A Day in the life.

A little boy comes creep-creeping into my room. Beside me, JoeyAndyDad snores lightly. My feet are covered by a warm kitteh. The boy crawls up onto my bed and flops in the narrow gap between me and JoeyAndyDad, created when I rolled to see who was creeping in- as if I didn't know. I cover him with the quilt, and he snuggles down with the half-dozen stuffed toys he has brought with him, and his beloved and now-repaired Blankie. I can feel his ribs. He's just grown again, so he's thin as a rail. He sighs. He's asleep.

Its three in the morning. Or maybe two. I have to get up, or fall off the bed. Besides, I need to toddle to the bathroom.

I return to find a boy spread out comfortably in my spot. He's resting, I won't disturb him. I take up my new regular position, reclined in JoeyAndyDad's big recliner, swathed in a quilt. I roll some of it under my chin so my mouth won't hang open if I fall asleep, and dry out my mouth and throat. I have enough trouble with my voice this time of year.

Note the "if." Now my brain is whirling. I try to derail it, pulling up a fiction story I've been toying with, one of the ones that never really get anywhere, because I am not terribly good at writing stories all the way through. My characters are too flat to get far. Perhaps its because the live ones in my life are so intensely interesting. My brain catches on one drama, and what might happen. It swirls to another. It follows a detail of it to thinking about school, about my own students, about some situations here, some there. I'm spinning wheels.

The alarm goes off. That's JoeyAndyDad's alarm. It is five o'clock? or six? I forget. I hope the time has come so quickly because I drifted off somewhere in the spinning. JoeyAndyDad climbs over me, trying not to wake either or the boy or me. He starts his routine. I hear my other boy creep in, climb into bed next to Andy. He's whispering to himself. I catch a few words, he's echoing an episode of Peep. I listen to the little voice, hoping again to drift off for the remaining... hour? Whatever.

The alarm goes off again. It's time to get up.

I fold the chair, remove the warm quilt, rise to my feet. JoeyAndyDad is still in his routine. I start mine, kissing boys who are awake, or letting them sleep is they are not. Today, they are awake. Andy giggles and makes silly faces. Joey repeats a phrase. Neither make any clear sense, other than being something to say. I sing to them, kiss them, tickle them.

Then it is time to get dressed. I take my meds, check my sugar, check my weight. The scale is going in the right direction, but slowly. I get ready, get dressed, get boys into the bathroom to dress and prepare themselves. A circus of boy-ness ensues, but we're through and dressed in clothes in about fifteen minutes, not bad at all. Having a new clothes organizer for each other them has definitely sped up the process. We tumble down the stairs. JoeyAndyDad has managed to escape to work without me seeing him, because his car is gone.

I track down socks and set the boys to the task of putting on their shoes. I toss food into their bags; breakfast, lunch, snack. I make sure homework is in the folders, along with needed money, forms, etc. Joey helps me feed the cats. I feed the fish. I'm not sure Quille is looking so good, but have no idea what to do for him. I ponder what to tell Joey if we find him bottom-up one morning. They have already lived longer than I expected.

I get coats on two boys, between the three of us we get them zipped up, bookbags on backs, and we're off to the bus stop. The boys run to the corner, then wait. We cross and are joined by other families. They talk about things with no relevance to us, after-school care and sports and sleepovers. The bus arrives, with Joey's bus now right behind it, because the schedule has changed again. I wave to both boys, and they are whisked away into their own worlds.

I am on the corner, the families drifting back to their own lives, or huddled together with me outside. We say goodbye, I walk back to the house. Today, I have about an hour and a half before I have to head out. I do some cleaning. I was doing painting, but its getting too cold for that. I take a shower. I check my lectures, make sure my memory stick is in my pocket. My brain is already on today's lecture. I think of small corrections I need to make, ideas they will need to connect to other material, problems in the new textbook. I pop A Christmas Carol into the CD player in the car, and whirl off. I hear some of the story, formulate some of the lecture in my head, but most of my concentration is the driving, the swift see-and-ID-and-gone of moving down the road. I note landmarks. I'm at the bridge. I'm at the light. I'm at the town.

I'm at the school. I park, wander in to the adjunct office, stopping to say hello to folks at the front desk. We banter in the office while I make fresh print-outs of my lecture notes. It's time to setup. I drag the video equipment into place, get it fired up. Some students straggle in. I'm ready to go, but tardiness seems to be the theme with this class. I start taking attendance, its quick with so few attending. I start the lecture. Students continue to straggle in, until the room is full.

The lecture goes OK. I bounce around, the students look bored, every with the spiciest story. There are a couple awake out there, I teach to them. I worry. Making Byzantine art relevant to students who have no idea where Byzantium even is? That;s a challenge. And unfortunately, it will take me several lectures to really do it. My voice is croaky. Not good.

They disperse, I get in the car and plot my course. I'm headed over to the office today, Mom and I have bookkeeping and stuff to do. I ride down the road, we're in Christmas Past now, Fezziwig is being described. My brain spins. Fortunately, this isn't my double-dip day, I don't have to comeback for another lecture. I have grading to do. The boys will need to be engaged this afternoon, and it looks like rain. I forgot to buy laundry soap. I need to change the fish water. I run through the plot lines of the several soap operas we have going with folks connected with the office. I worry about all of them. I wonder how Nik is doing. I forgot to send a birthday present to the kids of some of my friends. I plot out my grocery budget for the rest of the week, since I have the foresight not to burn through it on grocery day, because I always forget things.

I pull into the office parking lot, My stomach growls. I realize I forgot to eat this morning. I wander into the office and start getting caught up on the news, making lists of things I'm supposed to be doing, wondering if I will get around to opening up my eBay shop this year. It's November already, its really too late, but perhaps I could get a few things up. Or not. I forgot to toss my laptop into the car. She's freezing. I wonder if I shouldn't be writing the novel based on the characters that swirl about there, rather than the bland, banal tale I've been spinning in the dead of night to myself.

We finally decide we're hungry, and head over to my favorite Mexican place for lunch, at least a half hour, maybe an hour, to talk with my mom. We ponder the soap operas. More constructively, we talk about the boys. We plot out school. I complain about the students who are driving me crazy, and chat about the students who make me proud. But best of all, its my mom. I take a deep breath, and the lunch is done, I have to take her back to the office. I watch her go in. She's still cold. I'm worried, because no one will tell us why she's having spikes and crashes in blood pressure, or what to do about it.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come glides into the pawn shop, Old Joe is tallying up the ill-gotten gains. I pull into the driveway. I have a few minutes before the boys will be home. I turn on a video, even though I won't get to see the whole thing. I try to pick up the livingroom, which is scattered with paper, crayons, toys. I toy with the idea of getting out a game. It isn't raining yet. I pull out popcorn for snack. My time is done. I walk down to the bus stop, chat with the neighbors a few minutes. We lament the loss of some of the trees on the street, they complain about their grandson who is due off the bus. He gets let off first, and bounces down the street. I have no idea what they are complaining about. He's bouncy like Andy.

Andy's bus comes down the street. One of the other neighbors comes to get her child. She's got an older one with Asperger's, so we know each other better, but there's no time to chat. The bus is here, Andy is pulling off his backpack. He puts his hand in mine, chats about his day. Andy has a beautiful, ringing voice. The words may not be clear, but the joy is. He runs forward, kicking up leaves. Joey's bus turns the corner as we come up to the house. Andy jumps for joy, bobbing on the sidewalk at the edge of the street; he wants to "get Joey all by myself!" Joey hops off the bus, hugs his brother, and barrels to the door. I wave as the bus pulls away. They're home.

We hang the backpacks on the hooks. Andy wants to play with the child from the corner, so we go outside. The boys run with trucks and draw with chalk. I want to be knitting, but instead I take my laptop out and start answering student email and working my online classes. I glance up regularly, so it takes longer than it would later, but later I need to be putting together more material for the class I picked up for my sick colleague. The child from the corner comes over. I'm glad. He plays with Andy, and they even get Joey into the game at times, though he tends to wander off, talking to himself. They run; he sits in the grass, intent on his own play. It's still grey, but still not raining. Andy and his friend are playing something with pieces of cardboard, being bossy with each other as only young boys can be. Joey saunters up onto the porch, and I set my computer aside as he mounts the steps; he leans in to me, taking my face in his hands.

"I like you," he says, breathless.
"I like, you, too," I reply.
"Do you like Doritos?"
"I do."
"Nacho cheese or Cool Ranch?"
"I like Cool Ranch."
"Can I have some Doritos?"
"Certainly. Bring some out for the others." He disappears into the house; I have to remind him to close the door. He appears with the snacks and doles them out. Andy sets his aside, he's too busy to eat. Joey sets his out, takes a chip now and again to munch thoughtfully as he draws- no, he's putting numbers into columns, dividing them by hundreds, tens, ones. He asks me for a three-digit number, and I give him one. we go through this several times before he wanders off to write something else, out in front of the garden. Andy and his friend are running in and out the house, fetching toys. I remind them to keep the door closed. I keep answering students, check the news. The inane headlines tell me nothing has really happened today. I close up the computer, just in time for JoeyAndyDad to drive up. Its time for the friend to go home and get ready for his mom; its time for my boys to go in and calm down before trying to feed them; they are tired. I realize I have once again forgotten to start dinner, now I have to come up with a quick something that requires little cooking, as Joey gets upset when I cook.

I get a brief from JoeyAndyDad on his day, and give him a run through mine. He heads upstairs to change and breathe for a few minutes. the boys beg for some TV, and I turn it on before heading to the kitchen.

I decide on chili, as Joey is eating that now. Andy breaks into his chip bag at last, I toss the dinner together as the boys watch Peep. Well, kind of. They are mostly chasing each other around the house. I offer the back yard as an alternative, but am turned down. I'm short a can of beans for my recipe, I dump in a can of corn instead. I get it into the oven. I check the fish. Quille is still looking small. Chris is looking strong.

Andy had fetched paper and markers from the art table I have still set up in the kitchen, he is drawing dinosaurs. Joey is writing times on paper and cutting it into strips. I ask him why, but the answer makes no sense to me. Last week he was drawing Buzz Lightyears and cutting them out. Oh, and cats. But today. its strips of paper with times on them. A fight breaks out between them. The Witching Hour has arrived, delayed by the outside play.

I serve up the chili, Andy makes "yuck" noises. Joey sits and eats, Andy wants his in the living room. I can't have chili out there, we all sit and eat, JoeyAndyDad joins us. we try to get the boys to talk about school. I remember that Andy has a homework sheet to do. Andy pops up to "go get something". He has eaten some of the cheese off the top of the chili. Joey is finishing his. Andy pops up again. And again. JoeyAndyDad tries feeding him, a strategy that often works, but he honestly doesn't want the chili. He wants Doritos. I offer apples instead, but that is refused. We get a few bites of chili in him, and he's off.

We have more Peep and more drawing of dinosaurs and time slips before bedtime. I check some blogs quickly, see what is new in my corner of the world. Its time for baths; I send the boys up to undress and feed the cats and fish. Quille seems to be eating fine and unmolested by Chris, but I think Quille's tailfin looks ragged. I can't afford a second tank.

I wander up the stairs, turning off lights as I go. I pop open the laptop again, trying to finish the blog check as Andy takes his bath; then I go out to hug Joey and see if he wants a story. He doesn't. He's busy with Stybirde and Stymegard, playing something with a flashlight. the flashlight batteries are dying, he starts to perseverate on the dying flashlight. I'm out of batteries. Andy is ready for stories, Joey is sent to take his bath, still upset about the flashlight.

Andy and I find some books. One he knows so well, he recites the lines with me. I have him try to read another book himself, this one is about spiders. He likes knowing the word "spiders" but gets tired halfway through. I put it away for another night, let him pick out another book. He is playing as I am trying to read, his bed scattered with small toys. Its time for sleep. I turn off the light and turn on the CD. I make a motion to leave, and he protests. Mom has to snuggle him to sleep. He tells me a story, I can't follow the plot, but he's very pleased with it. We play Piggie. He settles. By the time the music goes off, he's asleep.

I then go in to Joey, kiss him, tuck him in. He is telling me about his play with his cats. He is repeats some lines from Toy Story, and we sing the theme from Peep together. then I give him another kiss and leave him to his play. Dad must have found a battery, because the flashlight is working.

I have to run out to the store and fetch the forgotten groceries, by the time I get into my nightgown, it's nearly ten. I still have grading to do, and the finishing touches for a lecture. JoeyAndyDad is watching something on his computer, and I work. I take a brief break to finish my blog perusal, then work some more. Its after midnight again when I snap my computer shut. We settle in the darkness, my brain spinning. Evan has a new job, I wonder if he'll be able to come for Thanksgiving. I have a few students who need swift kicks to get them moving, or they are going to flunk. I think about the news from the blogs. I have to work in the morning before my lecture, I won't have that time to clean. I wanted to make a quilt for a friend for Christmas, but I haven't even started. I worry about my mom. I worry about my guys. The wheels spin.

A little boy comes creep-creeping into my room. I think, he won't be little long.

All quiet on the holiday front

As we embark upon the Holiday Season, I am glad to report that we are, for the most part, quiet here. Joey has had normal ups and downs, and is working well with his speech therapist, Ms. Leslie. Still no word about OT, but that's OK for now, because I am still trying to pay off their bill that I thought was paid long ago, and I still have no clue how much I still owe because of the way they bill. Andy is his usual bouncy self. We have been mitigating the bounce factor by encouraging outside play. My plan for today was to work on the back yard, but unfortunately, I am in the grips of a sinus yuck that I am hoping is an allergy.

Someone at school is into Spongebob Squarepants I guess, because Joey's words of the week are "Tartar sauce!" and "Barnacles!" with a smattering of, for unknown reasons, 'yucky cookie!"

Not wanting to sit outside in the cold yesterday, I surprised with them with a popcorn an movie party when they got home. It was the first afternoon in several weeks that I was not drowning in grading, lecture-writing, discussion boards, and other teaching stuff. It was nice to be caught up. It seems a shame to waste it on being sick, though. I have also begun my annual showings of A Christmas Carol when the boys are not home and I am. 'Tis the season.

So we are in the calm before the storm. Time to take a deep breath of air before we plunge in!

Halloween

Yes, the Big Night arrived: time for Trick or Treat! A little light rain didn't hold us back. Fleece washes. So Buzz Lightyear and the Purple Chipmunk were out and about to get their share of sugary comestibles.

I will say the boys did a fabulous job with their jack-o-lanterns. Neither of them wanted gooey hands this year, so JoeyAndyDad and I did most of the disgorging of slime, but I then had them draw their faces on, and I carved them out just as they were. Andy preferred round eyes (he has trouble making corners still), and Joey did lots of triangles. I also recommend those little electric lights instead of candles- that way boys can play with the pumpkins even after dark.


We were greeted at many doors with, "Oh! Buzz Lightyear!" which we expected, and then quizzical looks and "and... um... uh..." and Andy proudly informing his audience, "I'm a purple chipmunk!" Which we also expected. A couple folks asked me what character he was, and I had to tell them as far as I knew, this costume wasn't from a book or TV show. Andy just is into the color purple right now, and into chipmunks right now. So there you have it.


We did a lot of walking. I wandered down to my friend's house, but they weren't home. They must have figured we weren't coming because of the rain and taken their guys to the mall or something for treats. In consequence, we got a lot more candy than usual, because we hit houses all along the way. I expect to have two little guys with feet in the air and hands clutching tummies, but so far, they have been pretty good about the candy.

Happy Halloween, and Trick or Treat!

Yes, here is your update: Unexpected!

Unexpected

Around here, we collect the unexpected. Somewhere I have a little list of "Things You Never Thought You Would Ever Say." Such as "Please don't hit me with a llama, I'm trying to eat." But you take these things in stride, because when you became a parent, you took a parent oath.

You know, when I took the Mommy Oath, I always wondered about the part that goes, "Children can be anything they want for Halloween. And if my son wants to be purple chipmunk for Halloween, by God, I will make him a purple chipmunk for Halloween!" When you ask, "Hey, sweetie, what do you want to be for Halloween?" you just never expect to hear those immortal words out of the mouth of your child: "A purple chipmunk!"

Did you know that you cannot go to a store and buy a purple chipmunk costume?

But as many of you know from Halloweens past, I have a sewing machine, and have now gotten pretty good at the animal-costume-with-hood pattern. So I went to the store, joyfully bought on-sale purple fleece and the pattern for a $1 (woo-hoo!) and got to work.

I promise to update with photos.

Happy Birthday, JoeyAndyDad!!!

We love you!

Good morning

It's still pretty dark when the alarm goes off. Andy has finally gone back to sleep. Joey is not in bed, he managed to stay in his own all night. I miss him.

JoeyAndyDad is almost ready to go, but we're on a tight timeline. He cuddles Andy. I get up, take my meds, brush my teeth, brush out my hair. I'll shower later. I just need to get any knots out and tie it back up for now. When I emerge from the bathroom, the room is still very dark. JoeyAndyDad is gone. I miss him, too.

I kiss Andy awake, and he curls and stretches, a luxurious kitten. "Time to get ready for school!" I sing, and he giggles. I kiss his tummy, and he giggles some more. Then I have to go get Joey up.

That room isn't as dark. Light is creeping in, and his faux fishtank is on, changing colors in a constant loop, red, blue, green, pink, red... I kiss him awake, too. He opens his eyes and smiles, stretching, happy to see me. "Time for school!" he chimes. I agree.

We tumble into the bathroom for morning routine. Joey needs help with his shirt. Andy want to toss him underwear in the air. The clothes organizer has helped a lot- we lay out clothes for the week, and they just take Monday clothes out on Monday ad put them on. I hunt down some socks. How do we lose so many socks? I send them down the stairs with armfuls of stuffed toys and pair of socks each.

They busy themselves with socks and shoes, and I put together the day's food. I have things in ready reach, ready to go. I haven't had time to repackage the carrots, so that takes some extra time. This week's fruit is apples, so that saves some. It all evens out in the end. The boys have their shoes on, no one needed help this morning. That's an accomplishment. I praise the shod feet. They are busy drawing while Joey plays Peep on his computer. Joey is writing words, his favorite. Andy is drawing a house, and talking about who is in all the windows: Rabbity, Beavery, Chipmunky, Twisty-Twirly Tail, Chris, Smiley Lolly... Its time for coats. We hunt down the jackets we forgot to put away properly when we came home yesterday. Joey gets his own zipper up, all buy himself. That's a huge accomplishment. Praise ensues. Andy gets upset because his zipper is being persnickety, and he needs help. Praise ensues for asking instead of screaming. Backpacks are pulled on, and we're off to see the Wizard.

The morning is crisp, and the boys race each other to the corner. Now that I am assured, from practice, that they will go to the corner but not into the street, I permit the race without comment. They bicker about who won. We hold hands and start to cross the street together, but both boys let go and race across from about halfway. It's fall, the street is full of leaves- mostly ones someone has taken care to remove from the sidewalk. The boys commence creating a large leaf pile in the middle of the sidewalk.

We're about halfway through this process when Joey notices that picking up leaves gets your hands dirty. He starts to get anxious. I assure him it is OK to wipe his hands on his pants, because I have nothing to wipe them with, and I would prefer he not wipe them on me. They get clean enough to calm him, and he resumed leaf-collecting. Then they start jumping on the pile and giggling wildly. I wish I had a camera with me.

They are starting to rebuild the pile when the bus comes down the street. Andy races on without giving me a kiss, excited to see his friend K today. I wave an "I love you" to him as he settles into the first seat. He sets his fingers, then waves them back the same. The bus is gone. I miss him.

Joey and I amble back to the house, hand-in-hand. He is motor-mouthing the announcement for the buses from the end of the day: "V van, R rabbit, T turtle, W watch, please *mumble mumble* boys and girls!" (He actually mumbles in the middle in a very exact imitation of a mumbled and muffled announcement. Its actually pretty cute). Then he looks at me and bursts out with, "It's fall!" We cross the street. "I have a boy dog and a boy cat. They are pretend," he explains as he pretends to hold leashes. I pet the new pretend pets. "The dog is Sy. The cat is Beryl" he tells me as we wait. I hear the familiar brakes, and give him a kiss. "I love you, Mommy!" he chimes as the bus turns the corner. I wave to the bus driver. He is on the bus, settling into his seat. I wave my "I love you," but I'm not sure he even sees me. That's pretty par for the course, actually. I wave anyway. He's gone again. I miss him.

I fetch a broom, wander down the street, and start sweeping the leaves off the sidewalk.

Glimpse of the Future

We had our department meeting tonight for one of the college I work for- the kind of meeting where everybody sits around and complains about students not doing any work and trying to figure out how to trick them into having to do some. I got a rather rude awakening to the future in this banter, as many of the students who were considered "problems" were disabled students- some documented, some not. The excuse for not wanting to deal with these kids? "We're not trained to do that!"

Disability accommodation requires everyone involved to be proactive. This means that people need to do more work, and nobody- especially a bunch of adjuncts who get paid next to nothing- wants to take on more work. However, it's a whole breakdown of communication and reversion to reactive tactics: the disabled person doesn't want to admit disability due to stigma, real or perceived; the disability office needs to contact faculty who will be teaching a person with a disability to make sure accommodations can be and are made; and the faculty needs to be proactive in requests and getting training and support for accommodating disabled students. Community college faculty are especially in need of support, and the community college setting is often inclusion admission, and seen as a "safer" environment for disabled students. Students can stay at home with familiar resources and services, while still furthering their education.

Naturally, I opened my big, fat mouth, and started in on "you know, there are some very simple things we can do to accommodate these students which don't require any real training..." Things like turning off florescent lights and keep noise to a minimum never occurred to these people. Letting students sit in the front row, allowing for movement breaks, and visual schedules? So simple, if you know they are needful. Why they can't include real accommodations on those silly letters we get from the disability office (I think if you have any kind of disability, they just give you a letter to excuse you from timed tests, and send you on your way. Who needs individualization, after all?) Why are faculty, most of whom have never had to deal with disability in their own lives, left to flap in the wind- and thus leaving those students flapping, too?

Mobilizing to change attitudes here. "We're not trained!" is not an excuse to not accommodate; it is a call for action to get trained.

Just what I needed: something else I want to do in life

I'd really love to be able to do this.

But I have to do this first.

It's on my to-do list. Seriously.

Tattered on the fringe

So we had part of my high school 20 -year reunion last night. Very odd. Reunions are kind of like proms- you don't over-analyze, you just go. And funny enough, people are glad to see you- even if they had no clue who you were 20 years ago. After all, being teenagers together is very intense. You never know who was watching you as you rolled down the tunnel of your own existence.

The folks who organized the reunion (and they did a fabulous job) got their hands on some of the footage that was taken just before we graduated. Most of it is from the final senior awards ceremony, the pep rally, and folks getting ready to take the big group class picture in cap and gown. That was fun to watch, partly because I wasn't in a single frame. The people who flickered across the screen were exactly who I expected to see there: the popular kids, arms around each other, living in a world from which I was excluded.

I think some folks were surprised to realize I didn't hang out with them in high school. I was a bit of a character there, with black clothes, big buttons, and the wildest earrings (clip!) that I could lay hands on. I was sad to learn the other kid who was voted Most Unforgettable was gone. Like I said, you never know who was watching. It was just odd to have people come over and want to hug you, when twenty years ago- the last time you saw them-they didn't have two words in a row to say to you. I'm not into hugging strangers (I don't even like doing it in church), and though I keep trying not to think of these people as strangers, the vast majority of them really and truly are. I was on the fringe of these people's lives, a fact made sparklingly clear by the video, those echoes of the center of the past. I wasn't even an accepted part of the fringe. I was completely absent, not even passing in front of the camera on my way elsewhere, in the lunch line, in the library.

If I was making video of my high school experience, it would include a lot of people whom these people didn't know. I was far more at home at CTY and with the folks I met there. Even of my "friends" at school, I can only think of three who were actually friends to me; most of the time, I felt begrudgingly tolerated. With my CTY friends, I was just one of them. I think it is kind of the same thing those popular kids felt, sitting about the senior courtyard, hugging and singing and laughing together. A kind of "we're all in this together" feeling. Watching them laugh and talk to the camera and hug each other, kind of reminded me of sitting about the lounge of Franklin and Marshall. I might still have been on the fringes, but I was an accepted part of the fringes. The center didn't push me away, they even actively included me, asking me to come along with this or that. Being invited along is a mark of acceptance that becomes so important for teenagers on the fringe. I suspect most teenagers feel themselves on the fringe, even when they are in the center.

Sitting at the table nearest the door, it was fun to watch people step into the room, and get the look of "I don't know anyone here!" People change over 20 years. I found that guys change more than girls- the faces of the women were mostly recognizable, if I ever knew them. For the men, we were all glad we had nametags. I was also surprised at how old people looked. After all, we're not forty yet. There was a good deal of grey hair, faces with more lines than I expected. I even went home and looked in the mirror again, and seriously, I do not look as old as these people do. I wasn't expecting any of us to look like teenagers, but seriously, am I that old? Perhaps I ought to be happy that I am "better preserved" than some of these folks? I mean, some folks looked right on the money, right where I think I look... but a whole lot more than I expected looked old. Weird.

We're supposed to have a picnic today, so we can meet the kids and grandkids (!) and all. Might be interesting. Or it might not. Might give the kids something to do after being penned up from the cold and wet for two days...

Adventures in Living

It is never a good day when it starts with your husband calling you to say, "The car is totaled. I'm fine, I was at my desk, it was parked, and the bus hit it." And wow, did they hit it. I'm glad no one was on the bus, and that JoeyAndyDad was not in the car.

I arrived to help get everything out of the car, then drove to my class. And that is when I realized I didn't have my memory stick with the exam on it. I had to quickly reconstruct the thing, only to find a quarter of my class didn't even bother to show up.

Great. Apparently we have a sudden flu epidemic. Now I have to figure out a make-up exam.

Oh, and that Ford recall? Where they say if x and y are happening, fire in immanent? I've been having x and y happening for over a year. So I called, and they aid oh, yes, 15 minutes, bring it right in. Well, apparently they hadn't done a van yet, and discovered was is a 15-minute fox in a truck or SUV is an hour fix in a van. (They weren't any happier about it than I was- it ties up their mechanic!)

Papers to grade? Oh well. Classes to plan? Oh dear. Lunch? Forget it.

Ah, the fun and joys of the daily grind. I can hardly wait for the boys to come home, so I can squish them. Witching Hour be damned.

Sita Sings the Blues

This is the coolest film ever. Seriously.


Oh, we had a kinda weird day. My mom's been having trouble with low blood pressure, at least that's what we now think the trouble might be. A bit on the scary side. The boys have been incredibly patient, riding all over the place to get Grandma to the doctor and get her medicine and stuff. We're planning an excursion to Charles d'Fromage tomorrow, they've been so good lately. Good days are good to have, especially when things are so up in the air.

What Saturday Afternoons Should Look Like

Quick Meetings

We had our second Andy Meeting today, but it became quickly apparent that this was not intended as a second eligibility meeting- the invitees were very limited. This was a meeting to say how wonderful Andy is doing in his class.

Good teachers make a huge difference, and Mrs. B absolutely rocks. Andy thrives in a tight ship, and that is definitely what Mrs. B has to offer. She also wanted it in his records: Andy needs structure, and a lot of it. When he has it, he can sit, attend, eat, and regulate. He is a good friend to his classmates, a good model for behavior, and a good listener. When he doesn't have it...

So we will get no formal support for Andy. The psychiatrist is going to chew my butt to mush, but the reality is that Andy can hold it together and make it through a school day. He waits and explodes at home, and that's not the school's province or concern.

We did have a little chat about it, though, because Mrs. B had ADHD kids, so we talked about running him outside and all. The school psych then made some comment about how winter was coming, so that might be more of a problem soon. And out of my mouth slipped, "Why? He has a coat."

It was the comment that showed who stood where in this little meeting- the folks who laughed were on Andy's side.

Introducing: Quille and Chris

Our new goldfish. They have survived a whole week.

The Ebb and Flow of Words

I've been particularly drawn to my children and their use of words lately. Perhaps its because Joey has been using barking more than usual, so when he uses words, I take note. Perhaps I've been reading stuff about communication in a variety of settings lately, so I've been attuned to the listening. But its been interesting.

For example, both boys have been using words more to ask for help, especially when they are looking for something. Andy came in this morning with a quiet "Mommy, please help me find my ball. I can't find it." Naturally, I got up and found the toy desired, and praised him for asking. Not long ago, I would have been awakened by screaming and crying, rather than those quiet words.

Joey has also been into the words for finding. He's still very bad at hunting for lost items, but now he chants, and it takes him longer to get to the point of explosive frustration while trying to find a thing. I wish the chants were something other than, "i can't find it! It's gone! It's not here! Someone took it! It's gone forever!" but it sure beats cutting straight to the screaming.

We also have more words after school. The current rhythm is Andy gets off the bus first, then we walk back to the house to get Joey. Andy will chatter about his school day all the way home- a miracle in and of itself. Joey comes off the bus and tends to barrel in the door, and he's not that interested in talk, but will at least answer a few yes/no questions. That sure beats silence.

So I found it of equal note when words were out of the question. We took Andy to the doctor on Friday because he was sent home with fever and cough, and we're on Flu Alert. Turns out he does have the flu, but not the H1N1 variety, yay. He had no words at all in the presence of the doctor. She wasn't our usual doctor, but a very nice lady all the same- and he had no words at all. He wasn't as chatty as usual eve when she wasn't in the room. Tired boys run out of words. However, I knew he was really on the mend this evening- he spent much of it pacing the livingroom, in constant conversation with himself (he got upset when I thought he was talking to me, and I answered something. Eep.) The return of the constant motion.

I also note that when Joey is upset, he is using words, repeating back words and phrases that upset him. Its actually very annoying when you are upset with him, and he's echoing you, or simply keeps talking, even back-and forth. If you aren't careful, you get caught in a net of exchange that spirals into the abyss, when you shouldn't really answer him in the first place. Not that you can ignore him, but there are evasive responses that work better than actually responding to the words he is saying.

"Joey, please clean up the mess you made."
"Clean up! Clean up!"
"Yes, please. Let's go get some paper towels..."
"Towels?" (spoken as if he has never heard this word before in his life).
"Yes, towels. Please get some paper towels and clean up the spill..."
"Spill? What spill? AAAAA!"
"This spill. Let's get some towels and clean up... "
"Clean up? Clean up? I don't want to clean up."
"You made the mess, you need to clean it up..."
"Up! No! Clean down!"
"We don't clean down, we clean up. We get the water up off the floor with the towel. Now come on, here's a towel, let's..."
"AAAAA! I'm a stupid boy!"
"No, you aren't a stupid boy, you're a very clever boy, but we need to clean up this spill..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Stupid! Stupid!"

See all the mistakes I made? Instead of feeding into the banter, I should have not really responded to his "clean up!" chant. Instead, I should have just handed him the towels, maybe with a plain, gentle, vague, "yes, dear."

But then, will that be teaching hi to not use his words?

Overload

Ok, smack me upside the head and call me an idiot. This has been the Week That Ate Manhattan.

I currently teach five sections as an adjunct, though the max is 4. Fortunately, the number of students I have did not max out, but it is still a pain, and requires five preps. We were thinking there would only be 3 (since all three live sections are technically the same class), but they are in 3 different formats, so they require 3 different testing and lecture formats. Yikers. (Did I mention I am only being paid for the maximum 4?)

Then one of my colleagues got sick, and is out for the semester, so I took one of their classes. Now, I won't try to pretend this isn't going to be a super-fun course for me to teach- not one of my usual fields, but one I am particularly fond of- but still, that's another class of exams and assignments to grade and lectures to write, and this time on short notice. I lucked out, though- we had a copy of the lecture they were going to give next. So the crunch wasn't too bad.

Then we looked down and realized the floor in my house has no finish on it anymore.

Yep, JoeyAndyDad and I moved the furniture, scrubbed the floor, got up all the tape (why do my kids love tape?), scrubbed again, and... well, we probably should have sanded, but I am sure we'll be doing this again. We put down the polyurethane. It's drying. It's looking better now than it did when I first got it down. I now have a second coat over the worst spots, and gates up to keep the cats out. They are not amused.

While I got the windows open to ventilate (polyurethane stinks to high heaven), I painted some of the sills that desperately needed it.

And did I mention we have some new fish? Oh, and Andy has the flu?

Yes. I am insane. I have all sorts of plans for next week- mostly stuff I didn't get done this week, but had planned to. I have big plans for Christmas. And I have several stitching projects calling my name. Oh, and Joey decided he wants his room painted blue. I haven't even peeked at the garden. But I just know one of these afternoons, I will be sitting my comfortable livingroom, with a clean house, a nice fire in the fireplace, and a nearly-complete cross-stitch project in my lap. Seriously. It is going to happen. Someday.

So that's my excuse for not posting all week. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!

Fair Day (Wordless... Tuesday?)

Three Weeks In

When we concluded Andy's eligibility meeting, we already set a date for returning to eligibility. We had a psychiatrist who was so sure he needed an IEP to address his focus, hyperactivity, and sensory issues that she wrote a letter on the spot and lectured me about how I needed to get him in the system and how had I let him go this long without intervention? We had OT recommendations based on the work done with him for two years, with strategies to help him focus and remain on-task and self-regulate. And we had a first-year teacher who said he was just fine. The school psychologist thought he was just fine. The guidance counselor did not. I'm still working on the letter where we note that a gifted student who scores "normal" is having educational performance issues. But I digress.

We are three weeks in. Andy has been behaving himself at school. No timeouts. Treasure Box every three days, right on schedule. I went to the school picnic, and he sat outside in the midst of the kids and actually ate food without getting up once (though he did cling and insist on being hugged tightly). We have had all good days, sunshine, roses, and fun.

Well, at school, anyway.

Once home, we have to be doing very physical activities, or he starts in on Joey. Since I don't want Joey to become a technicolor display of shades of purple, fading to yellow, I have been getting that physicality channeled as best I can. Trucks, trampolines, running, jumping. Homework is a neat trick. We had one good day. The rest have been like asking him to stick bamboo under his fingernails, with level 5 meltdowns. I cleared my kitchen table to be sure they had space to do work, and put together a "homework kit" so I have everything we might need close to hand (crayons, pencils, glue, paper, sharpener...) because sitting down to do the work is bad enough; if they have to be put off while I find the crayons or the pencil sharpener, I might as well forget it. I have also discovered I sometimes need to have things for Joey to do, as he often doesn't have homework (he does it at school while waiting for the bus). You just never know.

Then we work on winding down, except Tuesday, when we have speech therapy for Joey. Then we have to go see Ms. Leslie. OT is on hold right now. For Joey, social skills groups don't start for another week, and our therapist is now only in Stafford, and we can't just schedule him through her any more, we have to go through the receptionist, and the less said about that the better. Let's just say I know I owe them money, but I have no idea how much, because the bills make no sense whatsoever, and when I ask about it she "sends me the ledger" which makes even less sense, and still doesn't total up what I actually owe. I've never had a medical place who couldn't tell me what I actually owe, or have it in big letters on the bottom of the statement (ie, WRITE THE CHECK FOR THIS MUCH AND WE'RE ALL GOOD.) She keeps telling me the number on this bill is that, but it doesn't match up with the payments I've made, and I now know from experience that I usually actually owe them more than this says I owe, for reasons beyond me. And the bill for Andy from them makes even less sense.

But hey, he's doing fine at school. Everything is peachy. I bet we get to the meeting on the 8th and get told he's just fine, nothing to see here. Then what do I do? Whenever I mention that we are having increased problems at home, they all smile and say things like, "well, kids need to unwind some time!" and "oh, what kid likes homework?"

I was unaware that most kids screamed, hit you, and ran off when you asked them to sit and do a coloring page from school, or trace their name. Nor was I aware that this was "unwinding." Do all kids become violent, aggressive, and hoardy when they get home from school? I mean, the trying to eat me out of house and home I understand. The wanting to watch TV, I get that. Even the pushing the trucks or jumping on the trampoline, fine. Even the whining about and lashing out at the brother. But is the Witching Hour really so universal? Is this normal, and I just suck as a parent?

I am pondering what to do when I get told he is doing just fine and wonderful and get those looks of "what's wrong with you, Lady? You just wanted somethin' fer nuthin' and to abuse the system!" Should I cancel the psychiatrist appointment? I mean, why medicate him or anything like that if he's doing so fine and this is all normal? Should I put him more OT, if he's doing just fine at school and they don't think he needs service? After all, the insurance is being weird about paying (or more precisely, NOT paying). I could put that money toward more speech therapy or OT for Joey, or put Andy into nature classes through the rec center or something like that. They have drawing classes for his age group on Wednesday nights, or painting on Thursdays.

And then there is Joey. Talk about Anxiety Mess. The barking is really causing trouble. I went to his picnic, too. He was with a different teacher than i was told he was eating lunch with, and then this teacher told me he'd be having math and core with her, but I was told he was doing that with someone else. Have they changed him again? In a sea of kids, he was eating alone. If I hadn't been there, it would have been completely alone- even his friend D sat with his back to him. The other kids clearly were unused to Joey, and comments like "he's the strange kid that barks" could be plainly heard (and were repeated that afternoon after school). Being a dog also means he is getting those teeth out and in trouble more. He likes to bite my shirt. He got upset about some toys this morning, and when JoeyAndyDad tried to hug him and help calm him down, Joey bit him so hard there's a bruise (which then progressed into a Level 8). The sibling thing isn't helping. Andy tries to get him to play, and he doesn't want to play, so Andy pokes him or hits him, so he hits or bites Andy, who of course slugs him back... you get the picture. Trying to keep them separated is a real trick, because despite all that, they love each other and want to see each other (its a sibling thing). Getting in the car is an adventure in screaming and the back-and-forth beating on each other. Not good for the nerves of a child who is having school stress, too.

I'm glad we got to the fair. Yes, there is stress in being out of schedule, and the long ride, and all the excitement. We had Andy crying because the barns were dark and the midway was loud (complete with hands clamped over ears). We had Joey nervous about the ride he got on last year and didn't like (which, just to note, was not there this year). But there was also rabbits, ducks, chickens, turkeys, geese (or as Andy insisted, giant ducks), cows, horses, sheep, goats, pigs, pumpkins, gourds, crafts, games, and rides. Oh, and ice cream.

I just don't think its normal to declare a victory when you can distract your kids for almost an hour by having one do a simple scratch-through craft and getting the other one a new book about his latest obsession, before they start in on the screaming, biting, hitting, and more screaming (not squealing or just running around playing loudly- screaming). Is it?

This week, I'm planning on getting out the pirate stuff, and see if I can't get that explosive energy at least channeled.

Chikkins

Dear Miss Kitty,

We were thinking of you today. Hope your chikkins are all doing great, as well as all the kittehs, the puppeh, and you. Stay dry. Rock on.

The Way Things Get Said

Autism Speaks has a new ad campaign out there. Its a video that starts as portraying autism as the Bogeyman, then tries to show families as the Anti-Bogeyman. What a great fundraising message: give us or money, or the kids get squished. Oh, and your marriage and finances, too.

I find that offensive.

I won't sit here and try to say raising an autistic child is all sunshine and roses. Nor is it cheap. Schools do not have the resources- or often the education and training- to provide appropriate supports and therapies for autistic kids. Autistic adults are even more on their own. BUt I have said it before, and I will say it again:

Joey isn't sick. This isn't about curing anything, because there is nothing to cure. Just like we put braces on crooked teeth, but we don't talk about the kid being sick. Or we have kids wear glasses to correct vision, but we don't consider that child sick.

Our culture is quick to medicalize everything. This is partly because of insurance. Medical insurance only wants to pay for things that can be put into terms of disease. Developmental differences are not diseases. That's why medical insurance doesn't want to pay for the therapies that help individuals who have them. They want the schools to pay for that, and they have a point. However, there is such a thing a preventive medicine. Getting my child to speak and move now is going to prevent a lot of health issues- very expensive ones- down the road. Just like straightening teeth or correcting vision.

Joey is who he is. He is not a changeling. No bogeyman swept into my house and stole him away. Joey was born autistic, which means his brain is developing differently than other people's brains. In Joey's case, this development has resulted in a disability. His ability to control his body (and even, we think, for his body to control itself) and communicate has been affected by this difference in brain structure and development, and so we need to give him skills that he needs to thrive in a society that is not designed to accommodate differences. Our society's world isn't made for near-sighted people. We give them glasses.

Joey would not be the wonderful, joyful, lovely human being he is if he was not autistic. He would be someone else. Perhaps that person would have also been wonderful, joyful, and lovely. I don't know. He's not that person. I have trouble wrapping my mind around the idea of Joey being someone he isn't. I have no idea why people even try. "If my kid didn't have autism, he would be this other person..." Huh? That is what Autism Speaks would have you believe, and think about, and give them money to get other people to think about. Try it for yourself. If you weren't you, who would you be? See what I mean?

There are many ways of saying the same thing. Autistic people need supports, need understanding, need community, just like everybody else. Why not focus on autistic people as people, as human beings, and appeal to humanity? Has our culture lost so much touch with the idea that we are all in this together?

Edit: What Susan said. That's what I mean.

Wordless Wednesday: Stybirde and Smiley Lolly

Yep, there's Stybirde the cat (prnounced "Sty-bird") and Smiley Happy Guy, now called Smiley Lolly (pronounced "Smolly Lolly").

School is going well?

Now back in the swing, we're having a mixed bag of getting back into the swing. Joey has been doing a lot of barking, his new anxiety behavior. Andy has apparently been holding together nicely for school; he's gotten Treasure Box every third day, like he's supposed to, so he's had no timeouts! Yay!

And then they come home, and the Witching Hour commences. Immediately. Without any baby preliminaries.

See, the trouble with holding your breath all day is that at some point, you need to breathe. In fact, you gasp for air, and try to take deeper breaths than normal to make up for the lost oxygen. He comes home and starts flippery-flopping around like a beached fish. It isn't pretty.

The first few days, I had him play with his trucks out front, but now he refuses to do that; he wants to come inside and arrange his stuffed animals and watch Peep. Well, he has to do homework first. Doing homework after any of these activities was not working, so now, homework first. The Firecracker becomes all sparks and fire. He's ready for some air, and has to hold his breath a little longer. But if I give him air, he doesn't want to hold his breath again even for a minute.

Meanwhile, our words of the week are "idiot" and "stupid." Joey picked these up from Toy Story, and now uses them to amuse himself. Andy has now realized they are powerful words, too. Whenever some one asks them to do something, or tells them something they don't want to hear, that person is stupid. And an idiot. And each other? Stupid idiots. If you reprimand or correct Joey? He says he's a "stupid boy." These words may have to be banned.

I think I may go for a new strategy tomorrow. Boys home, offer pushing of trucks, and if that is a no-go, I'm going to have invented a game that involves the trampoline. A few minutes of bouncing and a light snack, to be followed by homework. And then speech therapy for Joey. Hopefully Wednesday I can follow homework with something fun like making playdough. I'll keep you posted.

Small Adventures of Supermom

School is here, and Andy has been enjoying himself, earning stamps and even two trips to the Treasure Box. This has resulted in two new Treasures: a frog and Smiley Happy Guy. SHG is a yellow bendy figure with a vague similarity to a Walmart nightmare, only with more character.

Joey also has bee collecting treasures, the most interest he has shown in toys in a long time. Yes, he still has his totems, but these seem to be toys being used to actually play, which is great. He has gotten into small stuffed animals, especially of dogs and cats, and he enjoys naming them. The current favorite is a small brown beanie baby he is calling Stybirde. Yes, thats how he spells it. He likes to stroke Stybirde's whiskers and when he's being a dog, Stybirde gets growled at a lot- because hey, its a cat!

Both of these treasures were missing this morning.

Now, to add to the disaster, I am sick. No fever, but coughing, hacking, sneezing, stuffed sinuses, sweat whenever I move SICK. Everybody else in the house seems to be getting over this; here I sit. Since we have no therapies or anything today. and I don't teach today (well, I have online office hours later), I called a personal National Holiday, with my daily goals being to Eat Ice Cream, Get Rest, Take A Nap (which I have not, as of writing this, accomplished), and.... find two missing toys.

I searched the house, and despaired when neither toys appeared before I started dripping sweat everywhere, which wasn't very long. Then it hit me: such popular toys would surely have made it to the car! So in great glee, i snatched up my keys, and headed out to the car.

Nope.

I made their beds, because they often take such small treasures to bed, only to lose them amid the pillows and wadded sheets.

Nope.

I swept up all the toys hiding under their beds. No sign of the ones we wanted. I checked around my own bedroom, in case they brought them when they crept into bed this morning. Nothing.

It was during my second sweep of the downstairs that I noticed a small treasure chest, tucked discretely in a piece of furniture that is supposed to be a wine bar, but for now just holds a lamp. The chest and the table were the same color, so I was lucky to see it at all. I opened it.

No, they weren't in there. But the frog was. And that meant Andy had played here in the last few days. Sure enough, under the wine bar, I swept my hand, and out came Smiley Happy Guy and Stybirde.

And I so totally rock.

Now for that well-earned nap...

In the midst of life

Yes, I know, no posts lately. I am sorry. I've been working, getting the boys settled, working, spending time with friends (!), hugging boys, trying to figure out the barking thing, trying to explain the barking thing to Joey's teacher, and standing in awe of my two wonderful little boys. And then I started sniffing. And now coughing. This might be a long week.

Week One: Almost Done

We're almost through the first week of school. Andy came home with a prize from the Prize Box. Joey's didn't (he's been barking when anxious [pretending to be Scud from Toy Story] and he barked in the library.) Week one hasn't been too bad. We had some bus issues that are resolving. Andy is enjoying riding his own bus. I ran into the special ed teacher that services the IEP kids in Andy's class, and she thinks he's doing great, following all the rules. that's a good sign. What I had to tell her is oh, by the way, he hasn't eaten his breakfast all week. We talked a lot about how Andy's breakfast is in the frog bag, but by the time he gets to school with all the excitement and distraction, he forgets. I think. I'd packed his favorite strawberry rolls in the bag and told him they are in there and everything, trying to get him to eat it. No go.

We're trying to find a rhythm, and get into the groove, as quick as we can, because the quicker the better.

I've had a shower every day this week since school started. Very weird.

I got to go see a friend this morning and have tea. Tomorrow we're going to write a cookbook together. Tomorrow afternoon, when my mom has an errand of her own, I'm going to call another friend I haven't talked to in a while because everything has been so insane. Its going to be a real event!

And look, I can see the floor in the hallway and the counter in the kitchen! I have had some kind of meal prepared for two of the three school nights! (Though I burned Tuesday's dinner- eep). It's amazing. Incredible.

I miss squishing my boys all day, though. When they hop of their buses, I just want to squeeze and smooch them. And all they want is something to eat and to go play outside. We compromise. They play, and stop in for smooch breaks.

Life is good.

Wordless Wednesday: First Day of School

Black Sheep in Snow

Just as I often think of Joey as, well, Joey, and not as autistic or disabled, I often lose sight of the way people around me think. It comes as a bit of a shock that I think so differently from so many people around me- or more exactly, that so many other people think so alike, and I'm not one of them. Perhaps I insulate myself with others who also think differently, so "different" becomes the norm; and when I find myself out in the world, the general herd is a bit of a culture shock. Perhaps all those people think differently, too, but it just comes out a bit of a herd.

One night, some time ago now, I stumbled into a book club down the street for an evening, and stayed for the conversation. The book they were discussing, which I had not read because I just stumbled in on a totally different errand, had a scene where a man apparently was holding a child as a servant (or perhaps a slave; it was a little fuzzy to me, but definitely forced service) and the child got sick and had to be put into the hospital, and the man was bemoaning how horrible was was to himself, and why did these things always happen to him?

Appalled? Shocked? I was. I mean, seriously, there is a kid in a hospital sick, and you're complaining how horrible life is to you? Get a grip, idiot, right? But this little group went on and on about how honest this portrayal was, how we all felt like that, yadda, yadda, yadda. I thought I was appalled before. I beat a hasty retreat after that conversation. Do so many people really think only of themselves?

I don't think Wuthering Heights is a great love story. Ditto for Titanic. I have yet to see an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants that I thought was appropriate for children. Neither Seinfeld nor Friends did anything for me.

Standing at the bus stop, I find myself once again in the crowd. It is an odd feeling. Yesterday, they arrived with their children in neat little outfits, waiting for the bus in the rain. My kids had new shirts and stuff, but I had them in their raincoats. It was raining. Oh, all those parents had rain gear on; but not the kids. This morning they were chatting about nannies. I had nothing to add to that conversation. I must say they are very nice to Joey, trying to engage him and include him with the other kids. I just find I have very little to say, because I have such a different view of the world than these people are painting.

I sometimes wonder what it must be like to live in a world where the lives of famous people you don't know is so engaging, where what they consider a messy house I find cold, clean, even museum-like; where your shower is number one priority in your morning, not the sound of birds or hugging your children. I have a very hard tim even imagining how such a world works. Perhaps I have gotten used to the chaos. Perhaps to me, life is guided chaos, and we only go around once, so explore all the corners and back niches you can find!