Saturday Retrospective: Once Upon a Time

For those of you who haven't figured it out, these are pictures of my grandparents.

When it rains, it pours

OK, friend #2, looks like we might be entering the world of special ed and possibly ASD... any of you folk from Massachusetts?

Dark Corners

Ever have a situation you really, really wanted to blog about, but decided not to, because you were afraid that any information you needed to get anything useful from it would endanger the privacy of someone else? I have one of those going on in the background. I have a friend who is having a lot of problems supporting and helping her little one. I love them both dearly, and have been thinking hard of anything that might help, and I'm running out of ideas fast. Normally, I would now take such a problem to you, my very creative, supportive, and intelligent readers, but this isn't my child, and the situation is very delicate.

So instead, unless I get some cue of a green light to put this out there, please just pray hard for my friends. God will know who you mean. Thanks.

Driving in my car

(anything in italics below should be imagined spoken in stero)

"I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one..."
"We're trying to get the school to do a sensory profile for the IEP."
"Oh? What's that?"
"I...gaaaaaaa...crAAAAAkrs..."
"NNNOOOOOOOOOO JOE-WY!!!"
"We answer a bunch of questions about how Joey responds to stuff, and the OT determines if there's a problem."
"I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one!"
"I didn't think the school OT did sensory stuff. Something about it not being academically necessary?"
"I want to go POOOOOOOOOOOTTY!"
"Ujuswenpottie!"
"I want to go POOOOOOOOOOOTTY!"
"Ujuswenpottie!"
"Apparently they sent her to a workshop or something, and someone told them we ought to be doing this. I think his teacher figured out we were supposed to be doing this. Julie's very keen to have all her kids have one."
"Well, that's good."
"I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one ineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaoneineedthaone!"
"Yeah, we've been really really happy with Julie and the whole teaching crew this year. He's coming right along."
"I want to go POOOOOOOOOOOTTY!"
"Ujuswenpottie!"
"I want to go POOOOOOOOOOOTTY!"
"Ujuswenpottie!"
"I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one I need that one !"
"Except today."
"At least they're in harmony."

Ooo!!! Memememememe!!! (Five Things)

Wow, abfh tagged me for a meme! Woo-hoo!!! It's the Five Things Meme. List five things!

5 things found in your bag:

I do not carry a purse or bag. How boring is that? In the wallet I clip to my belt loop, I have pictures of the boys, addresses of folks from Wee Time and folks who want specific info about autism services here, my bank card, my credit card, and my driver's liscense, And a few other cards.

5 favorite things in your room:

I have the paintings by my grandmother, my favorite photos of my boys, my favorite chair, my printer's drawer (with knick-knacks- like my great-grandmother's miniature plates and sewing kit), and my balsam-stuffed bear. One good hug, and the world smells wonderful.

5 things you have always wanted to do:

I'd like to see Egypt and any number of museums and sites all over the world (I'm an art historian after all), lose weight and keep it off, learn to make pottery, clean my house (no, really), hug my brother.

5 things you are currently into:

Blogging (including I Can Haz Cheezburger?), squishing boys while planning the summer, The Lord of the Rings, getting my garden to rights, genealogy.

5 people you’d like to tag:

Hmmmm... I'd like to tag Maddy at Whitterer on Autism, Niksmom at Maternal Instincts, Stimey at Stimeyland, Evan at Kiribako (and yes, I expect you to this), and Ghkcole at Rooster Calls.

Wordless Wednesday: Ms. Frizzles at the Art Show

Mixed bag

What a day. We started by running up to Lorton and picking up a pair paintings done by my grandmother- absolutely fabulous ones, the paintings look good, though reframed. Andy was a charming little angel at the gallery. Kept his hands to himself, asked cute questions, and spread that grin around generously. What a sugar-pie!

Joey had a great day at school. His afternoon teacher, Mrs. S, even came out when I picked up to tell me how great he did, paying attention and listening, and being able to answer questions about what was read. Another charming gentleman.

So of course they turned into wild freaks for the afternoon.

Actually, I am partly to blame, not keeping good techniques for motivation in mind, being tired myself, and over-scheduling. Joey had speech therapy, and then we had the art show at Andy's school. The boys like nothing better than to run wild while I am trying to talk to Ms. Nikki, and today was no exception. However, "sit down!" is not really a great way to get compliance. I think waiting to give out prizes until AFTER the discussion may be better, or having the prize box handy, until I can get them to calm down themselves. (It's not bribery. It's positive reinforcement.)

Andy did some lovely pieces for the show. The show is a fundraiser for the school, so you pay $15 to get the two pieces your kid made, but they do it up right. He made a bear sculpture, and a sand painting of a spider for the 2-D. They added a little picture of him posing as a French artiste, complete with tam and palette, to the corner of the painting- very cute. Tey also had a silent auction for some photos and scrapbooks of the kids, I put in a bid on a photo of the class that was cute. We'll see- the folks at this school are for the better part that "in-crowd" of wealthy folk, its a popular school and a good one. I'm sure shelling out $50 for a pic of the kid is nothing to a good many of these people. So we'll just see.

Anyhoo, there was a bit of chaos as people crammed in to the classroom to find their kids' work, and it got overwhelming fast. Then we had the grand idea to take them out to pizza for dinner, after they were overwhelmed and wound up. They did OK under the circumstances, though the waitress was clearly eager for us to eat and leave.

I was glad to get my Ms. Frizzles to bed where they can take a breath and get some rest.

Results of the day:

Blogging Against Disablism

Yes, folks, here it comes! May 1 is Blogging Against Disablism Day. I hope to have lots of nice shiny new posts to link to and refer parents to when they have questions, problems, and as we all learn together to be accepting of our children, and of others generally. Diversity is a wonderful thing. Come plant a flower in the garden, and we'll all grow together.

Assessment-By-Phone?

You might recall from last year that we are having a bit of a problem with the school OT understanding the whole area of sensory integration dysfunction. This year, the school has invested in sensory profile kits or something of the sort, so his teacher suggested we have one done for Joey by us, by both his teachers, and hopefully by our private OT. However, this all has to be done under the auspices of the school OT. It's her province, after all. Her turf. Her kingdom. Lack of training or experience be damned.

So we get it all set up, except the OT needs to be tracked down to sign the paperwork. So of course, instead of just sending the profile home, she has decided she needs to "discuss" it over the phone. At least, that was what the first message said- she wanted to discuss the profiles, and it would take about 15 minutes.

That sounds OK. A profile is an evaluation, and I can understand requirements to explain to parents what the evaluation is and is intended to discover, even if said parent has been through the evaluation process before. I know what a sensory profile is and what it is for, but there are procedures to be followed. Fine.

Communication issues have scuttled the attempts to make phone contact, but I am really, really worried about the phone message today. According to the message, this phone interview will now take 20 minutes, and will consist of yes/no questions. Am I going nuts, or does that sound to anybody else like this lady is going to try to do this over the phone?

I was concerned enough to email her about my confusion, which was probably a mistake, but I don't want to do this over the phone. I want the questionnaire in hand, so my husband and I can properly discuss the questions and provide the most accurate information we have about Joey's reactions and behaviors, and try to get an honest assessment of his sensory needs. I'm not talking about agonizing over every little detail, but certainly a "yes/no" over the phone doesn't seem accurate or appropriate. Or am I just getting the dander up? Perhaps she has other yes/no questions to ask? Besides, the other profiles I did were gradients, not yes/no. Did anybody do one that was yes/no?

Chatty Cathy

So the boys have now gotten into The Magic School Bus. This is good, because Joey was having trouble with science, and this show gives him great visuals to understanding some of the basic concepts.

It was rainy today (hence all the new posts and designs), and the boys were feeling off-kilter, so we watched a lot of Magic School Bus, as well as Oobi, Pixar movies, and various episodes of Little Bear. In other words, we watched way too much TV. But in all that, Joey was talking non-stop all day. Yes, you read that correctly. Non-stop words.

Is it raining? It's raining, Daddy. I think it is raining. Wet. Rain is wet. It is raining. Oobi! I like Oobi. Are you Oobi? I am Oobi. Vroom! I am a car. I am a fast car. I am a red car. I am go this way. I am go potty. I want to go park. Spell park? Spell Park, Daddy? P=A=R=K, park. I like to play in the park. Kitty! Chase the Kitty! Don't chase the kitty, Andy.

At the end of the day, he decided he was Ms. Frizzle. Then Andy decided he wanted to be Ms. Frizzle. So I had two Ms. Frizzles. Of course, Allan and I had to be Liz, partly to show Andy they could both be Ms. Frizzle at the same time, no problem. Joey had me put an M on his chest (for "Ms. Frizzle") and Andy wisely wanted an F (for "Frizzle"), and they zoomed about the room driving the Magic School Bus and being Ms. Frizzle, complete with Joey giving us all her standard lines ("Do your stuff, Bus!" "As I always say..." "To the Bus!" "Fasten your seatbelts, everyone!")

We sent Ms. Frizzles up for bathtime. They are still insisting on being called "Ms. Frizzle." Should make for an interesting story time- the book tonight is The Magic School Bus Plants Seeds.

New Design again

Giggle Break

moar funny pictures


see more crazy cat pics

New Design

Well, SOMEBODY has to make a few bucks off of bumper stickers. Might as well be me, right?

Why JoeyAndyDad ROCKS.

1. He does laundry.
2. He does dishes.
3. When the computer isn't working, i can hand it to him, and it becomes magically fixed, usually in under ten minutes.
4. He loves to play with the boys.
5. I can leave him with the boys and go grocery shopping without a second thought.
6. If I give him a list to go to the grocery store for me, he almost always returns with everything that was on the list. And when he doesn't, its because the store didn't have it.
7. If I send him to the grocery store with a list, he almost always also picks up the thing I forgot to put on the list.
8. He likes to give the boys a bath.
9. He works his butt off to be good at his job so he can get a really big raise and keep the roof over our heads- while I can stay home and work bit part-time gigs and get everybody to therapy.
10. He's an excellent kisser. And foot masseuse.

I love my Allan. He totally rocks.

No. Not going here.

So last night, Joey discovered that you can use poo to write words on the toilet seat.

Allan kept his cool, explained that this was unacceptable behavior, had him clean it up, and continued with bedtime routine.

Unfortunately, this all occurred in front of Andy. So when Andy was at school, and had a nice little BM (which is unusual at school), he decided to try out Joey's little trick.

No. no. no. We are not going here.

Campaigns

We are embarking on several new campaigns here. Well, we are planning on embarking. Maybe we'll actually get started. Eventually.

The problem is: when to begin? As we know, major changes to routine upset a child, especially one with autism, and can make any campaign an instant and unmitigated failure. We have some big disruptions on the horizon.

The big campaign for Joey is "staying in bed." This will involve returning him to his own bed at night instead of letting him curl up with us. With summer coming, it will be more comfortable for everyone; and besides, the child is now six years old. Time to stay in your own bed. I am making several adjustments to Joey's room in anticipation of the campaign- but then, those changes are, in and of themselves, disruptions. I am getting fans ready for circulation, rearranging furniture to maximize space and ease of use, setting up the computer so he can play his games up there, and re-adjusting the comfy corner to be more comfy.

For Andy, we are considering a new "sit and eat" campaign, trying to get him to stay at his chair during mealtimes- but more importantly, at the table with everyone else. I am prepping the kitchen table for his return to the family circle. Again, changes that are disruptions all by themselves.

But the real disruption upon the horizon? The coming absence of the husband. Folks, please congratulate JoeyAndyDad on his promotion!!! Woo-hoo!!! He has worked really hard and done a spectacular job. He got a fabulous raise, and now he's moving up the career path to the next position! This being awesomely cool, and wonderful, and all, it also includes two weeks' training in Virginia Beach. We get to spend the weekend there with him, but during the week, I am going to be winging it all by my lonesome. The boys are sure to notice that mom, and not dad, is bathing them and putting them to bed every night for two weeks.

So is this really the time to begin campaigns of such a major nature? I have already voted a nix on the Joey campaign. It can wait a few weeks at this point. Besides... I need my cuddlebug to get me through two weeks without the love of my life by my side.

Joe Snow

My friend MonkeyGirl is supporting the Joe Snow Memorial Bass Tournament. Joe Snow was a paramedic who gave his life trying to save two young boys. The money raised goes to support Mr. Snow's sons.

I never knew Joe Snow. But I have met some wonderful people here who came to my home and saved my Joey. And I read MonkeyGirl and Ambulance Driver and on occasion a few other EMS- connected blogs, because they are interesting people who save lives for a living. How about that- they save lives for a living. As MonkeyGirl says- it's just what they do.

So folks, we all have families and challenges and know small things can be done in great ways. Here's one way to just let these folks know how much you appreciate them: head over to MonkeyGirl's blog and give to the Joe Snow Memorial Bass Tournament. Give two young men a big hug. And hug your own little guys and gals tight.

From Andy's Point of View

To give Andy something to do during Joey's birthday- mostly to distract him from the fact that he was not the center of all attention- Grandma gave him a couple of toss-away cameras to take pictures. He had a lot of fun with them. Here's some of the pictures- the world from Andy's point of view!

Drumming

Joey has been taking drumming lessons for a good long while now. They are supposed to be good for his bilateral coordination, and he was enchanted with drums and music when we started. Lately, we have been seriously considering discontinuing them.

First, the rules kinda got changed on us. The guy who was running the lessons and I had a kind of unspoken agreed understanding about how this was working with us- we paid week-to-week, instead of by the month, and we had some flexibility where if Joey was sick or having a particularly bad day, we could cancel without having to pay for the missed lesson (technically, we are supposed to pay and then have a "make up" lesson, but when would Joey be able to "make up" a lesson?) Now that guy is sick, and the fellow in his place wants us to pay for the whole month, and the lesson we missed when Joey was sick (even though the teacher has a very sick father and so asked us to please cancel if Joey is sick). I paid up, but it really makes these lessons expensive, and the new lack of flexibility means I really need to give it some thought about continuing.

On top of that, and far more relevant, Joey has been doing the "I don't wanna" dance. "I don't want go Mr. Shelby. No Mr. Shelby today." Joey has been increasingly sensitive to noise, so that we started using earplugs for the lessons- and that helped for a while, but now not so much. Today the drum was "scary". This is exactly the kind of shift in sensory trouble and attitude that I was worried about- why we had that week-to-week idea in the first place. He seems to perk up about halfway through the lesson. But is that enough? If this isn't fun, what's the point?

I'd wait it out until our other guy is back, but we're not sure when that will be, and time is short- I have to give two weeks' notice, and before I pay for another whole month of lessons Joey may not want- and that would be now. :P On the other hand, is Joey really not interested now, or is there something else going on? Has being sick knocked him for a bigger loop than anticipated, and he just wants to stay home for an afternoon, and Mondays are particularly tiring? Should I just try to juggle the appointments and find a different lesson day? It's not like I can just ask Joey and expect a direct answer to decide the matter.

Bouncing Around My Head

I collect quotes. When I was a child racing about trying to figure out who I was, I had a way of connecting meaning to quotes, attaching ideas and emotions to them, weaving them into webs of understanding. Snippets of things would bounce about my head making connections, and those connections would knit into the fabric of thinking. I think Joey does this, which is why echoing is so much easier for him than coming up with his own words. It's a shorthand for what would take him a ton of energy to create himself with his own words. He has other things to do and to think about, and I really do think language is tiring for him. Anyway, things bounce about and make the warp and weft of memory and being. What to do with them?

So here's what's been bouncing about my head lately. It becomes something of an odd mantra of meanings and connections, and flavors the way I think about other things.



Do you know who I am?
Do I know who you are?
See we one another clearly?
Do we know who we are?


“Like I always say, keep an open mind, and you never know who might walk in!”


Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
What would it mean to say
That I loved you in my fashion?


So you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?


Well maybe I'm too close to see you clearly
Or is it now my role to simply believe?
You're just one of those mysteries
That may never be solved in time
But you do
You do
You shine.



No, I have no idea what it all means. I just know the webs of meaning that I am tatting in my brain.

Snark

As the semester draws to a close, I stand at the brink of that horrific time of the year when students begin to realize they are about the face the grade music for the work they didn't do. I get an amazing array of excuses, pleas, and prayers about this problem every year. Sometimes people get creative, but then, usually if they have the wherewithall to get creative, they've done the work in the first place. And this isn't just a "those damn kids" issue. I teach at community colleges- I have all ages and stages in there.

As a note, many of my students have their grades- often on a weekly basis- throughout the semester. My syllabus includes the formula I use to calculate their final grade, and it is extremely simple- each test is worth 25%, participation in class is 25%, and then either a paper or a set of weekly quizzes is 25% (I stopped doing it with appropriate weights and things because too many students complained they couldn't work the equation.) So at any moment, they can calculate "how they are doing."

Just in case some poor student of mine stumbles across this blog after googling me, sees some excuse they gave, and starts getting all "she's doggin' me!" about it, please note that the semester does not actually end for another three weeks. This entry is anticipatory, based on past experience. If you use one of these excuses, I can only assure you that I do not possess a time machine, and so cannot go back in time to rag you about your given excuse or plea before you provide said excuse or plea. And at this point, you have not emailed me about why you absolutely must get that "C" or "B" or "A".

So here is my totally snarky responses to common excuses and pleas that appear on my voice mail and in my email boxes after the semester is already closed. I have no intention of actually responding to any students with these retorts. They just tend to bounce around and cause me a lot of sleepless nights after the semester closes.

Remember to read the excuses with a properly comedic whiny tone, or it loses its effect.

I need a grade of X to get off of academic probation, or they'll kick me out of school! If school is so important to you, why didn't you bother to complete your work and study for your exams? (Now, after your final exam is turned in, ain't the time to make an appointment for tutoring, sweetie.)

But I get A's in all the rest of my classes! Obviously not in math. Or are you suggesting your other professors do not expect you to complete your reading and assignments, complete them with at least 60% of the answers correct, and complete them on time?

I got sick/pregnant/in an accident/lost a relative during the last two weeks of the semester, cut me a break! Where were you the rest of the semester? {Folks who have real problems during the last two weeks can apply for an "incomplete" IF they were not already failing the class}

I couldn't get time from work/my work schedule got too hectic! Welcome to the real world. You're taking a class. You have to complete the coursework to get credit for it. Were you too busy to drop me an email when your schedule got posted?

And of course, with online classes, there is the ever-popular: I lost my innernets! Go to the library.


Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

When Mom Forgets

I took the boys on a drive, out to Wakefield, one of our regular haunts. After being assured that there were no turkeys loose today, we were handed these new little booklets for kids to fill out, and they can earn a badge. Very nice little books, too. The first few pages are geared to the 5-8 crowd. Joey just turned 6, and loves to read. Fabulous.

So we wandered out, sauntering in our usual way, then we got up to the house site where the benches are, and I called Joey over to look at the new book.

Did I mention that sometimes I forget that Joey is disabled?

To me, Joey is just... Joey. And he's a smart kid on top of it. Reads like a dream. Interested in the world, in his way. He likes living things and taking walks and that kind of thing. And he's a cutie-pie, with very kissable cheeks and a big grin. That's my boy.

But there are some things Joey simply cannot do. One is to wander out to a place he doesn't see very often, stop at a point where he doesn't usually stop, and focus joint attention upon a book. On top of that, he was being asked questions about the book, which was giving him new information, and being asked to write the answers down.

Oh dear. No no no. This will not do. That child would have rather pulled out his own fingernails than sit with me and look at that book, or read a word from the page, and let me know in no uncertain terms.

Good side: he's communicating. And he remembered that George Washington was president.
Bad side: Well, after the meltdown over stopping at the benches, and the second meltdown over the book, we had a meltdown at the car because the sheep weren't out.

But basically, it was because Mom is an idiot.

First glimpses

I got Joey a camera for his birthday. Here are a few of our first glimpses into Joey's world:






He took 54 pictures today. Stay tuned!

Happy Birthday Joey!

When I was one,
I just begun.



When I was two,
I was nearly new.



When I was three,
I was hardly me.



When I was four,
I was not much more.



When I was five,
I was just alive.



But now I'm six,
I'm as clever as clever.



So I think I will be six now,
forever and ever!

-A.A.Milne

Nothin' says lovin'

Like baking 50 cupcakes in the dead of night for a boy's birthday in the morning.

Actually, blueberry muffins, which will then be frosted with vanilla frosting dyed blue, then set with blue sprinkles.

Happy Birthday, Joey. I love you.

Sick day

The boys are home. Joey was complaining of tummy trouble yesterday, so I went and got him from school. That came with a nasty fever that broke early this morning. Now I just have two sniffle-heads. OK, we really have all four of us sniffling, but I'm the mom, and poor Allan had to go to work. :P

So I have two sniffleheads. They feel OK enough to want to play, but they get tired out easy and that makes them grumpy. So instead of getting them up and down the stairs, I have left them in their pajamas, and brought breakfast upstairs.

Now, I am not a gadget woman, nor a big TV viewer. My husband, however, is all over it. When he got his nice, big bonus this year (because he is an awesome worker and got awesome reviews), we got ourselves our anniversary present: an Apple TV. I was unsure how this gadget would be any better than the other gadgets we have, but it made him happy, and that was the important thing. But now, I would just like to say, thank you, JoeyAndyDad, for our AppleTV. We have spent a deliciously restful morning in the bedroom, tucked into Mommy and Daddy's bed, watching Oobi on the fancy TV. The boys are getting much-needed rest, we've only had one whining spell, and everybody is happy. We are sipping our juice boxes, no one has waxed, and we have smiling faces, despite still having fevers and sniffles.

Now I just need to find a couple pairs of google-eyes for two boys who want to play Oobi...

Discipline and Getting Older

Andy is a little under the weather. You'd never guess this from watching him rollick on the floor with his brother just now, causing Joey to erupt in cackles and giggles. But two hours ago, Andy was zonked out on the couch.

So there is my three year old, curled up on the sofa with Blankie and Mr. Guinea Pig when Joey decides the funny thing to do is to imitate the dryer sound (a loud, long buzz) at top volume. As intended, this noise woke Andy. But then he started to scream and cry- the poor kid couldn't believe anyone would mess with him when he was feeling so bad.

So, amidst the wails, Joey laughs. I order him to his room for a timeout- both to punish him and more importantly, restore some quiet to the room. I get "No, I don't think so."

This was not Joey's first trip to his room this afternoon. On our first trip, we talked about apologizing and what it meant. I modeled that when you apologize you mean that you're sorry, that you wish you hadn't done or said whatever you'd done or said, and that you'll try not to do it again.

So we went up for the second time and Joey was already scripting the usual "I'm sorry". Why? "Because Daddy's mad." Right. The previous lesson clearly had not sunk in. The time out rules this time were pretty strict- stay in your room, no toys, and most importantly, be quiet.

He was never really going to follow the third instruction, but I did want him to stop screeching at the top of his lungs, since we were right above where Andy was attempting to sleep. I went downstairs, and after about fifteen minutes of sniffling and wailing from above, returned to see what he'd learned.

After he calmed down, Joey said, "I'm sorry for Andy. I won't make dryer noise anymore." Wow. We walked through what happened again, focusing first on how Joey's noise made Andy feel, and then about how Joey was upset because he got punished and also that Andy was sad.

Andy's still at the age where he thinks simply saying he's sorry makes it all better. It seems like Joey is outgrowing that stage, and part of it is that he understands others' feelings more completely.

Bake Sale

Several of my friends, both live and online, have been having issues with getting much-needed equipment to help their kids. Communication devices seem to be particularly difficult to lay hands on. Just as people tend to assume that kids who cannot speak (or worse, cannot speak properly) are stupid, they assume all communication devices are alike, and just grab whatever and go. Can't you just pick a button and push it?

It is enough to tear one's hair out.

It's worse when the person showing this ignorance is your insurance company liaison. Why? Because they will block the money you need to get the right device your kid needs, and get it ASAP so the poor child can start proving they aren't an idiot communicating.

I have placed the suggestion several places that we should have a bake sale and buy these things ourselves. We know where to get them. we know how much they are. We're just broke. Don't know how that happened, with school and therapy and other equipment and whatnot. I fear some folks thought I was/am being facetious.

I am not.

We should get together and have a big, world-wide bake sale. We should advertise it. We should all news outlets and tell them what we are doing and why we are doing it. And we should then publish a big cookbook to continue the project and keep some cash rolling in.

This government thinks little of funding wars, bailing out companies, "fixing" messes others have made with money, but heaven forbid we be trying to make our kids independent, support our kids in their needs and goals. Many of these friends would love to even have a clue what those self-goals are, but the kid can't communicate- because they need the %^#@ device the insurance person says is "not necessary" or not from the vendor they like.

Having me sit here and cuss isn't getting those devices to those people. A bake sale might.

Who's in?

Ah, Awareness Month FAQ

Whenever there's a bit of a news blitz about autism, we get snowed in with the question, "What causes autism?" Desperate parents with new diagnoses. Family members who are curious. Friends who haven't moved beyond that. Other parents who like to toss around old questions. They all want to know: what caused Joey's autism? (Sometimes I think they are really asking, "Did you cause Joey's autism?", but perhaps that is for another blog post...)

We have no idea why Joey is autistic.

Vaccines did not cause Joey's autism. He was autistic before he was ever vaccinated. He was autistic from birth. None of his vaccinations contained thimerasol (did I really have to just type that again?) He did not show any adverse reaction to the MMR vaccine.

We have no family history of autism or anything that would now be diagnosed as autism or asperger's syndrome, so far as we know or understand. We do have family history of what is now called sensory integration dysfunction.

We did not have a "normal pregnancy." I went gestational diabetic with both pregnancies. I only had insulin with Andy, not Joey. Joey did briefly go into "distress" and was born by emergency c-section. Both babies has jaundice (Andy's was far worse than Joey's). I also lost 40 pounds over the course of each pregnancy (never fear, I found them all again).

Joey's head grew normally.

Joey does not have any signs, nor has tested positive for, PST deficiency.

Joey has testing negative for any heavy metal poisoning.

Joey has tested negative for food allergies and respiratory allergies. He does have some kind of contact allergy, most probably to floor or carpet cleaner and related products.

Joey was not sick a day until he was two years old. He then had a mild stomach bug, for which no medicine was required. He did not have so much as sniffle before then. The only medication he received before he went to school- including aspirin, ibuprophen, tylenol, antibiotics, cold meds, etc.- were any drops placed in his eyes at the hospital, numbing gel for his teething, and neosporin for minor cuts. He was autistic before receiving any of these medications. He did not have ear infections until he started school. We did have two days of a yeast issue in breastfeeding, but no yeast infections on his part (just on my part).

Joey shows no sign of seizures.

I have never smoked, nor does anyone living in my home. I did not drink during my pregnancies.


So I have no idea why my son is autistic. He is. I'm sure there are plenty of other theories popping around. Ultimately, God made him this way. God made me to help him learn to cope, survive, thrive, flourish, and enjoy life. Then He made Andy. He did not make Andy autistic. He made me to help Andy learn to cope, survive, thrive, flourish, and enjoy life. And we are having the time of our lives.

Sunshine and Roses

I've been getting a lot of emails and calls lately to the effect of "I'm reading your blog, and you have got it so good!!! Everything is going so perfect for you! Your boys are so smiley all the time, I am so jealous! No tantrums, no problems, everything there is just sunshine and roses! So get off your butt and go do some work or something! Quit complaining like a brat when I call/email/see you!"

So, for those avid readers who have noticed that my blog emphasizes the good times and achievements of my wonderful, beautiful, smiling boys, I would just like to say: you are absolutely correct. We have come a long way, and we continue to make strides. I am very proud of the work both of my little guys do- they are two of hardest working little guys I have ever known. We have gone from a non-verbal child to a child who can have a basic conversation about his day and his life and his needs and wants. Just in this blog alone, we have gone from utter shock at a sentence to cheering on a whole presentation complete with question-and-answer session. We have gone from screaming frustration all day long to the whine and occasional meltdown. Joey is growing up, learning to regulate himself, learning to communicate. The frustration is ebbing. On the other front, we have gone from "normal" to sensory dysfunctional, and are now well on our way back to fully functioning in regular environments. We are through a food strike, back into normal "picky eating." We have stood at the brink of a real problem with speech and behavior, and found a path away (called "therapy and school"). Andy is also growing up, and the energy is getting some real guidance.

So is my life all sunshine and roses? Well, in some ways, yes it is. Two beautiful boys, lots of hugs and kisses, sunshine in the back yard and food in the fridge actually being consumed.

And in some ways, it's not. We still have our finger-biting and smack-on-the-chin problem, for example... and Andy imitating it. And the latest crazes in my house? Loud choruses of "Weave me AWONE!" racing through the house, especially if I have just asked a child to perform a non-preferred task or stop a dangerous activity. The word "No" bounces around here a lot, too. Sound like normal pressing of limits? Come around sometime. You're not getting the full effect. Joey tends to flail more than he used to, incorporating the behavior of some of his classmates. Trying t share new experiences with Joey is always a challenge- to pull his interest to something new, to focus on something new, to explain it when he has neither the ability to focus, nor the language control to make what you are saying relevant to him, can be very frustrating. Getting that joint attention, crucial to being able to teach and learn, is a real challenge- and all the more so because you forget he has trouble with it. He's not off in his own little world, he has pretty good eye contact (not great... but passable and reasonable), he certainly expresses interest in videos and in things around him, just never in a way you expect. For example, he likes tractors and animals, so we took him to the Oxon Hill farm. In the museum part is a display about butter. Talking to Andy about how milk comes from a cow and is churned to make butter- in most elementary terms- no problem. Wow, milk comes from a cow, now let's go look at a cow. Connections made. But Joey? He can't focus on the churn, the words you are throwing at him seem to be a jumble. He caught the sign for "milk" and "cow" but then wandered off, too uncomfortable in the unfamiliar setting to pull himself away from tracking the floor tiles. The cow was mildly interesting, as it was alive and moved. But somehow I failed to teach him the lesson I intended, connecting cows and milk, to start building understanding of food, consequences, sequences, cycles, etc. This is very frustrating. Remember, I'm a teacher by trade.

Besides, I want so much to share the world with him. Living is so wonderful! It is so full of everything! I don't so much mind following his lead, as I get frustrated trying to constantly figure out what that is, and being unable to provide proper guidance for my child, when part of the job of a parent is to guide, to introduce, to share. I am sure this feeling turns to fear, anger, and despair in others I see trying to raise autistic children. What shall I do with it? It's not a sunshine and roses question, though the resulting answer could very well be, and usually is.

And on our other front? Well, he's almost four, and just now emerging from the Terrible Threes. We've had them pretty easy, because Andy's a sweet kid by nature, and had Joey to guide him. He still wakes up grumpy, he still prefers to stand to eat (or just jump around instead of eating at all), still gets into bickering and fighting with his brother, still is testing his limits and boundaries. That's no sunshine or roses either... in some ways.

Yes, there are still challenges, both theirs and mine. Life isn't always sunshine and roses, but it sure feels good and warm on my back and the garden is full of perfume. I like to sit out on my new chaise sometimes and breathe it in.

Wordless Wednesday: Home to the Farm

(This is "home" because my family is from Oxon Hill. My great-grandfather actually worked the Oxon Hill farm before returning to Falls Church. I still have family nearby.)

Happy Autism Awareness Month!

Sick again

Sorry, folks, I am once again down with tummy bug. Trying not to wax. Will keep you updated. Unless I wax.

Back to school

Spring break is over. I had to put my boy back on the bus this morning. then I had to take the other one over to his school. Now I sit at mom's office, poised to begin my career as "webmaster"... with no boys playing in the background.

Sigh.