shot of him entering a "regular" kindergarten class (though I'm personally shooting for the inclusion class- I know those teachers ROCK!) Goodbye, Miss Cindy. Thank you. We miss you already.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Mysteries of Life
First, two boxes appeared on my front step, one for Joey and one from Andy, from Alivan's. We have no idea who they are from. Apparently, the person has specifically requested Alivan's to keep their identity secret. So if they are from you, thank you. The boys- and their mom- was surprised and it really made our day!
Then there is the Mystery of the Tomato. We finally have a tomato from our garden- a real one, from a plant we actually planted. I put it on the counter to ripen, and take with us to Grandma's today. We were having a "campout", which was more of a cookout with a tent on the porch. Anyway, I picked it up to pack it, and noticed these odd marks on it...
Hmmm. I wonder where those came from.
Meanwhile, Andy's new favorite phrase is, "I'm hungry!" He's still picky about what goes in his mouth, but at least food is now being eaten. In fact, I think if I let him, he would do nothing but eat. I am trying to take advantage of the new interest in eating to introduce new foods, but unfortunately, I think he would also spend this entire time eating Poptarts.
Then there is the Mystery of the Tomato. We finally have a tomato from our garden- a real one, from a plant we actually planted. I put it on the counter to ripen, and take with us to Grandma's today. We were having a "campout", which was more of a cookout with a tent on the porch. Anyway, I picked it up to pack it, and noticed these odd marks on it... Hmmm. I wonder where those came from.
Meanwhile, Andy's new favorite phrase is, "I'm hungry!" He's still picky about what goes in his mouth, but at least food is now being eaten. In fact, I think if I let him, he would do nothing but eat. I am trying to take advantage of the new interest in eating to introduce new foods, but unfortunately, I think he would also spend this entire time eating Poptarts.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Lessons at the Bug Box
It was Andy's last day of camp, and Joey has no ESY on Fridays, so I took advantage of opportunity knocking and took him for some 1:1 at the Bug Box. I printed out some worksheets from Enchanted Learning to help focus the visit- one on insects, and a book about spiders. We showed up with worksheets, crayons, and four bucks. We were ready for action.
The lady who runs the place took one look at my worksheets, one look at Joey, and said, "no charge." If you're doing homework, you get in free. How cool is that? She was expecting a school group, so we got right to business to squeeze in as much focus as I could before the group showed up, or Joey wore out.
I have a very difficult time getting Joey to focus. Half of that is that Joey has difficulty focusing, because after all, I'm mom, and home isn't school, and all that. Getting him to sit and do an activity in a sea of distraction and home is nearly impossible. However, he took focusing while at the Bug Box right in stride. We used the first sheets as a sort of scavenger hunt, so that he had to read the sheet, look for the bug, then her could write the word. Then we moved to the next bug. That had him wandering around looking for bugs, small objects in a vast visual field- he did very well, all things considered. We did get through the whole little workbook.
Then we sat ourselves in front of real, live tarantulas and talked about spiders. We read the little mini-book, looked at the spiders, talked about the spiders, and then he had to answer questions about the book and the spiders. He had to know what spinnerets were, what an exoskeleton was, and the difference between an arachnid and an insect. That last was a little sketchy for him, but we got it. He answered the questions. He finished the little worksheet.
Holy crap, I got the boy to do two assignments, focus for a whole frickin' hour, and answer questions!!! Where am I, and what has happened to my child??? I am deliriously happy. What a difference a year makes!
The lady who runs the place took one look at my worksheets, one look at Joey, and said, "no charge." If you're doing homework, you get in free. How cool is that? She was expecting a school group, so we got right to business to squeeze in as much focus as I could before the group showed up, or Joey wore out.
I have a very difficult time getting Joey to focus. Half of that is that Joey has difficulty focusing, because after all, I'm mom, and home isn't school, and all that. Getting him to sit and do an activity in a sea of distraction and home is nearly impossible. However, he took focusing while at the Bug Box right in stride. We used the first sheets as a sort of scavenger hunt, so that he had to read the sheet, look for the bug, then her could write the word. Then we moved to the next bug. That had him wandering around looking for bugs, small objects in a vast visual field- he did very well, all things considered. We did get through the whole little workbook.
Then we sat ourselves in front of real, live tarantulas and talked about spiders. We read the little mini-book, looked at the spiders, talked about the spiders, and then he had to answer questions about the book and the spiders. He had to know what spinnerets were, what an exoskeleton was, and the difference between an arachnid and an insect. That last was a little sketchy for him, but we got it. He answered the questions. He finished the little worksheet. Holy crap, I got the boy to do two assignments, focus for a whole frickin' hour, and answer questions!!! Where am I, and what has happened to my child??? I am deliriously happy. What a difference a year makes!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Doors
When moving through life, pushing forward to bigger, better, and more progress, sometimes we see things creep back in- thing we thought were gone and left to the dust. Things we thought were better off in the dust.
One thing that is making a slow comeback here is Joey's door fetish. He loves to open and close doors. As soon as he could open and close doors, he would. He loves my buffet, with the big square doors on either end, opening and closing, opening and closing, opening and closing. We haven't gotten that bad yet, but I can see it creeping in, creeping in. He has been finding doors to open and close. He discovered at door at the OT office. Open, close. Open, close. I caught him messing with the bathroom door. Open, close. Open, close. He was waiting to get in the car and discovered the driver door was unlocked already. Open, close. Open, close.
This is not a good sign.
But also, 'tis the season. The dog days are upon us. Our schedule has been a wild mess of summer activity. Even with the morning school routines, he knows it is different- breakfast is at home, lunch is with Grandma, not at school. His other teachers and classmates aren't there. The days are shorter, there is only four of them a week. It is a breath of routine in a swirl of unpredictability. The days are hot, which exacerbates everything- Joey hates being hot. The streams are starting to cross. Joey is hot, tired, and confused. He's stressing out.
We managed to get through Shoe Day without a meltdown. The lady at the shoe store was ready, braced for the usual. She handled it very well, talking him through putting the new shoes back in the box, letting him do it himself, so that the shoes "would be all clean and white for your new teachers and new friends!" Really, she did it very well. I think she did some research in preparation for us this year.
But now we have the doors. He is starting to throw toys when frustrated with them again. He is back on Blue's Clues and Little Bear.
Tomorrow, I am taking him tot eh Bug Box, just the two of us, while Andy is at camp. I'll see if I can get him to focus on the lizards, snakes, and bugs, maybe the frogs and turtles. Maybe get him to relax a bit in a place he finds positive and fun. Maybe I'll get some extra hugs and kisses in while I'm at it.
Three more weeks until school.
One thing that is making a slow comeback here is Joey's door fetish. He loves to open and close doors. As soon as he could open and close doors, he would. He loves my buffet, with the big square doors on either end, opening and closing, opening and closing, opening and closing. We haven't gotten that bad yet, but I can see it creeping in, creeping in. He has been finding doors to open and close. He discovered at door at the OT office. Open, close. Open, close. I caught him messing with the bathroom door. Open, close. Open, close. He was waiting to get in the car and discovered the driver door was unlocked already. Open, close. Open, close.
This is not a good sign.
But also, 'tis the season. The dog days are upon us. Our schedule has been a wild mess of summer activity. Even with the morning school routines, he knows it is different- breakfast is at home, lunch is with Grandma, not at school. His other teachers and classmates aren't there. The days are shorter, there is only four of them a week. It is a breath of routine in a swirl of unpredictability. The days are hot, which exacerbates everything- Joey hates being hot. The streams are starting to cross. Joey is hot, tired, and confused. He's stressing out.
We managed to get through Shoe Day without a meltdown. The lady at the shoe store was ready, braced for the usual. She handled it very well, talking him through putting the new shoes back in the box, letting him do it himself, so that the shoes "would be all clean and white for your new teachers and new friends!" Really, she did it very well. I think she did some research in preparation for us this year.
But now we have the doors. He is starting to throw toys when frustrated with them again. He is back on Blue's Clues and Little Bear.
Tomorrow, I am taking him tot eh Bug Box, just the two of us, while Andy is at camp. I'll see if I can get him to focus on the lizards, snakes, and bugs, maybe the frogs and turtles. Maybe get him to relax a bit in a place he finds positive and fun. Maybe I'll get some extra hugs and kisses in while I'm at it.
Three more weeks until school.
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